Where to start...??

Let's see,

1) My Big Girl Scoot moved to the Other Coast (Boston) last December to go to school and just generally get away. She does not think she is, but she IS doing awesome! Definitely running into some ups and downs but despite the weather trying to kill her (and all of her workplaces closing and her various roommates moving out - and the Foot, Hand and Mouth disease!!) she's still in it to win it and i am sooooooo proud of her!

2) Feb. of this year I found out I have Diabetes Type 2.
3) April of this year I found out I was going to be laid off.
4) June of this year I had major surgery (abdominoplasty) in order to try to do something about the Diabetes Type 2
5) July and August of this year I used my "vacation" and severance pay to lie around getting healed and, sort of, looking for a job.
6) August of this year I was pretty sure I was going to get a job. 3 interviews and nope. They're going with someone else
7) September of this year Spark has started the 10th grade(!!) Where she is (also) owning it! She's being awesome (mostly) and responsible (mostly) and it is a delight to see her maturing into such a wonderful young adult.
8) I still do not have a job. I'm sending out resumes and trying not to get jealous when friends of mine find new jobs for themselves.
9) I am also starting up my consulting practice with a couple of friends. It is nice to have folks in this process with me because it keeps me motivated and, honestly, if this actually works out to be "the thing I'm doing" I would feel unbelievably blessed because  IT WOULD BE AWESOME!!!!

p.s.
10) The surgery thing seems to have worked in the sense that I am now MUCH closer to "pre-diabetes" than before (like exactly on the cusp) whereas before I was pretty solidly in D-Type2 land. Helps that i'm also eating better and taking some medicine. Good news though! :-D

 

End of school year check in

1) Big Girl Spark finished middle school with stellar grades and an award for Student of the Year - Community! She is awesome-sauce and I am SUPER proud. We are all VERY excited that she will be going to The High School next year (me especially because it's just too late for me to try to switch my allegiance!!)

2) College Kid (Boo) is doing well, just got back from a Mexico trip with the SF fam and is settling into her new job at the ice cream shop (!!) . She'll be off again in a little bit for a trip around Europe with her besties then back for some more ice cream related wage-work before heading into her THIRD year of the college. Sheesh. They really do grow up so fast.

Bi-yearly check-in

Big Big Girl is in her second year of college. She's seriously considering changing her major (form BS is Astro-physics to BA in Anthropology with a minor in Ethnic Studies. she's back at home (still staying in both the SF house and the oakland digs. Was working part-time at the cafe at my work but is now concentrating on school and traveling (been to Germany witht he young man, to europe several times with her other fam and going to europe again with friends this summer!) and such. She broke up with the young man for predictable reasons. I'm sort of amazed at how well she managed that process - clearly feeling the emotional parts (loss, sadness, anger, resignation) while still keeping on moving forward in a thoughtful, self-protective way. It's interesting because in her path i keep seeing things i think i have and/or would have done that i think are "the right way to do something" but she's doing those things in a more complete way, better and earlier than i ever managed. I stick to my assessment that we all arrive on this planet with an "age" an that she is and has always been in her early 40's.

The Little Big Girl is also doing well. She's doing well at school, growing and learning  in  all sorts of ways; she has a mixed set of friends and the respect/approval of her teachers. She is learning more about herself and her "ways" and is really trying to get a manageable groove set up. She is also very beautiful and - like the rest of her screen-addicted generation - is running into the age-old unrealistic beauty standards conundrum that women everywhere are facing down. being dark and curvy and dreadlocked sets her apart from the majority of the bloggers she likes to watch but she also carried very firmly within her the knowledge that she is a person to be reckoned with and as such doesn't seem to driven to change who she is. She is stubborn though and capricious and quick-tempered. some of this is, i'm sure absolutely due to her being a teen-ager and hormones, etc. but it is also her being her (remember, The Wife has that same passionate nature) and as she learns the borders of her internal whirlwind, i am also learning how it affects me and ways in which i can work to have it not.

the Wife is doing swell as well. She is settled back at the job/company she was with when we first knew each other so long ago. they love her, she enjoys them. It feels like she's finally settled after several years of drifting around through start-ups and other random engagements. She's playing tennis, playing guitar, talking to both of her sisters (they came back together when her mom died) and just generally doing well. She is still stubborn, capricious and quick-tempered (sound familiar) but i can see that she's moving forward to meet the Little Big Girl in some of the harder places they both get themselves into and it's interesting to watch how they connect with and love and really need each other.

Our house is lovely. it's never quite clean but it is a perfect size for us and is holding up admirably to the winter storms. Big Big Girl and her buddy C were here today playing with the dogs in the front yard and it made me very delighted to watch them.

Work = fine. In the middle of a Big project, of course, but working with same excellent team and better handle on it than last time so i'm not particularly worried.  

Still making dolls (although a bit obsessed with getting the eyes right) -  trying to get myself motivated to exercise again. I am carrying around alot more tummy than I ever have before and more than i like so.... I have my super cool bike plus a gym at work - seems like i can figure out way to try to be a little more fit.

Going to have a lovely night out with The Wife tomorrow which i am looking forward to - gonna swap out my wedding rings onna counta 1) the current set is too tight [see getting fat comment above] and 2) because it's been almost a decade now the i've been married and i'm feeling like a different person in it than the Gal who came to it originally. i'd like my hardware to reflect that so.... two cool new rings to carry me forward into the next decade.

comings and goings

sad news - the Wife's mom passed away this past week-end (Sat. August 13th). She'd been in the hospital for awhile and in a coma for the last few weeks so, it was "expected"; still very sad though. The Wife and her sisters are managing. We're having the viewing on Sunday and the actual funeral on Monday. Note: Urban death is SUPER expensive!!!!! Seriously. i'm not actually sure i can afford to die... :-(

In other news, the Big Girl FOUND. HER. DONOR. Thas right folks, Scoot submitted all the appropriate paperwork, sent off the appropriate e-mails and ta-da! located the other half of her genetic make-up. He wrote her a very nice e-mail in return (letting her know that she is the first to contact him - which *i* find interesting) and gave her his phone number. As I recall, he is in a long-term relationship with a man and I think (based on some unrelated sleuthing i did a few years ago) that he might be a reproductive services doctor! (Another Dak-tah in the family, my my!)

I am doing my best to just sort of sit with both of these life events and not try to get all manage-y about either of them. It's pretty exhausting but i think it's all going to come out o.k.

Trying not to...

Today I am trying not to:

• Feel bad/sad about my Big Big Girl being a full on grown-up and away form me having a birthday week-end
• Gloat over the fact that she's feeling bad/sad about it as well
• Feel jealous that one of my very best buddies just got a job offer from the one place I would seriously KILL to work
• Feel annoyed that she is "thinking about" whether or not she wants to accept
• Pick a fight with anyone
• Forget how lovely and basically kick-ass my life is and continues to be
• Eat too much ice cream.

miss, miss, miss my kid

The Scoot is away at college and i'm weirdly, sadly depressed about it. I mean, i understand that it's "normal" to miss her but i feel sad all the time. well, most of the time. I am just uninterested in stuff (even tiny house building! gasp!) and tired and MAD a bunch of the time. It's been a month now and I was starting to feel a little more normal (e.g. not bursting into tears all the time) but I'm still not really interested in doing anything. I mean, i AM doing things. I understand i have a family who loves/needs me and who i enjoy. It's just that everything seems like work and i'm tired and just... blah. i also feel guilty about being such a mess because Scoot is going to a very local school (mi alma matter, in fact!) so it's not even like i'm that far away from her. I think what i'm missing is the me i get to be when she's around. It's a "me" that is strong and capable and APPRECIATED and understood and who is loving and insightful and FUNNY. there are a bunch of people in my life who make me feel those things in bits and pieces but she's the only one where it's like that all the time. She is and has always been the one area where I don't feel like i ever have to "work". {sigh} Anyway, I was wondering what to do with all the messiness and FEELINGS so i ended up getting a tattoo. Yesterday. I know it sounds weird/cliche/contrived but i actually think it's helping. I mean, it HURT so there's that. nice way to focus some of that internal energy onto an external target that i know will heal and will look fabulous once it does. Also lovely that an old friend was able to do it for me. It was great catching up with her and helped me to remember how lucky I am with my life and my family. Lastly, it is just so cute! it makes me smile and gives folks around me something to be happy about regarding me which is a nice change from everyone feeling weird about me being all weird but not knowing what to say. Not saying it's completely turned everything around, but it seems to be helping alot.

Home stretch!

Jeeze, where to even begin?? the big girl has a job - has had a job for a while now - has applied for and been rejected by five (stupid) colleges (which is actually pretty sad and is causing some stress/disappointment/disillusionment but has been accepted to SFSU which is MY alma mater so... i feel like she'll be alright. We're also investigating options like sending her off to go live someplace that is "not here" for a semester or two just to get a feel for what that might look like.) and has now been in TWO "serious" boyfriend, girlfriend relationships. Both of which she's handling/and handled like a champ but which are also sort of causing her a lot of stress right now. I feel bad that i can't do more to help her feel better. I think it's just crazy hard being a graduating person no matter who your parents are or what sort of life you're trying to have. My Little girl is continuing to do well in her new school - has a couple of (one in particular) besties and is well-regarded by her teachers. Her 11-ness (soon to be 12-ness does occasionally make me crazy but when it's all said and done, i find myself liking her more often than i am yelling at her so i think it works out in the end. the wife is also doing well. job seems to suit her (for now) and she's out playing tennis every week-end when it isn't raining so... between that, the piano, the giants and the warriors I'm seeing her less but whenever i do get a glimpse, she seems pretty happy/content. (mostly) My work is an mind/energy suck (which i expected but which is crushing my life and soul) - We're going through this massive systems upgrade and while i love my team and am grateful that the whole colossal project seems to be on track, I am seriously going to go at-shit crazy if anything else gets added to it and/or my already waaaaaaaay too full plate! Sa-all good though. we have a nice vacation to hawaii planned for June and i get to go to Sharon Ellison's Summer Deepening again just a week after we get back so.... i think i'll find time to rest/recoup. the other really good (but not great) news that's happened is that my friend who had the tragic accident occur on her watch has FINALLY (two years, people!) made it through the courts and has a resolution in the case. She ended up with misdemeanor child endangerment (instead of the two counts of felon manslaughter and felony child endangerment she was originally charged with) and a sentence of 18 months jail time. Her attorney thinks they can get the jail served on an out-placement and/or on week-ends so there's minimal impact of her continuing to try to raise her kids and have a real life. She feels like the sentence is fair. I think the whole system is so massively screwed up/unbelievable but i'm glad it's done and she can start moving on. She is also (because she is such an amazing trooper) graduating this May with an AA and is planning on going to UC Berkeley next year! Seriously. i think she's all that and a bag of chips!