I have cramps!

I know, TMI but so what! You all say you want to know the real me but then when all upon a sudden I'm crampy and agro... then we see who my REAL friends are...! Just kidding. Well, not about the crampy part but about the other... K. So. Moving on. I would first like to deliver a HUGE shout out to the B family without whom my littlest would be bereft (bereft, I tell you!) of warm, serviceable, and (I think more importantly) cute winter attire! I heart you guys and I am sooooo glad I'm on the receiving end of your toddlers' really very adorable hand-me-downs!

In other news, my darling Prof. K. told me last night that she really wished I could take her class next semester because she liked the "dynamic" (her word) my somewhat tangential/loose-canon (mine) presence had on her credential students. (!!) I really truly do heart that lady. {you know what I really want?? I REALLY want to be "her" grad student; all the profs have "their" grad students who do all their research for them, follow them around waiting for them to get around to discussing things with them, teaching their classes while they're off at some conference on "Ethnographic Classism and Didatic Reform", etc., and I really want to be hers...! (I know, too much "need to be dominated" not enough spanking. I'm sure i'll get over it -- wait was that TMI as well...?)

Nothing else really. Busy week coming up in terms of sheer amounts of papers that need to be written but I've got some quality Kid-sitters in place so I'm pretty sure it's all going to happen on time and under budget.... Sigh. Now i'm sitting here thinking about how really insanely cool it would be to sit around my Prof.s' office "coding data" while she edits some article of mine that I want to submit to Ed. Researcher.... God.

What the hell is wrong with me...??????

So...

For some reason, people have been listening to me alot more lately. Like really paying attention to what I'm saying. Now, no part of what's coming out of my mouth these days seems particularly different from what I've been saying all along, it's just that,recently, people seem to have been giving a bit more weight to whatever it is I'm expounding upon... to actually be considering the stuff I'm putting out there. It's weird. And I have to say, I don't know that I think it's a good idea; I mean, if people are going to start taking what I say seriously, there's probably some stuff I shouldn't say anymore...

the end of an era

Pretty Boy has cut his hair. [A moment of silence, please.....]

Right. So, while it is about two and a half feet shorter than it was, it's still shoulder length and I gots to say, he still looks pretty hot, so... It's just that I'm a little concerned about what seems to be happening in this world of ours. i mean, first Bush, now this...!

BTW...

So, I'm in a "Analyzing Leadership" class this semester and I'm supposed to go to my "family/friends/readership", explain that I'm in a "leadership training program" and ask how they/you view me as a leader and if they/you could share a story, photo or artifact that represents me as a leader as it relates to your life experience.

If anyone has a moment, and could put together a few thoughts in response to this question and send them my way I'd be vastly appreciative... (I need to have this assignment done by Thanksgiving so if you don't have time to write before then, no worries, i'll figure something else out. Thanks.)

I'll make this quick...

Notice how I always say that but then somehow still manage to ramble on and on and on (and on)

So anyway:

Week-end was o.k. I did not, in fact, have sexual relations (mostly because the boy in question is desperately in love with some other girl -- hmmmmmm, I'm noticing a theme of sorts...) but I did have a really very great outing nontheless including but not limited to snuggling, smiling and having deep, interesting conversations wherein some of my more positive qualities were referenced so, I have to say it was still all pretty good. I even got to meet the "competition" which was wierd and unplanned but which, since it was pretty much inevitable, went not unwell. She seems nice. I'm sure they'll be happy together. Like ducks in a rug. Anyway. Moving on.

Went to see my new Dr. about a little bump in my finger + "butterfly-shaped" mole on my sternum (unrelated) and found her to be HILARIOUS! Really. V. funny. I told her my mole used to be "round" but now it was "butterfly-shaped" and she replied (absolutely deadpan) "Hmmmm. Are you sure it wasn't originally "caterpillar-shaped? Because then it would make sense..." Har, Har, Har. Everyone's a comedian! Anyways, she's going to "punch-excise" it in a few weeks which is just wrong and will probably be horrifically painful. She told me I'd only need one stitch but I explained to her that I was going to be complaining about it quite a bit so perhaps the dressing should somehow reflect that. She agreed and remarked that they could probably provide me with some sort of full-body wrap and a sling... Like I said -- a true meeting of the minds.

Full-day meeting yesterday wherein I accomplished NOTHING other than finding out about a whole bunch more work me and mine department are expected to deliver in the next two weeks then duo kid pick-up, home for fifteen minutes then off to school.

Speaking of which, My beautiful professor gave me a copy of an article she's about to have published in some magazine for me to "look at and comment on." (!!) Eeek! So, on the one hand how cool is it that she seems to want my opinion on her writing and on the other how scared am I to actually read the thing onna counta what if she's a really bad writer and I have to find someone else to idolize? {sigh} Life is so difficult when one begins to actually become friends with one's mentors....

K. Nuff of that. I have things to do and people to be. I'm out. Stay (relatively) dry people. Peace!

T-2 and counting...

I am one and a half days away from just possibly getting up close and personal with an actual boy-body (pure speculation on my part, BTW, as far as the gentleman in question is concerned we are "going to the movies" -- Which could be one hell of a euphemism, but somehow I doubt it...) and can I just say, I really need to take a long, hard, (tee-hee) appraising look at the overall structure of my life because, while I get that I am waaaayyyyyy too busy to actually have any kind of real relationship, this little body of mine could still sure as heck use some petting!

---

In other news, had a festive little impromptu get together with Spark's new CaseWorker who delighted me by being from the "adoptions" (instead of the "placements/foster care") part of the department essentially meaning that we're a mere month + veritable sheaf of paper signing away from actually finalizing this thing! (Although, I may not see an actual court date until mid-Feb. Still, once those papers are signed, it's all over but the singing as I am sometimes wont to say...!) Whoo Hoo and all of that!

Second big plus being that I have my Big Girl from yesterday til Wed. (!!) which is just unheard of and beyond great because then I lose her for a day after which I get her back on Thursdee!! {happy sigh} I'm such a lucky goil.

"Smart as a whip!"

Now, I know there are those who might get tired of having heaps of praise lavished upon their children at each and every parent teacher conference it might be their lot in life to attend -- I, for one, am not one of those people! "A joy to be around!" Making excellent progress!" "Let me show you what she wrote in journal today! Oh, and look at what she wrote last week!" and "Did I show you this picture of her singing for the Mayor?" I'm telling you. And, of course, the amusing part of all of this is the fact that inevitably the focus shifts to us and our parenting -- as if we had anything to do with how amazing our child is, as if she had not sprung fully formed, perfection incarnate, from mine womb not unlike one of those greek gods...! As if!! Yet and so... people will believe what they want to believe and if they need to think that CP and I do anything more for our child than simply holding the world of admirers at bay (at least we try) until the Boo is a little bit taller and has completed her Karate classes, well then... so be it.

Spark had her first PT conf. as well! Developmentally she's doing fabulously. She's climbing and running and "owning her space." There is some concern about her diet (the concern being that I can't cook and that she's getting all this great food at daycare whilst I feed her slop!) Her teachers, however, love her. She, in turn loves them so it really is an all-round love-fest at ole Monte Tavor! In addition to just generally thriving, my littlest one is getting to sing and to dance and is learning how to hold crayons without eating them (I know!!) Plus, she's 18 months old now so she's officially a toddler!!! Whoo Hoo! How (I know I ask this fairly frequently, but seriously) am I so blessed?

I had long hair for Halloween -- basically a throwback to my "Hootchie-esque/Late-all-the-time-but-cute-so-it-doesn't-really-matter" ex-life and this girl here at work got all hot and bothered by it. She's cute. She thought the long-haired me was very cute. Emphasis on "was." Emphasis on "long-haired." The short-haired me ... she thinks is "nice!"

Great.

Anyone else out there feeling the cosmic sucki-tude of this particular interaction?

Dammit, I think I'm getting a coldsore!! I REALLY need to not have a coldsore right now!!!! Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!!!

Two party systems suck!

So, I voted for Leonard Peltier. Sorry folks. If Bush wins i will take complete responsibility for every single future attrocity he commits. I just have to say I am really over this whole fear/evil thing we've got going on with this election. There are more than two candidates people. That's kind of the point. Then you get to vote for the person who best represents your views/the direction you'd like your country to go in. If that's Kerry then have at it but if it's not, then don't vote for him. This whole "lesser of two evils" stance is crap. Horribly naive of me -- possibly but whatever. I've already lost quite a bit in terms of financing for my schools, my kids, my neighborhood; I get that Bush makes some pretty poor decisions and is a big ole liar to boot still -- I'm just not really convinced 1 ) Kerry is going to do a hell of a whole lot better and 2) that should the evil one stay in office for four more years the world will definitely end. In fact, I think that should BJr win this time the various parties might offer up some real candidates for consideration next election. I also think that if Kerry wins and he doesn't immediately "fix" everything he loses in 2008 to someone even more dysfuctional. All else fails, there's always Canada. (I happen to know some people who know some people who just might let us stay on their couch up there so...) K. As far as the rest goes, straight Barbara Lee ticket all the way. Especially with the three strikes ammendment/money for community outreach initiatives. Ah, Babs... So pleased she's in my district.

In other news, someone got run over outside of my polling place so there were firetrucks/cops/paramedics everywhere. Then the line inside got a little out of hand when some old people had the gall to try to cut. It almost came to fisticuffs there for a minute...! {sigh} Right. Glad that's over. Now then, what shall I be disatisfied with for the next little stretch?

My week...

So, today I have my big kid here with me (she's sick. Awwwww!) I have a meeting in about an hour and a pseudo interview for someone else's department this afternoon. I need to hire another person for my department at some point over the next coupla days. Then we're having a "really, we mean it this time!" good-bye lunch for my LA today. My New LA is in trainings for a huge part of the week so I need to cover her/their daily tasks as well. I need to vote tomorrow. I also have a paper due tomorrow. I have another paper due Wed. I have to interview this work chick for my final paper (draft due Nov 17th), write up my fieldnotes and catch up on my reading for my Wed. class. CP is going to England for a week or so, so I have both the babies beginning Tuesdee (I think through next Monday...??! - I need to check the dates on that one). Ideally, this week-end I will have a "date" (if I can get my babysitter to agree to come over on Sunday - please, please, please...!) which, while technically only providing a 34% chance that I will "get some" at least provides a 100% certainty that I will be out on the town with an adult whom I adore and who I haven't seen for awhile, so no matter how you look at it, it pretty much = cool!

{sigh}

Week-end was great. I {heart} daylight savings time ending more than I do any other "holiday" so you know I'm happy. K. That's it. Back to the life...

Make me melt...

You know how you make me melt? You call me out of basically nowhere and begin your message by saying "Hey Pretty..." !! {swoon} K. So. Anyway.

I'll make this brief since I have FIFTY-BILLION things to do and every single person in the world (here at work anyway) wants something from me -- plus, my Lovely Assistant is STILL leaving (WTF??!) and although we've brought in the COOLEST replacement chick, ever... still... {sniff} I'll just miss her is all. (LA not CRCE. Although, if CRCE were to leave I'd probably miss her too. Anyway, what was that I was saying about "brief"...?)

Kid update - Spark had an asthma attack on Sat. which was insanely scary because she's tiny and shouldn't be having trouble breathing dammit! But, in the grand scheme of things, I think it's good a full blown/trip-to-the-emergency-room inducing event finally happened because she's been snuffly and unhappy and not sleeping for the last three weeks and her freaking regular doctor kept saying she was just catching "concurrent colds", meanwhile, my poor baby could have been starting her "puff" treatment and we would have been good (in the sense that she could breathe easier. I'm not just a little freaked out by the idea that my 15 month old is getting steroids but I'm looking into "alternative/holistic" treatments as we speak...)

That said, Boo was great at the ER -- very patient and self-contained. She kept making sojournes into the ER ward at large and coming back with all sorts of interesting reports. The nursing staff fell in love with her. In fact one of the Dr.s {hearted} her so very much she brought her a Polly Pocket doll with some clothes to play with! Speaking of Boo, I eventually sent her off to CP's to spend the evening and since we had a shorter time together than usual we were both very "I miss you!!" last night culminating in me getting to go have lunch with her at her school today! Yay!

Let's see.... What else...? I got to see OGE drum with her drum group (awesome!) on Sundee and I got to go see Sky Captain et alwith the ever fabulous Travelin' Man on Sat. eve (which was soooo unbelievably necessary by the time the ER ordeal was got through!) and I got to check in with my lovely Miss Tail re: the really super great things going on in her life so, I'm feeling still very busy but at least a little more caught up with my real life. Kind of. If I don't talk to BBQ and Ms. Bee soon I am going to explode! But anyway... strides are being made in those directions so I have a feeling all will be good there as well.... K. That's it. Even if there was more I'd still need to be going to get some work done so, I'm out mon peeps. More later....

O.K. so one of the main reasons I really don't like CP sometimes is because she does this THING where she gets me all excited because she makes plans to hang with the Boo (plans in which she actually schedules time for the two of them to hang out and sets up realistic schedules that she actually runs by me and that I, in turn, MAKE PLANS around) then she freakin flakes! Gawd! And it's not just the flaking that kills me -- it's the WAY she flakes. It's the freaking assumption that I have nothing better to do than wrap my life around whatever whims she might have as far as seeing her kid go! Arrrrrgggggg! THEN it's even made worse by the fact that it's not like I don't WANT the Boo and wouldn't LOVE spending time all the time in the world with her; I DO want her and I would rather have her all the time but this is soooo not about that and I don't know how to have a conversation around this that doesn't eventually involve hearing CP utter some phrase that sounds extremely close to: "Well, if you don't want her with you..." or "If you can't have her for whatever reason..." Which is NOT the case and completely misrepresenting the situation and which wouldn't even be an issue if I hadn't re-arranged my life in the first stupid place to accomodate what I continue to consider fairly important "bonding" time with the other parent! {snort} I need to take a walk now.

Witness the following telephone conversation...

Me: What're you doing?
Boo: Playing piano.
Me: Really! Where'd you get a piano?
Boo: Well, it's not really a piano. It's a BabyBug actually. and it's got pictures of a cat and dog, cat, dog, cat, dog, cat, dog, and music notes so you know they're singing so I have it open and I'm using it for a piano.
Me: ah....

And tell me HOW it is that I ended up with THE world's most adorable seven year old????

My hair is very short right now! I love the lady who cuts my hair. She's from Korea and is always chatting about her daughters and how smart they are and her husband who "is like a woman!" (which apparently is the opposite from how she "likes it") and how much she loves my "curly hair but not big!" Every time I go in there she starts with just a regular trim type of cut then when I ask for the clippers her eyes light up and she grins "Like a boy?" She asks. I nod and she goes to town. i think she was bored today though cause she made it REALLY short. Just kept clipping and snipping. She gave me a bag of popcorn to take with me too. My hairdresser is the best!

I'm sick today

What makes this different from any other day is that I'm actually staying home. I know! I'm shocked as well! I figure what with my LA leaving and certain folks around the office penciling me into their incredibly labor intensive long-term plans I should seize the opportunity to just stay in my bed once in a freaking while. Quick shout out to IHOEL who is also staying home sick and if she is not she SHOULD be...! I can only assume that with both of us out the work world as we know it will cease entirely to function but, c'est la vie, such are the chances one takes in this game we call life. K. So. Plans for today include: writing two papers (one of which is due tonight), getting a freaking haircut already, pushing my laundry around so it stops looking so "all over the place", vacuuming and figuring out how to get a 25.00 check to my kid's school -- which is all the way over on the other side of the bridge -- before her new Drama Club starts tomorrow... Ha! I remember the days when I used to be "sick" and I actually stayed in bed, drank tea and whined alot. So, cute!

It has been brought to my attention that I was horribly remiss in leaving some peeps out of the "can't live without" category of today's earlier posting and I would first like to apologize unreservedly -- my omission was not meant as a slight vis a vis the idea that I can in fact live without the missing people but more of a reticence to ascribe the "liking me very much" part to folks who honestly may not hold me in as high an esteem as I seem to think they do. (Interestingly enough, most of the people I left off the list were girls and that was mostly because I have NO trouble deciding whether or not boys can live without me, it's the chicks that are all obtuse en sheet...) Having said that then I would like to ammend the category to read "People who I think like me very much and whom i cannot live without" and include therein:

The entire B family
The Lovely and effervescent Miss Tail
Other Girl (and her dad)
My mom
and a whole host of work peeps who are jsut really nothing short of fabulous (you know who you are!)

Kisses to all and thanks for keeping me sane.

Coming up for air

{Gasp!} Going back down...

K. So I have been in meetings all day for the last coupla days and I'm going into all day trainings for the next few. Sigh. I'm tired.

People who love me:

My kids
My Prof. K
My brothers
My BBQ
My soon-to-be ex assistant

People who don't love me yet but who will (dammit):

Green eyes
My new assistant (whomever that person might be)
Cute chick in my Wed. eve class

People who like me a whole lot and who I could not live without:

Mistah Lovah-Lovah
Travelin Man
Pretty Boy
Dirty Boy
Angel

Notice how all the people I want to love me are female whereas the ones who already think I'm swell are of the boy variety? Indicative of an issue I may be having with my life? Possibly. Something I have the time/energy to do anything about? Nah.

Let's pretend it's Friday -- Happy Birthday Ms. Bee!!!!!!! Yer the best

K. Now pretend it's Saturday.

Happy Birthday my beautiful, little (big - HUGE) Boo!!!!

Right. So, I'm basically in the middle of the most stressful time of my life ever! yet -- but -- I still had a great week-end! Mostly. Witness the following conversation with random friend and his chick whom I ran into in the grocery store:

"Friend": Hey.
Me: Hey.
"Friend": Whattaya doing here?
Me: Buying food.
"Friend": Baby food?
Me: Um hm.
"Friend": Looks gross.
Me: Yup.
"Friend": Where's the kid?
Me: Which one?
"Friend": [blank stare]
Me: Which one??
"Friend": Uh, the one that had her birthday...?
Me: She's at her CP's. With the Baby.
"Friend": [blank stare]
Me: Her sister. The baby we've had living with us for the last four months.
"Friend": Oh.
Me: ...

Me: You're a dick.
"Friend": Yeah.

Seriously. Why do I even bother? Luckily, this interaction was entirely offset by the FABULOUS ultra-sweet-wonderfulness of the L-L's who have once again stepped in to do some quality baby watching whilst the older kid and I went off to the movies to get our "quality-time" ON! Thank you again, you two. You rock and you can not even begin to understand how much I appreciate having people who will not physically or mentally damage my kid (well, mostly) that I can call on in a pinch. (I know you're really just marking time til you're going to need round-the-clock Boo as babysitter skills but, seriously, if you need anything from me before then, do not hesitate to ask! :-] )

Re: work.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

---

In other news, I posted to Craig's list offering to exchange a kitten for a car and I've gotten three responses so far... hmmmmmmm.

So, the peeps who live in front of me discovered that whilst they were asleep the other eve someone (or ones) shot thier truck! I know! Pretty disturbing. I went out to look and saw this neat little hole in the passenger side door. I have determined that, if nothing else, an event of this magnitude warrants an official name change. From now on, the ladies in question will be known as LOG (Lil Ole Gansta) and TOG (Tall OG) and whenever I need to reference them collectively I will simply call them "The Gs in Front"...!

---

The Boo said the sweetest thing the other day. We were at the super stellar Birthday Party of the young Debbie Harry (fabulous daughter of a workpeep of mine) and she said to Spark who had misplaced me and was feeling sad about it -- "Don't worry, Spark. Your mommie's over there...[pointing at me]" Your Mommy is over there!(!!) I just about melted into THE biggest puddle of goo the free world has ever seen! {sigh} I love my kids. i am most blessed.

Ah, Fall....

Have I mentioned yet how very much I lurv the Fall? I {heart} Autumn!! The air is crisp, the light is freaking awesome, we finally get to switch back to real time and some of my very favorite people ever chose to be born during this wondrous season. Interesting that they all chose the same three days... but whattaya gonna do. I just need to remember to stop by Costco so I can stock up on some bulk gifts and we'll all be good!

k. so. I'm sitting in class last night staring at my bag of M&Ms and having the following deep thoughts: "'Ingredients. Skim milk and milkfat'...?? Why'd they bother separating the two if they're just going to throw them back in together?" Yes folks. This is what I do on Wed. nights. Who says Grad school is wasted on the young! Sigh. I'm sorry but this professor is just not turning out to be the intellectual giant I was hoping for. Or maybe she is. I still haven't read any of the stuff she's published although I gather she's quite prolithic in "certain circles." Whatever. It is my humble opinion that while this lady couldn't teach her way out of a paper bag, she still has a certain insight into the whole academic publishing industry that might prove useful... Now if I can only figure out a way to freaking stay awake...

Heaven help me

I'm about to spend 120.00 on Bratz dolls! I have to, you understand?!! Boo wants a Tokoyo Bratz for her B-day and I was looking at the Tokyo line and I happened upon this wondrous creature and well... it's a sickness. Still though, look at this perfect little person and tell me who among you can honestly cast the first stone??!

And so the pendulum swings...

Back to loving my adorable baby very much. I swear, when she's not hollering, she's really quite fun.

My work life is crap right now.

It just is. Well. I guess it's not if we consider the grand scheme of things. In the grand scheme of things I guess I'm pretty well off. Anyway. this is the person to whom I entrust my progeny. It all seems wrong somehow yet still so very right...! K. I'm out. Collective finger cross, people that I survive the next week and a half.

I just sat in traffic for an hour and a half. No accidents, no stalls, just a whole bunch of cars not moving. Someone really needs to take a long hard look at where we, as a society, have managed to get ourselves...

Technically,I'm working...

But I'm also waiting for thousands of magazine articles to transfer their about to be re-designed selves to my harddrive so I figured, heck, might as well post!

Week-end was fine. The children and I attended the B-Day bash of a certain Miss Lucky Lu which was not only great in that we got to celebrate the having-been-hatched day of the coolest three-year-old around but also we got to see people we haven't collectively seen in pretty much forever so it was all good. Had to leave early though to get the Boo to her Acrobatic class -- then spent the remainder of the day just pretty much tramping around.

Then, on Sunday I worked. "But," I hear you asking somewhat incredulously, "what on earth did you do with the babies??!" Well, as a matter of fact, I left them with the fabulous, the wonderful, the really-couldn't-imagine-what-I-would-do-without-those crazy Canadians -- Mistah Lovah-Lovah!! [round of applause, people! Let's hear it for the L-Ls! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You guys rock!!!!!]

Oh! And, can I just say, my baby (who when we're not being cranky with each other, really is quite the delightful little tyke!) is soooooo going to be a kick-ass drummer when she grows up...! She was in her little play area last night tapping out this beat using both her hands and the door of her plastic refrigerator and I swear to you I thought it was someone outside the house playing music! Until I stuck my head into her room and she stopped and grinned at me. Seriously. That kid is a drumming-savant.

Seriously, is it possible for me to have anything else that has to be done????

K. Breathe. Stress, stress, stress. My life is a ball of stress right this second. Nice though that Mistah L-L is going to watch my babies for a bit on Sundee so that I can come in to work and further test the website. Also, nice that one of the Sweeties here at work invited a group of us to a very cool music-in-the-Park kind of event that happened today during lunch and which was not just great but also involved sitting around in the sun talking to Green Eyes so you KNOW I was feeling no pain.... K. {sigh} back to building pages...

Is it wrong to be smug?

K. So tonight was Boo's Back-to-school night and all the regular suspects were there. Can I just say on the one hand I am delighted by the continuity on the other, seeing the same kids every year just really serves to point out how incredibly OLD I am. Seriously, some of those knee-biters are practically taller than me at this point. They're having relationships fer chrissakes! Which brings us to my initial point of "sure-I'm-going-to-hell" boasting: namely number of parental types who sought me out tonight to inform me that their child (usually of the boy variety) has a crush on Boo/says Boo is his girlfriend/really loves my child! = 4 sets! Of course, I know this. Of course, when one is parenting a Boo one must expect these parents to seek to secure their child's future happiness by somehow maneuvering them to the front of the "must-have-a-Boo-in-my-life" pack by mentioning (in a laughing way, always with a smile...) that their son says that "Boo and he are boyfriend and girlfriend!" and then (surprise!) the, "Ha! Kids. What will they think of next! [chuckle] so... has Boo ever said anything...??????" Get in line folks. All I can say is that of course, it's her decision who she likes but I would suggest you have your references handy! Besides which, Boo already loves Becky and Antonia [note: none of the children's names used in this post are real and even if they are -- so! What're you gonna do about it??] and so there's really only the couple of spaces left in her entourage. Boys who are fighting for prime positioning would include:

Caio - Surfer dude, super jock kid who's pretty much always in charge of whatever game is being played. This may be because he knows all the rules really well or it may be because he somehow always owns the ball.

Eli - Loner type whose parents are misplaced New Yorkers. Young E. has decided that he doesn't like girls but he does likes Boo. Two major points in his favor would be that 1) he's got one of the coolest moms I've ever met -- cool in a very New York kind of "big emotions!" way and 2) he has not washed his hair since school started three weeks ago.

Sammy - Young rock star type. Seriously sweet. Across the board beautiful (like in a Boy Bratz, clear green eyes, dirty blond hair and long curling eyelashes kind of way) a bit "slow" for Boo's tastes but good to have on board if you're looking for someone who could really care less that "dinosaurs aren't cool anymore!"

D'Andre - Very cool kid with very cool parents. Kind of like a young polititian without the smarm, just generally set.

Boo, of course, has gone on record noting that she has a "crush" on some kid named Jake whom I haven't really gotten to know all that well but whose Dad seems nice enough in a big friendly bear kind of way. And she doesn't even really play with Jake. She plays with Sammy although sometimes I think it's because he's part of a package deal that includes Becky. It's all so confusing... Plus, have I mentioned that they're only in the second grade?????? Anyway. I'm probably just as bad as the rest of the parental types but it is weirdly gratifying to have my kid be the one the parents want their kids to play with. Again, I take no credit for any of it. I'm just pointing it out...

Now then...

Took Spark to the Dr. today to see why she was screaming all the time/vomiting/patting her ears/running a slight fever and.... as you probably already suspected....

She is fine. Not a damn thing wrong with her that isn't about being 15 months old and having a slight cold. Huh. I swear. I had really forgotten that the definition of "normal" gets very elastic where babies are involved. So. This week-end I had the super-horrific epiphany that I am very capable of getting very mad and that I don't know how to handle it. I mean I know all the book stuff like leave the room, yell into a pillow, slam a door etc. but what I don't know is how to not have this look to Boo who notices everything like I hate her sister/how to not anticipate on-going anger after we've moved on from the specific situation and things seem to be going smoothly. Meaning (as anyone who know me very well knows) that I am someone who, if I can't fix it, would prefer to find a way to not have to continue dealing with it -- but how does one deal with something that makes you mad (ear splitting screams and flinging oneself backwards when one is informed that one cannot cross the street by one's newly walking self) knowing full well that after a resolution has been reached (child is distracted by shiny button thing on sweater) the exact same thing will occur once a similar stimulus is encountered. I mean, I can't not cross streets. I found myself saying this week-end "I'm not going to let you walk if you're not going to listen!" and I actually sounded like I meant it. Which means...? I carry Spark until she's 36 and/or interested in listening to her mother?? What I'm saying is I'm finding myself in positions that are frankly untenable and I don't know any way out of them. That having been said, however, being forced to spend the day with the baby today was actually a very good thing because it allowed me to interact with her in a space where we got along and she was remarkably "good" -- despite those heathens once again draining all the blood from her tiny body (what is it with the health-care profession that they see a baby and they immediately think "bloodwork!"??) and wherein while I had/have a ton of stuff to do I still got to just see her and her cool amazingness and to remember that I didn't get her just for the tax write-off; that I actually wanted/want another kid. I want her. I want to experience raising another individual. i want to see what she going to add to my life. She's mine and I need to treat her like I want and appreciate her. Much like the Boo, Spark didn't ask to be with me -- I went after her. Sigh. Doesn't help with the mad thing but probably worth remembering.

Lastly, school. Just got back from class. We're studying leadership models and my brillant professor is playing a game she calls "What does this have to do with leadership?" wherein she shows us a clip from an old TV show or a documentary or something and we have to figure out what leadership qualities are embodied within it. Tonight she played us Kenny Roger's "The Gambler." I won't go into what all was said about that particular choice of music but I do want to put it out there that I heart her and her "methods" and I sincerely hope I am 1/10th as brillant when I finally come through this program (assuming I get out alive...)

Bah! I'm tired. Nitey-night folks. Hope tomorrow's a good day for everyone.

That's the other thing...!

I just discovered that the pants I'm wearing today have a snazzy little zippered pocket on the side which my friend who knows about this sort of thing assures me is for your "stash." Sigh. I think that makes me too old for my pants...

Two quick things

Did I mention that I now own my truck?? I "bought" that puppy pretty much the day I found out that "love" and "forever" were terms that were much more loosely defined in CP's head than they were in mine using Ford credit Co. to finance a million year loan and I just found out this week-end that I made my last payment last month! I'm not sure what to do now. I mean, it's pretty much a given that now that I do officially own the truck, the transmission will go, the windshield will crack and all the tires, including the spare, with suddenly refuse to stay inflated but still...!

Anyways. Hmmm. I just totally forgot the second thing. Ah well. It'll come to me I'm sure.

Sorry to Mr. L-L who's been moved from his comfy cubicle to an alcove near the front door which he shares with a potted plant. At least he's been issued a side table and a blue ink, "lightly used" pen so he can continue to work. Chin up, Dude! I hear the abacus is on it's way!

Where to begin...?

K. So I'm waaaay too busy to actually even begin to describe in detail why it is that I'm soooo freaking busy but, I haven't checked in in awhile now and I know my reading public is no doubt wasting away to nothing as they sit and stare longingly at thier screens... so.... without further ado -- the news!

Labor Day week-end way grand! Slight baby-sickness/fever on Friday but Spark perked up nicely by Sundee. Spent the day(s) lazing about with the babies and enjoyed every freaking second of it. On Sunday we went the the Art and Soul festival in downtown Oakland which -- can I just say -- was amazing! Not so much because it was physically beyond stellar but because it was a decent little, well-attended, kid-friendly event (wherein persons under the age of 12 got in free) with enough free stuff for the babies to do that although there was quite a bit of stuff for sale, it didn't feel like you had to buy crap just to have fun. There were some really cute little kid rides too. And music. And face-painting. All in all a splendid time. Also accomplished doing laundry and truck washing (gasp! I know!! It's actually red!) and new tiny red plant planting. Checked in with some skating friends of mine who are doing fabulously (so pretty and so tan!); got an impromptu visit from the ever-Fab Travelin' man who had to drag himself into work on Saturday fer chrissakes! but who nonetheless popped in for a quick howdeedo. Then talked to my familial types for the better part of the Sat. eve. Everyone is doing well. Little Bro got a puppy and now him and the Missus are whining about the fact that it's doing puppy things (like peeing on the kitchen floor.) The studied and revered opinion of both my Big Brother and myself is that Little B. needs to get over it/get a freakin puppy calendar if he can't handle a real dog and stop complaining...! at any rate, it was nice hearing from the bottom of the west. Also got a note from my super sweet G-ma letting my know that her and her brother and sister are officially all "in thier 90's" which is just hugely interesting especially since that woman doesn't look a day over 70! Blah. I'm egg-sausted right this second though. (I'm working from home today because I actually need to work and whenever I'm at my desk people come and bother me about dumb stuff -- "the website isn't working...!" "customers are getting all their purchases for free...!" "there's a fire in your garbage can!" Wah wah wah... When will people learn to ascertain what's truly important in life?? Anyways, I really do have stuff to do so I'm going to go. Big squeeze to everybody. Kisses and love. I heart you all!

Tease...

K. So remind me to tell you all about the very adorable "party" the stuffed animal friends of Dakota's second grade class threw last night....

For the record...

I do NOT "like" or have any designs on a certain sub-30 individual. I was simply stating what I thought might have been a thematic undercurrent in a certain conversation I had with an old pal is all.

Now then. I do like this girl in my class who is cute and has a great smile. For the first time since I started Grad school though, I am otherwise pretty unimpressed with the rest of my cohort. It would appear that all the brillant ones that I was in class with lo these last few years have moved on and I'm stuck with "Fresh" faces most of whom are o.k. but a few of whom I may need to really seriously slap. Answer me this, if you're in a Masters Degree prgram and your professor says you need to "reflect on your experience and keep a journal." What the hell kind of student would then raise their hand to inquire "How long, exactly do we need to reflect? I mean, do we need to write more than a page a day?" I ask you??!

---

My Pretty Boy just got back from the East (coast) where he was noticing that things are far more integrated ethnically than they are here which is interesting given that I thought we were doing a pretty bang-up job over on this side of the country. He does have a point though if he's mainly talking about Frisco. I mean, IMHO it's Oak-town that's got the best mix of differently flavored peeps... Or maybe it's not so much that it's got the different types living near one another, it just seems to have a super-high mix of people who are actually mixed, nawhattamean? Anyway, glad he's back. Hugs to him and his duly coping self. Hope eveyone has a splendiferous Thursday. I'm out.

Snatched from the brink!

So, my good friend Angel (being one of the few truly wonderful things to come out of that accursed state!-- No offense meant toward my Tex-Mex relatives BTW who live in Dallas, they know I've got nothing but love for the whole blessed pack off em!) has been so kind as to point out that for a mere $40.00 more than what I could reasonably "afford" vis a vis Lyle tickets, I could, in fact, secure the same level of accomodations being offered by my friend and her Pimp-Daddy (JOKE!) so I need not make any sort of Mephistopholean bargains with anybody. He, I think probably meant that should I decide to exchange love for money as it were that I should on some level acknowledge that I might actually be attracted to said individual and am only using this as an excuse to "get together" with her. I, of course, heard "Blah, blah, blah... Hell, if that's all you need, I'll loan you the $40.00 bucks!" Which is just plain sweet of him and which I may in fact take him up on!

---

K. So, I just spent nearly an hour watching a class full of graduate students not be able to figure out how to evenly dispense a bunch of handouts from the teacher. We were coming up short on one or two and these movers and shakers were at loss as to how to incorporate that information into their assumedly otherwise fully functioning lives. Teacher was (BTW) no help at all. {sigh} Maybe it's just me and the hormones coursing through my annoyed little frame but seriously, sometimes I wonder about the fate of free world, I really do...

So, technically, what does it take to make one a Whore??

Lyle Lovett is playing at the Luther Burbank Center for the Performing Arts on Monday, Sept. 20, 2004. Someone just called to let me know that her Dad has offered to secure tickets for me should I decide I want them. [ed. note: I REALLY, REALLY want them!] Details as to what exactly I'd have to do in terms of irrevocably wedding myself to the Devil are no doubt forthcoming...! Sigh.

Second Grade!

My Boo is in the second grade! I know this because today was her first day of school and we assembled on the other side of the circle from the kindergarteners and first-graders! Also, her new classroom is on the second floor! I am so excited about all of this I can really not even stand it. Her class is essentially made up of some of the kids she had in the first grade plus some kids she knows from kindergarten so it was all smiles and "hello"s! and "Yay! I didn't know you were in my class!" all round! Very adorable actually. Psycho mom and AgroChild are not a part of her class this year which is a relief but the unfortunate flip-side to that is that now I have to interact with PM (Perfect Mother of Perfect Child who cannot stand the Psycho family and always manages to pull strings to get her daughter in the other class) ... Ah well. Such is the way of life sometimes...

in short...

I've got the kid here today and I've got a ton to do so I'm going to give you all the news by bullit points.

Kid = GREAT! She's being patient and wonderful and I love having her here! (an addendum to that would be that M. -- the bookwrangler here, is also GREAT becuase she is keeping Boo entertained/allowing herself to be consulted on all manner of subjects and I am eternally grateful!)

Minor scary issue wherein Director of Ed department didn't think I should take the classes I'm signed up for (since I missed the pre-requisite classes to them that were given over the summer - for understandable reasons but still...) BUT Advisor rocks, Mills Ed Dept. rocks and most importantly Ed. Dir. rocks and Im getting a special dispensation to take one class and my Advisor is ammending a class she's teaching so I can take it as a special study! Yay!

CP is being annoying. I don't like her right now.

Home visit with Spark's new caseworker went fine. Most of house still a sty but since I'm hip to Social workers and their wily ways, I did clean the livingroom and sure enough, she settled in on the comfy couch and stayed put the entire time!

Mistah L-L has invited us all to an fancy-schmancy Pool party tomorrow at his new digs which will be fun, fun, fun!

I'm tired.

Splain to me why it is that the new social worker who will henceforth be handling our Fost/Adopt for Santa Clara County is stopping by TOMORROW afternoon -- information that is actually funny given that 1) the house is a sty and 2) I, being at school this eve, will not have time to rush home and disinfect everything??! Just wondering....

Yay!

School starts for me tonight (A very nice young lez-bean who will henceforth be reffered to as Kid Care/KC and who is attending Mills, is going to watch the Spark for me while I'm in class. In return I am going to listen to her ramble on about Philosophy and "thinking about things" -- apparently it is very important that we do. Think about things, I mean. -- and pay her alot of money. In cash. At the end of each session. Anyways...) I just managed to talk my beautiful Prof. K. into being my "Directed Reading" coach! Whoo Hoo! She rocks! Now, granted I'm sure I'd be just as excited to have her on-board as it were, were she not quite so stunning (cause, let's face it, she's also brillant!) but still and all, it never hurts to have something nice to lok at as you discuss "policy implementation and integration." My other class is "Qualitative Analysis" which I'm sure will be THRILLING... K. back to work. Just felt like being excited for a minute at chall.

Still tired after all these years...

School is starting this week for me. I think I have to check in tonight but since I am LAME I haven't really looked into it and so have NO idea where I'm supposed to go or who my professor is going to be. Nice.

---

Week end was nice. I got to have an adult evening including "dinner and a movie" with my now favorite partner in crime, Travelin' Man, due to the fan-tabulous kid-sitting skills of Spark's "grandma" (Yay, San Jose peeps!), in addition to which (super-mondo added bonus) I got to visit the B's! Yay! I heart the B family. I really do. Did not get to see my BBQ which is my fault entirely and for which I should be severely reprimanded, (or at least slapped around a little) but what with hanging out on awfully comfortable B couch and chatting with muchly-tattooed pregnant gals, the time jest slipped by! I also learned this week-end that I hate sharing my kids. I just don't see the point really. (I mean, obviously I do or else I wouldn't do it but still...) It just makes us cranky and missing each other and throws the ever-elusive "schedule" completely out of whack. Anyway. It's all good. Part of the price one pays for being a social animal I suppose...

Yesterday, we all went Boo school supply/clothes shopping which was really fun and which resulted in some of the cutest "outfits" I think I've ever seen (I also learned that a key component of an "outfit" is that it "match" -- see what paying attention can get cha!)

Also chatted with Miss Tail for awhile last night which was GREAT! She's such a cutie and such a keeper and I'm thrilled she's returned from her travels and is now once again available 24/7 for me to hound with my ishoos! Yay! {sigh} K. I need to get stuff done now. More later.

The problem with Craig's List...

Is that if you're checking out the personals, it's pretty much inevitable that you'll answer the one placed by a friend of yours and by the time you figure it out pretty much the only thing you can feel about it is that on the one hand it's really kind of cool/funny/interesting/ironic and just makes you love them all the more -- on the other, it's also kind of sad.

Testing time!

Well the honeymoon is officially over! That's right folks, the Spark is settled in, she's comfortable with us as her new familial peeps, she understands the rules of the house and now... it's all about testing! Yay! It's cute actually. She'll look to see where I am and if I'm looking at her before she throws her cheerios all over the place. Then (anticipating that I'm going to stomp over and grab her tiny little hands and hold them "Firmly but gently" for five seconds while re-iterating that "We don't throw food!") she'll get herself all tensed up so when I do grab her hands she's in a perfect position for maximum squirmage. Today in the car she even started crying before I put her hands down. No worries though. I guess it's a good thing in ye olde grand scheme and all of that. Annoying though.

---

I like Green Eyes very much. She's good people.

---

Lunch today with Traveling Man! Yay! Haven't seen him in a coon's age so it'll be nice to reconnect as it were.

---

Shout out to the Bee family who are all spending some quality "day-care-provider-has-the-audacity-to-think-she's-allowed-to-go-on-vacation" time at home together. Hope the days are filled with love and light and lots of fun crafts projects!

---

K. no more posting. Must get actual work done....!

Still tired.

I think the baby's getting some new teeth. Lots of low-grade temperature/general crankiness/middle of the night screaming going on. Big kid is sick too. Last night CP and I had the following conversation:

CP: So, your kid's still sick.
Me: Awwww! Poor baby!
CP: Yeah. Poor little one. {long pause} So.... if she's still sick tomorrow what are we going to do?
Me: Whaddaya mean.
CP: Well, my boss is out tomorrow and she asked me to definitely be a work to cover Thursday and Friday. So, what do you think?
Me: About you working or about the Boo?
CP: The Boo. If she's sick.
Me: Um. I guess if you HAVE to work and she's sick and needs to come home I'll go get her. I guess.
CP: o.k.

Now, I could list all the ways in which this is annoying and do a graphical chart delimiting the breakdown of actual physical time CP has spent with Boo in the last week and a half vs. the amount of time kid has been sick/in my care with a special line item representing sheer "behind-ness" I am falling at work because I've essentially not been there for the last three days... but I won't. I won't because I do not in any way want to be read as bitching about "having" to watch Boo. I love Boo. I will rearrange anything in my life that needs rearranging to ensure that she is looked after, secure and happy. I just sort of resent the fact that that sometimes means I have to rearrange to accomodate CP whom, unfortunately doesn't necessarily deserve the same treatment. Ah well. Moving on.

---

Time with mom was exhausting. I'm glad she came out. i'm glad she exists but my GAWD that woman is cynical. I get that she basically grew up feeling no love whatso ever but it's hard dealing with the single most bitter person on the planet 24/7. {sigh}She just needs a lot of love is all and I'm just not equipped to deliver right this second. We got into a fairly heated argument about schools and accountability right before she left which I think made her feel bad because she called me three times after she got home. I've yet to call her back because I suck. Plus I need to just kind of breathe for a minute.

---

I got the speech from Pretty Boy last night. You know the speech. "You're so great and wonderful and attractive! I can't imagine a scenario where you'd be alone for the rest of your life..." speech. Which I'm always giving and which is annoying to hear so I'm thinking I'll stop throwing it around quite so much...

K. I'm done. Work needs to be worked and I'm not really interested in thinking about anything in depth right now so I'm out!

Too tired to blog.

Will check in tomorrow. Promise.

Looks like I've got the Boo all week though which is nice...

Whew.

Mom=gone. Finally. Serious deadline fast approaching. No actual time to work on anything. Kids are sick. One all-day trip to San Jose/two Dr. appointments for the Baby with the Big kid in tow (did I mention she's sick too?) planned for tomorrow. We need to be down there at 8:30am meaning --- we leave the house at 7:00 --- need to be awake at --- let's see --- 5:30! Nice. Somebody explain to me how people do this, again...

And did I forget to mention...?

My mom's going to be here tomorrow. She's only staying for a bit (leaving Monday) so it should be fine. My place, however, is a sty and I'm getting no sleep these days so I'm kind of cranky. Ah well. We shall see what we see, eh..

Arrrrrrgggggg!

I was doing so well! I was fine. I was happy. I had the whole situation under control. And now she's back from vacation and I CANNOT believe how incredibly sexily, stupidly attractive she still is! Fuck.

---

K. in other news. I have been informed that I am not in fact "lucky", what I am is "Serendipitious."

This from Dirty Boy who has nothing better to do with his time than analyse me and my life:

"So, the thing is, you're always going around saying you're 'lucky' and acting like you as a person have nothing to do with whatever it is but the thing is you're not just lucky. Shit happen to you that happens to everybody you just make the most of it. Look, I was reading this article that sums you up 'Chance is socially organized and certain contexts favor both the novel observation and the capacity to make it matter.' I know how crazy you are about 'accurately describing things' so stop saying you're lucky. You're not."

Got it. Thank you. I will endeavor to be more precise in my emoting from this point forward. Can we work on your issues now?

Teaser

K. This is just real quick but I have to say, I chatted with my man, Pretty Boy last night and I just so have to give him major props. He's one of the few people I know who actually seemed to have accurately assessed the parts of his personality/patterns that were giving him problems, spent an enormous amount of time actually working on them and then come out on the other side! PB is fixed, people and I couldn't be more proud of him! Oh sure, He may not be perfect (well, to me he is but my standards are more fluid than other peoples') but he's whole and healthy and happy (although right this second he's admittedly pretty wrecked) and has a fairly good handle on his motivations and reactions and is working on dealing with them in a normal, self-loving manner (heh, heh, I just said "self-loving!"). I am soooooo impressed with him right now I just want to buy him lots of pretty things and kiss him all over his face, neck and ears! Anyway... just needed to put that out there. More later on people who've suddenly contacted me who I haven't spoken to in 7 years....

Whew!

Sorry I'm being all incommunicato, folks. I'm running up against some issues/deadlines here (at work and in the life) that are all conspiring to kick my a**! No worries though. I'm thinking I'm going to get the best of them in just a little bit and then I will be back and chatty and able/willing to entertain!

Tiny brothels...

Feeling a little like I'm running a miniature house of ill repute. I've invited one of Boo's friends over for a sleep over and they're not allowed in Boo's room (since Spark also sleeps in there and she goes to bed at 7:00pm -- I thought I could keep them entertained with videos and cookies but I was sadly mistaken...!) so, they're playing dress-up and in doing so have raided MY closet which basically means I have two tiny people trotting around in velvet slip dresses with cut-out designs, short satin kimonos and 5-inch red strappy sandles! I am simultaneously horrified, captivated and not just a little curious about the fact that the seven year old can maneuver in those things better than I can!

Clarity doesn't necessarily make it better...

So, a good friend of mine just got dumped by thier siggie and I think that sucks. I think it sucks for a whole variety of reasons not just because the GFOM is a GREAT person who soooo doesn't enter into this kind of crap lightly and even moresooooo doesn't deserve getting in any way made to feel miserable about anything (ever!) but also because it occurred to me (in analyzing this -- as is my wont with things that really are none of my business) that even had this person been clear about their feelings and/or lack thereof my friend probably still would have gotten hurt. That bugs me. I want people to take it upon themselves to be clear in their intentions but I also want it to be enough that when a person is clear, that the other person picks up on the warning signals contained therein and scales thier emotional response accordingly (this is all theorhetical BTW -- I have no idea what actually happened within the confines of my Buddy's relationship...) But then I think "Is that even/ever possible?" Is it desirable. In the first place, noone is ever able to be really clear about anything because noone knows what the hell they really want. In the second place, I've had people tell me flat out that they don't want me (never have, never will) and rather than taking that bit of info like the well-meant "back-off" it is intended to be, it just makes me want them more. So, I guess what I'm really saying is not that I want the world to be more forthcoming with/responsive to "clarity" in all it's incarnations -- I guess, I really just want a way to make it so the people I care about don't get hurt all the time. I'm also somehow guessing that finding and beating up all the transgressors is also pretty much out of the question...

---

In other news, the Boo told me an off-color joke last night which she learned from a friend of hers who is seven. The joke involved a foreigner and his English teacher, an airport, a zoo and an infant. The punchline of this masterpiece was: "Take off ze-bra, Baby!" which she explained to me was funny because it was French. {shakes head} I was and am, quite honestly at a loss.

While at the same time...

Very much loving my cute little Spark and her Frankenstein-esque toddler-about-the-house self!

I miss my kid...

That's it really. Too much work. Too little sleep. Missing my Boo.

tired and old

Me=both. I just got through creating a profile just for the Boo on my laptop and I'm realizing that once I moved all her software and favorites off my partition and onto hers, all I had left was the boring crap...!

Shout out to Mistah Lovah-Lovah who is FINALLY back from whatever god-forsaken clime he was off to and who spent the last 48 hours flitting about like the society photographer he is taking "snaps" for some movie that's maybe going to be at Sundance. Yes, folks, he's THAT talented -- it helps that he's also very accomodating and extraordinarily reasonable, price-wise! I'm going to have to get him to sign all the stuff he's given me quick before all the fame goes to his head!

La, la,la! BBQ's back!

The Children have returned as well but since we're apparently not speaking to each other (petulant little brats!) I am not as excited about their newly re-established presence in mine life! Yay, yay, yay -- BBQ is back!

Marine World, Vallejo!

We spent the day at Marine World, Vallejo! celebrating one of the Boo's very best friend's birthday. During my time spent at that illustrious amusant park I learned three very important lessons:

1) You are NEVER too old to rock black lycra shorts!

2) Airbushed form-fitting tanktops look good on everybody!

and

3) You should never let the fact that you only have a quarter inch of hair stop you from sporting a festive headband!

I also had the following conversation with a very nice young man as we waited for our respective children to finish riding the Cobra for the fourth consecutive time:

Him: My daughter...not this one... my other one, from my first marriage... she used to love this ride too.
Me: Yeah. Second marriage?
Him: Yeah.
Me: How's it working out for ya?
Him: good. I mean, I'm much more mellow anbout this one.
Me: Yeah.... See, that's what I want.
Him: What?
Me: the second mariage. Except I don't want to have to go through the first one to get there, you know what I mean?
Him: Yeah.
[longish silence]
Me: You know what. never mind.
Him: {nodding sagely as our various children run up and begin to climb all over us} o.k.

Today is a good day

I know! Not what you'd expect from someone whose BBQ has AGAIN up and left her for protracted lengths of time and whose other so-called friends (Mistah L-L!) have also deserted her in droves. But, it's all good. I understand that the road to total acceptance of your place in The Life of a Magnet does not always happen smoothly or immediately or even sometimes at all so I will instead simply rise above it and move on to other friend making pursuits!

Not sure why today was such a good day other than the fact that it's the third day of a week in which I expected to accomplish very little but in which I'm actually getting a great deal done. Part of that would have to do with the fact that God saw fit to give me a great Baby who is very patient as I drag her from meeting to meeting and essentially expect her to fall asleep on command so I can then work and the other part would be about having co-workers who are on-it as far as delivering the various bits I need them to deliver in a timely and courteous manner. And I ran into my beautiful Professor K by chance as well. She's still awesome and there's a 3% chance she will be teaching a class I'm taking in the Fall (fingers crossed -- hope, hope, hope!)

Plus, I get to see my Big Girl tonight (she and the CP are dropping by for a little impromptu photo-going-through and I am just thrilled at the fact that I get to see her essentially every single day this week!)

Hmmmmm. I think that's it though. Nothing new to report. Just general happy-happies. I'm trying to code a drop down menu right now and my brain got a cramp so I had to stop. I think I'm good now, though, so it's back to the mineshaft with me!

Ah, me...

Tired right now but in remarkable spirits. The re-design I'm working on for work actually looks like it's going to be finished on schedule which is shocking and shouldn't be allowed to get out lest design firms around the globe collapse inward upon themselves from the weight of all that guilt!

K. I have my baby with me all week (Damn you fabulous Daycare peeps for actually expecting to be able to take time off!!) so I'm doing alot of "working in the morning while Baby has her nap, driving to work to attend meetings with child in tow -- although the offers to watch her from the co-work peeps are definitely pouring in and are mucho appreciato! -- then home in time for longer afternoon nap so I can work some more followed by early evening walk, supper, playtime and... more working after Spark goes to sleep!" Yay! Sigh. It's all good though. As always the accomodatingness of my working world is amazing to me so I've nothing to really complain about.

Part of my morning today consisted of going to watch my used-to-be-afraid-of-the-water Big Girl not only dive for a ring but also float on her back AND voluntarily get her face wet!! I know! I'm just going to have "Proud Mommy!" tatooed in huge letters across my forehead in order to adequately convey the immensity of all that I feel for my Boo!

Heard from the big brother as well. It seems my nephew has just had his tonsils ripped from his five-year-old body but that all is currently well and he is doing fine. Poor little guy. Whilst he was on bedrest though mine nephew learned to play chess so I think it's pretty safe to say that we'll be seeing him at the Moscow World Championship delivering a much-needed spanking to the ever-weird Bobby Fischer either later this year or sometime early next...

My heart, she is full!

My Baby has sooo many teeth! She came with eight but now she's got like three molars and four side teeth all pushing in at the same time! Remarkably enough, she doesn't seem particularly crabby about it. I'm spending all this coming week with her so p'raps I'll see a bit more moodiness but these last few days she's been jest fine. In other news, the children are coming home at the end of the month. There was a bit of drama wherein certain people thought that I'd ceased to love them (!!) -- suffice to say tears were shed, sulkiness happened but as with most things, after some stern advice and a good spanking, everything managed to work itself out. Angel-baby, being the only functional one of the group is apparently going to stay out there a bit longer so he can get a better handle on the Punk Cowboy scene/continue getting laid regularly but DB and OG are heading back to the land of promise, sunny skies and moi. Couldn't be more thrilled. no really.

K. I'm actually just working right now so I should get back to it. Quick question: Why after all this time and a host change, do i still find Steve so hot??

Genius!

We just got home from the Boo's play. She, of course, was BRILLANT! Gretel re-interpreted as pre-pubescent bad-girl with a heart of gold! Fabulous I tell you and I'm NOT just saying that because she's my baby-girl. I love you, Baby-girl!!!!

Enough

Let me just put an end to this right now. [Apologies to those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, BTW, and shame on those of you who do! Now, don't you feel awful that I'm having to take up valuable blog-space that could have been devoted to ramblings about my babies/crushes on random aging song-stresses??!]

K. You all need to get over it. I am not, contrary to popular opinion, at all interested in either of you enough to make what would constitute an HUGE change in my life just to accomodate you and your silly drama -- have we not noticed that I JUST got another baby? That I'm working full-time? That the only girl I've realistically liked in ages while continuing to be adorable, is now essentially off-limits? I have other things to think about people! Local things! I am honestly sorry to hear that things are crappy out there (At the risk of sounding smug, I freaking told you they would be!) but, know what? they're crappy here sometimes too! Grow up. Deal with it. Do not think that I (in either my real or fictitious forms) can somehow get you out of it. You don't need to be out of it. You need to stop being immature about everything and learn to deal. Fer chrissakes, I hate that I sound so old about this but you all need to figure out what you want to be doing and start working toward something instead of making shit up and coasting on Daddy's Visa. I love you guys. I really do. but I'm also sort of invested in maintaining as stress-free an environment as possible and if you're just calling to give me grief then I'm going to stop answering the phone. [Those of you who know me and who know that I already don't answer the phone will, of course understand that that last bit was mainly for editorial "effect."]

(BTW, DB you are completely in the wrong on this one. Apologize immediately and stop being such a prick!)

Supposed to be working...

And yet I find myself sitting here contemplating fixing myself a SECOND bowl of Lucky Charms! Mmmmmmmmmm, Lucky Charms.

Hey Mistah L-L, where you at?? Are you gone away to the big fancy wedding yet? And more importantly, you're back when???

Apologies

So, I was making light of a situation earlier that I should not have been. Apologies to anyone whom I may have annoyed/offended/made sad. I didn't realize just how sucky living "the life" can be and I have to admit that sometimes I'm just so thoroughly insulated by my "overall happy/contentedness" that I forget that the world doesn't always appreciate/need my wry little commentary re: it. Sorry.

You choose the ending!

Him: Hey!
Me: Hey, Honey, what's up?
Him: I'm coming out there in August.
Me: Cool!
Him: What're you doing the week-end of the 21st?
Me: Nothin. Miss Boo has a sleep-over in San Jose but I'll be around.
Him: Can I crash at your place?
Me: Of course! You can meet the Baby.
Him: {loooong pause} Oh. Right. I forgot about the baby.
Me: Meaning??
Him: Um... I guess she's probably too young to go to someone's house. Like for a sleepover or something, huh?

Ending one:

Me: {offended} Damn Skippy! And she's a light sleeper AND I just got rid of all the skanky-ass, cold-sore-inducing germology you spread all over the place the last time I let your loser self "stay over!" Plus, you have a girlfriend now! Pig.

Ending two:

Me: Um. let me make some calls...

Now I know what Jesus would do but what do the rest of you'all think?

Hearts and kisses!

I love my friends. My beautiful Dirty Boy just called me from Austin to sing some Toby Keith song at me -- that boy is seriously going off the deep end. Ah well, he was cute once...

Then Ms. Bee checked in being all bright and chipper in spite of the fact that the lemon I keep insisting she drive is now this close to bursting into flames at a moment's notice! I like that girl. I like her family. They rock.

And finally, Little Brother just called to let me know that the rumours of him co-habitating in sin as it were with probably the only female either of those boys has ever dated that I thought was worthy, are, in fact, true. Yay!

---

I had a very nice police officer sign off my fix-it ticket today. (This has degenerated into random musings at this point so bear with me...) He got all annoyed that I even got the stupid thing in the first place. he was all "San Francisco cops! Why'd he even write the ticket. Damn waste of everybody's time! Free-thinking rabble-rousers!" It was all very cute. K. so. That's it. The world remains closed but at least I know that my little bubble is surrounded by lots of other friendly bubbles and that when push comes to shove it remains all good.....

Circle life

My kid informed me last night via phone that my "life is closed." We were discussing my plans to take down (finally. After a year and a half) a picture that my Ex had made for me representing the four of us (me, her, her kid and my kid) as a single unit. It's a great picture and my kid likes it -- which, in part, accounts for the delay in it's removal post-break-up -- but it says "Mi familia" which we currently are not so I'm replacing  it with the new fancy 10X13 pic of me and my two girls all dressed up looking about as close to God-fearin' middle america as you can get (if you allow for the fact that 1) my hair is not as big as it should be, 2) I'm wearing far too little make-up and 3) my babies obviously originated from two "different daddies"... Actually, scratch that last one. By New Mexico standards DD's are pretty much par for the course. Anyway. New picture goes up, old picture comes down and I'm having a discussion with my big kid (who I MISS) about it all and she says, "Yeah, probably time to take that picture down. I don't think she was the right girl for you." Which is interesting/surprising on all sorts of levels but since I'm trying to be the adult in this relationship and since I'm TRYING not to take my dating advice from a six year old, I simply say "Hmm. Really?" Then the Boo says. "Besides, now you have Sparkle. We're all done." "Done?" I inquire. "Yeah, we're closed. Like a circle. We don't need anyone else." Which, when you think about it is kind of sad while at the same time it's kind of nice. It's also kind of true. At least right now anyway....

Punishment...

My kid who is never bad was bad yesterday. We were all quite clear that she was being bad. In fact we had the following conversation:
 
Me: Eat your food.
Boo: Why?
Me: Because you promised you would.
Boo: So, if I don't then I'm breaking my promise?
Me: Yes.
Boo: And that's bad?
Me: Yes.
Boo: Am I going to get a punishment?
Me: Are you not going to eat?
Boo: Nope.
Me: Then yes.
{silence}
Boo: Like what kind of punishment?
Me: I dunno yet.
Boo: A timeout?
Me: No. I dunno. I don't think it should be a punishment just to punish. I think it should suit the "crime."
Boo: What does that mean?
Me: I mean it should have something to do with food and eating. Like you don't get any snacks before dinner and when you get your dinner you have to sit quietly and eat it, one bite after another for 15 minutes. No playing, no talking to me, no watching a movie.
Boo: {thinking about it} Well, that seems fair.
Me: Oh yeah? Well, you could avoid it by eating your lunch right now.
Boo: No. I think I'll take the punishment.
 
Then she spent a significant amount of time asking me if it was time yet for her punishment to start. Weird. She did very well though. She was, of course, starving by the time it came time to eat so it wasn't too hard to sit and shovel in the bites. After her time was up I said, "good job! now I want you to keep eating but you can relax a little too." She said "Well, actually, I put the pillow on the cat so maybe I should stay on punishment for longer." I lurv my kid!
 
I lurv my other kid, too although I really am going to have to get some kind of a handle of the dealing with the wiggling. I get that she REALLY wants to be alot more mobile than she can be in her essentially not-yet-walking state but last night she had just been wiggling soooo much and being soooo impatient and fussy that (as I was trying to get through the door with her squirmy self plus a load of groceries) I just got exasperated and set her down on the porch whilst I popped inside to put down the bags. She, of course, promptly fell against the house and got a a very awful scrape on her cheek and a bump on her head. Nice. God, I suck at this parenting thing.
 

---

Prayers and good wishes going out to BBQ's special friend. I hope she feels/gets/stays better soon. Let me know if there's anything one so removed from the situation as myself can do to assist.
 

Whoo Hoo!

Guess whose baby girl just took five beautiful not-holding-onto-a-damn-thing steps toward her shocked yet delighted mom?? Go ahead, guess...! That's right! My Spark has officially walked! Well, toddled. Genius, I tell you! that girl is so obviously destined for great things!!

Quick side note/happy warm thoughts go out to Travelin' Man who just stopped by to be sweet at me cause he heard/read/intuited (don't want to go assuming anybody still reads this -- are there "stages" of blogging? Do we first assume that only a very select audience is reading us, then move into assuming that everyone in the world is visiting, before finally realizing that, in fact, noone is all that interested...? hmmmm.) TM, you are one of the sweetest boys I know (by far the sweetest man I know!) Thanks for lookin out.

Whoo Hoo! Now in addition to a Toddler, I have three more DVDs to peruse at my leisure. Which brings the house total to four. So, how many do I have to have before I have a "library"...?

This is special for Mistah Lovah-Lovah. Steer the drunk guy. (hint: use your mouse to keep him going straight.) -- thanks to so-called Lesbian who stole it from Geekgrrl.

Victory! (I think...)

K. So I suppose THE news would be that the Senate in a "stunning" 50-48 decision ruled against ammending the freaking constitution to make it so human beings of a specific flavor couldn't register for matching towels/sterling silver salad tongs. Here's a paragraph on the decision. Here's where you can see how your "representative" voted (Angel!!) Whew. A little amazed that this particular vote came up at all given the need to focus on, oh, I don't know, education, an aging population, the recession and the WAR but whatever floats thier boat. Nice to know my tax dollars are going toward crafting and supporting good, solid, effective initiatives!

Anyway. in other news, I'm sick. Sick of seeing Halle Berry on those stupid Catwoman posters! Ha! Sorry. Seriously. I am actually sick. I think I've managed to trace this particular lineage of cold to this one formerly very nice, considerate, somewhat attractive person who showed up at my BBQ's birthday bash with her entire sick family in tow -- given that there were 92 additional babies/children at the party and at least 10 stressed out adults I suspect the cold we all caught on that day will have worked it's way around the free world by mid-august. Again, seriously, not to be mean or anything, but if I'm dying and my baby's dying my first thought would probably be "Let's stay AWAY from a gathering involving every single person I hold dear and their kids." Again, just sayin...

I am also sick of Halle Berry as Catwoman. (I'm not even going to link to the various sites I'm so discusted.) I actually heard someone call a radio station, equally annoyed, to complain "I mean, seriously, Michelle Pfeiffer was the original cat woman!"

First, props to Ms. Pfeiffer, she is a woman amoung women and she more than did justice to the latex but I think we all would do well to collectively remember that those hallowed boots were shown the meaning of strut by none other than the fabulous Eartha Kitt in Season #2 of Batman -- circa 1967. (Yeah, I know Julie Newmar came first but Eartha Kitt IMO freaking defined that character! Wanna make something of it?? What?!)



Come on people. Look at her!

This vs. this....

Not that I'm a Halle hater, the girl's just not sexy. She's pretty. At times she's even beautiful but sexy...? Like this sexy...?! fraid not.

Alrighty then!

I bow to the will of my reading public -- for the record, I CAN'T just go back to the old design. Stupid Blogger templates erased it when I changed it over and it was almost completely customized so... Just not enough time/energy/reason to try to make it again. -- let's just live with this new design a little and see if we all make it out alive.

News: not much really. week-end is going well. Had a great day with the kids yesterday. Miss Tail dropped by this morn for a visit which was grand! Got to unload a bunch of stuff I've been thinking lately re: CP and Boo watchage and everything and I think the whole exasperating situation may just end up turning out o.k. (seriously, a win-win for everyone involved, I think.) At any rate stayed tuned for more info re: that. i'm not going to jabber on about it lest I jinx the whole thing so, for now, onto other topics...

---

Wanna hear something seriously disturbing? I was looking at the insides of my wrists the other day whilst the Boo was having her bath and she inquired what I was doing and I said, "nothing. just looking at my wrists." and she said "Why? Are you going to cut them?" !!!!!!! From a six year old. I am still shocked. She wouldn't tell me where she'd gotten that particular concept from either. I asked in what I thought was a fairly non-judgemental way what made her think of that in particular and she immediately got all weird and cagey on me. "Oh, no reason." quoth she. "I was...uh... just thinking about a foot and how you can step on something and get cut." Hmmmmmmm. Six years old. First grader. I'm scared of the world we've created sometimes.

Re: the new design

BBQ hates it. Anyone else care to weigh in...?

Ta-Da!

I've updated my look! What do we think? In so doing, however I've lost my links to interesting peeps/places so rest assured my angels, if you were there and you're not not, you will be baaach!! [If you could read that with a sort of Guv-ner Schwartzenegar voice that would be great!]

---

So, my truck is now so impossibly dirty that not only are minds across the country boggling at the very idea but it is also almost impossible to get a decent reading on what its original even kinda color used to be. My house is filthy too. And let's not even get started on my clothing situation! Although, I do need to give a mondo-huge THANK-YOU to BBQ for letting me come over ad use her washing/drying apparatus so at least the kids' clothes are not sparking any federal investigations...!

Filth, filth, filth.

Speaking of which (kind of) I watched some Canadian Tranny Pornography film last night and I must say there are some REALLY beautiful Male to Female mostly pre-op transexuals out there in the land of the friendly Mounties. One lady in particular made me seriously consider renouncing mine homeland for good. I mean they're already treating us gay types more fairly, the air is cleaner, the politics seem less skarewed, now they have ta throw in some really quite beautiful MTF types???! I mean, seriously, on some level it's got to be illegal. She was doing all her trash talk in French too. Very cute. BUT the thing is, the reason I even bring this up is because I'm wondering about the audience for this particular movie. I mean they had Boys doing the "Girls"; they had them doing each other (and the Boys) and they even had them doing Bio-Chicks -- which would all make me think that the target is MEN - heterosexual ones with perhaps a bent leaning or two - but there was also this stab at sweetness and "plot-development" that smacks of Girly-oriented-films so I wonder.

I mean, the actors were being really sweet to each other. i know it sounds weird but there was this one scene where one of the MTF actors was quite clearly over being sawed in half by her current partner's ENORMOUS member so she sort of wiggles away and leaves. She just heads out of the scene! Then the guy she was with (somewhat surprised) jumps up and goes after her and sort of catches her and throws her onto a bed (they were being all smiley about it but it was obviously unscripted and she obviously was still not into him just then) and they're sort of rolling around but then she looks at him really seriously "not-in-the-mood!" and sudden cut to the next scene where he's with some Bio-Chick who he's pumping away at and our heroine is kind of sitting in a chair off to the side just watching. Interesting. Not to say that people in the porn industry don't treat each other very well/considerately, I've just never seen it in a film before. Anyway, I'm probably jumping to a huge stereotypical generalization by assuming that just because they were sweet to each other (that wasn't the only part either. There was another couple who seemed very much in like with each other the female part of whom was being handled VERY gently -- albeit in a "hands behind the back" kind of way by her partner.) the movie may have been trying to give the ole nod to it's girl viewers and their "feelings" but... It was just interesting is all.

Marin County Fair

O.K. so with a name like "Marin County Fair" I can expect that it will be, on some level, fairly expensive/annoying, yes? Yes. So, WHY am I surprised that it cost $6.00 to park, $12.00 per person to get in, $3.00 to go on the roller coaster (although all the other rides were supposedly free) $7.00 for a hot dog and french fries, $8.00 for some cheesy dolphin-balloon on a stick that the kids all wanted -- all for the opportunity to walk around in the heat moungst booths selling overpriced Ren Faire crap and cell phones. I did get to watch a bunch of full-face makeup, extrememely white women revive the ancient art of sword/belly dancing though, which almost made it worth it.

Plus we went with the annoying uber-"globablly concious" dad of Miss Boo's friend so there were the requisite speeches on why he wouldn't pay "good money" for ice cream that his kid wanted and that was probably produced by some starving farmers in Guatemala who were only making three cents a year -- this being the same individual who told me that he'd "considered adoption because of all the children that needed saving" in this country but then realized he couldn't because his wife explained to him he'd have to stop traveling so much so he could stay home and take care of them. Also the same guy who made us all wait for him to get a brochure for outside miniature hottubs before demanding that we all head over to the bandshell to take in the "Afro-Carribean" act which was going to be doing "drumming or something." Blah.

First and foremost

Let me offer my profoundest best wishes and hopes for the absolute best-est year ever to my Best-est Buddy ever, the fabulous Ms. Q! Having been one of the select few graced with an invitation to celebrate the arrival of another year in Ms. Q's stellar life I just have to say, there are few people in this world that can occupy one of the highest pedestals I've ever crafted and not simply maintain thier balance over the the somewhat rocky meanderings of more than a decades worth of tribulations but also actively perform tricks but one of those people is my BBQ -- who I just need to constantly thank for being in my life. Every day I get to continue knowing you makes me feel that much luckier than pretty much every other shmoe I see slogging through thier pathetic lives riding on BART in the mornings, so, again I thank you.

God. I am so out of it right now. I'm having to pretty much re-type every single sentence I attempt due to spelling errors, bad grammer and just plain obtuse sentiment so I think I will actually keep this kind of short. Just wanted to check in with a howdy ho and Happy Birth to the BBQ, a HUGE I'm sorry to Mistah L-L for completely flaking out on him and Sir James tonight (I dunno, I am suddenly just really afraid of being around large crowds of people who are actively interested in watching things explode -- plus! I got TWO freaking tickets this week-end due to all the "increased police presence" out there! Dumb stuff too, like no front license plate and crossing the white line in the carpool lane. Really annoying.) Anyway. I'm going to crawl into bed now and pretend I'm safe and that everything that needs to be discussed in depth up here will be there for me to discuss in the morning. Hope you all are having a safe and healthy fourth. Nitey-night.

"Intimate" things you could learn about me should my bag ("purse" to most everyone else but I like to pretend I'm not that femme!)ever decide to fall open and spread it's contents out for the world to see:

1) I have a baby -- or I just really like carrying around a spare diaper and some wipes.

2) I have an older child, too -- or, again, one might surmise that I keep a bag of Cheerios and a box of apple juice on hand just in case my blood sugar plumets suddenly without warning...

3) I am currently sporting or have had in the recent enough past to feel the need to tote around a tube of "Dr. Morgan's Cold Sore Relief Lip Balm", a cold sore.

4) I am on or intend to soon be on the rag.

5) I am or soon will be sought by the law. Evidence: one assumed jury summons which is postmarked 5/13/2004 the envelope of which has not yet been opened and one unpaid parking ticket circa February 6th, 2004.

6) I am INSANELY busy up until October of this year after which either things slack off a bit or my various pens simply ran out of ink.

7) "Keith" is "cool!" -- I honestly do not remember who Keith is or why he is "cool!" but at some point we were close enough for me to scrawl this under what I'm assuming is his phone number on the back of a Santa Clara Medical Center business card.

8) I like M&Ms. Not enough to have finished the pack currently living in my bag but enough to have kept said pack around long enough for the candy inside it to have grown stale and powdery looking "just in case."

9) I have the cutest kids/associates in the world.

10) I couldn't take a decent ID picture to save my freaking life.

11) I go to Mills and am required to "check-in" at that fine institution this coming August.

12) I've recently returned from a visit to Yosemite where I camped in Hogdon Meadows, space #44

and finally

13) I am literate enough to subscribe to the Sun magazine but obviously not interested enough to actually open/fold back any part of the magazine in an attempt at actually reading it.

Nice.

Wow!

I've just been informed that the bank has raised the spending limit on my credit card to $6,500.00! What for the love of Sweet Lord Bee-Jezus were they thinking???? Anyway. Just a little shocked is all. I'll be cutting up that particular card later on today....

Now then, I need someone to give me 950,000.00 so I can buy two run down but still really very beautiful houses that are sitting on a double lot next door to my kid's daycare just waiting to be renovated into the combined 12 units of communal bliss that they are destined to become! What say folks, let's start our own housing Co-op!