loser = me!

So, i was in a little bit of a panic a few weeks ago because i realized that my tuition for school was due and that I hadn't made "arrangements" as they say and so would probably not be "cleared for check-in" so i scrambled around and set-up my tuition payments, sent in my med waiver form etc., etc. only to get an e-mail from this lady who was in my cohort and she has since moved into the admin world at Mills Student accounts just checking/wondering what i was up to now that i was "through with school"....! Where, I wondered did she ever get the idea that I was "through"? Well, she replied, SINCE I WAS NOT REGISTERED FOR THIS SEMESTER she just thought....... Lame. I am Lame. I did not register in April like i was supposed to and now i have to go down to the school to register in person plus pay a $250.00 late fee PLUS hope she (really a very nice person) can find all that crap i submitted since there was no actual current registration record to attach it to meaning it probably got filed in the "circular file" along with all the other dumb stuff sent in by boneheads like me.... Sheesh. I'm slipping people. Seriously. It was cute but now it's just plain dangerous.

Amazon searches

so, I'm doing research for my dissertation as well as for my job and amazon likes to list all of your "current searches" together which led to this:

The Bonhoeffer Phenomenon: Portraits of a Protestant Saint by Stephen R. Haynes
The Call of Stories: Teaching and the Moral Imagination by Robert Coles
Defining Moments: When Managers Must Choose Between Right and Right by Joseph L.,Jr. Badaracco

and

Pervy Girls: Erotic Fashion Photography by Christine Kessler

Ha!

Awwww!

Just got a Alanis Morrisette CD in the mail all the way from sunny Texas! Yay!

Have i mentioned how much i love getting presents? not just the getting stuff part but the thoughtful little "it's not your birthday but i was thinking about you anyway" piece. My Big Girl is a MASTER at the impromptu "Here's a card i made because you're a nice mom" sappy-tear-inducing momento production. Also, kudos to the friend who just happens to have found the perfect sweater for you in the back of her closet and is passing it along. or the occassional "You like that? Take it!" giftie of, say, a REALLY COOL BAG someone sewed with her very own talented hands.... That kind of "no reason" giving just makes me really happy inside. :-]

Lyle Lovett is a god!

K.D. Lang is o.k. too. :-]

Ah.... so this is what a vacation feels like!

Hmmmm. nice. cept. kind of ready for it to be done. :-]

So, i'm out in NM with the childrens visiting the peeps. Can I just say, LOVE the peeps! And the timing was perfect as well since the Grandpa (aka My Dad) as well as the world's best niece/cousin (aka Big Bro's Baby Girl) were in attendance for a nice long chunk of bonding time before heading back to their respective home states. I'll not bore you all with the details but suffice to say, MUCH birthday cake was eaten, karaoke was mastered (pictures of which may or may not be showing up soon-ish) and general good times were had all round. The mom is mad at me right this second (a little later than usual -- typically takes about four days) but we haven't been around each other much so that may account for the time lag... Went to see Hairspray - the movie TWICE which was great and most importantly got to show off the new Girlfriend to the folks who provide at least a third of my primary life support. They like. (In a "think she's a little too good for me" kind of way but I'll take what i can get!) Sucks though cause she left early and now I miss her. Luckily, i get to see her tomorrow which will be FAN-TA-BULOUS! I miss my house. I miss my friends. I miss my cats and our puppy! Mostly i miss the water. (water tastes wierd out here.) K. nuff rambling. Hope everyone is doing well. more later once i get/read my mail and find out how past due I am on rent/Pesh daycare/various bills/college tuition/ etc. etc. and feel the need to write about how suddenly broke I am.....

OH! And I didn't even mention the fact that Friday afternoon SUCKED! Got into a fender-bender type deal which (long story short since I've already processed it to death with all the members of "My Council") resulted in me not being able to pick up the Spark on time, barely making it to get the Boo and FREAKING RIGHT OUT about the whole thing. Seriously, the royal "We" ran the gamut from annoyance, panic, mean-spirited snapping at folks, tears and finally to ENORMOUS relief and happiness that IHOEL/the Bees were around to help stitch my frayed life/self-concept/reality back together. I LOVE the Bees. Really, I do.

Yesterday was GREAT!

today was o.k. don't get me wrong but yesterday...! Now there was a day!First we had the Spark's show which was AWESOME -- candid shots of which were captured by the ever popular Mistah L-L and his helpful assistant Miss Boo via digital camera and which I promise to send/show to everyone who has ever displayed even a passing interest in my children ever! A-Dor-rable! THEN with the coming home to hang out until the much anticipated Rock Star arrival for a long delayed sleep-over plus (yes, there is more) I got to talk to my Sweetie-Baby who I LOVE for a really long time despite the fact that she was all tuckered out from day-long assistanceship as she and her Ex installed fancy new hardwood floors (I'm trying to be magnanimous about the hanging-out-around-sexy-power-tools-all-day/week-end-with-the-ex thing onna counta i don't know if i have the energy to be properly jealous and i was already cranky at her without cause on Friday. Being weird again would probably just end up making her annoyed. ;-])

Today was fine. Started with cute kids running around being CUTE then a mid-morning arrival of Krispy Kreme donuts courtesy of the Rock Star's caregiver/TRSC's escort which was great. Then off to Costco to find out they don't have tires that fit my truck but only AFTER the current tires had already been stripped from said truck and thrown onto the random left-over tire heap. Seriously, fun for everyone waching the overworked, annoyed (I'm sure very nice) young men dig through the tire heap trying to re-locate ours! This whole deal took about 2 hours to sort out but at least I now know every sngle thing that is for sale in the Richmond costco down to the aisle location. Then home again to wrap it all up with a nice little visit from the Redhead (Spark's little friend) who lives across the way and some running around midst bubble-age! delightful but still... kind of ready for a nap right about now...!

I love IM!

ChickM: I'm all happy about you sleeping over next wed.
ChickM: I'll have to change my sheets/fix my bed
The Girl: is your bed broken ??
ChickM: well, technically it's susceptible to breaking
ChickM: it's fromthe 20's so the bedrails don't exactly fit the newfangled matress frame
ChickM: i just need to screw some things to some other things.
The Girl: wow .. no monkey business i guess ..
ChickM: i'll do it this week-end
The Girl: i'd hate to break something..
ChickM: O.o
The Girl: what ? its a legitimate concern for the safety of your furniture !
ChickM: i'm more concerned for the continued happiness of my "private parts"
The Girl: ahhhh .. as am i.
ChickM: no folling around anyway since Miss Boo. will be home as well but I'm gonna set "surreptition touching" at a "probability level" of 8
ChickM: srreptious
ChickM: WHY can i not spell that word???
ChickM: surreptitious?
The Girl: that's right .. i think. I do like 'folling' though
ChickM: ha!
ChickM: well THAT one i did mena
ChickM: men
ChickM: mean
The Girl: hahaha
ChickM: ah, never mind
The Girl: those words with the four letters .. they are tricky.
ChickM: ...
ChickM: 8o|
The Girl: :)
The Girl: i kid because i love ...
ChickM: you kid becaue you're MEAN
The Girl: Hey! good job! :)

I need this...

Really. Think Christmas, my birthday, any of several upcoming "anniversary occassions"....

Quick update

For those of you whom I've not had time to call back...

new job = great! I really like the people I've met so far, the work is totally doable (if a little convoluted "work-flow-wise" but hey, I'm KIND OF used to that!) and the flexibility/accomodating/benefits are awesome! The commute is not seeming so bad but I think I've had a few lucky days. We'll see if it continues to be as stress-free as it has been.

"new" car = LOVE IT! Seriously. Who knew the truck would get so completely blown out of the water! [shhhhh! Don't tell the truck I said that.] As soon as the stickers arrive/the big girl and I finish "pimpin' it out" I will post before and after pics so that you all may be jealous....

The girlfriend = equally awesome. She's just all about the bees knees as far as I'm concerned and she somehow keeps getting cuter!

kids = fantabulous. Spark has a show coming up this week-end that WILL be documented for posterity (thanks to Mistah L-L's generous loan of recording equipment) so look for that to be screened at the next holiday get-together...

Me = incredibly tired but at the same time really happy/good/set so... alls in all, I would have to say, really can't complain. :-]

Sad!

So, it would seem our Travelin' Man is travelin' to the end of the world for an extended stay starting TOMORROW! I'll miss you, my friend. I know keeping in touch isn't really something that you can count on when you're stationed in Antarctica but I'd certainly love to hear how things are turning out for ya so write if you can....

Happy!

Celebrated the mid-birthday with the Bee twins et al today! Yay! Such lovely happy, strong, fabulous little girls. Good job, B&A, on all the quality "raising"...! You guys are superstars!

Achey

and just a little bit (o.k. ALOT) whiny since all the Helpfulness yesterday resulted in my INCREDIBLY out of shape body being all achey today. Sheesh. I understand that I'm basically pathetic when it comes to physical exertion of any kind but still. I'd be nice if I could occasionally help a person or two out without spending the next three days feeling like I'm dying....

Wow...

It feels like forever since I last wrote! K. Here's my world in broad strokes

BBQ -- Happy Birthday (yesterday)! Welcome to the world of "almost 40!" You are a joy to behold and I thank God daily that she/he/they saw fit to introduce you and your splendid-ness into my otherwise sorely lacking life (also, thanks for hosting such a great party. I had a fabulous time as did all my sundry companions!)

Saw the girl today. (i mention this because i was in not the best mood this mornng due to a series of annoying events and then I saw her for lunch et viola! me=smiley/happy all over again!)

Got a "new" car. Well, new to us anyway. It's white. It's a sedan. It's got cruise control, four working seatbelts and gets great gas mileage. (and no, i DO NOT want to hear a single, solitary crack about it being about time I "grew up"!)

The Black "tribal" car is leaving. (See above) Sad, but it's time. The truck stays but is being demoted to "week-end ride" as the new car will henceforth be the commuter vehicle of choice during the workweek. Did I mention the sunroof...??

Tired. I'm tired. I'm kind of always tired so that's not news in and of itself but right this second i'm freaking exhausted.

Work for me starts on Monday (eek!) I'm skeered.

I think that's it for now actually. I'm gonna go try to relax my brain so I can be entertaining tonight. Happy almost 4th of July everyone!

Gainfully employed!

And LOVIN' it! Well, not that I've actually started working yet but I will in about a week. At a cool company that's not all that far from what I was doing both theoretically and actually with ALOT less responsibility so that's nice. It's in Paly Alty which is an insane commute (although not as bad as San Joser) but i think i can manage it since I really actually like driving/sitting in my truck so if I can just arrange kid-pick-upness a coupla days a week I think I'll be good.... :-]

Yay.

wrung out and hung out to dry...

Gawd. I feel like I've been through the wringer. Four hours worth of interview this morning trying to prove I can work then three hours this afternoon justifying my ability to write! Sheesh! Seriously, today was kind of insane. And forget thinking that since my Beautiful Prof who loves me was on my committee that that somehow MEANT something since she was the one who was the meanest(!):

"Essentially what I'm looking for here and what I haven't heard you say or read in any of the documents you've turned in is that you understand your position as an Ethnographer-storyteller. I mean, have you given any thought at all as to what you're hoping to add to the research or even which criteria you'd like us to use to judge your work?"

and

"I'm just not seeing where you're situating your proposed writing in the existing work. Your lit review barely mentions Ellis, Bochner and Eisner; have you forgotten them or are you thinking they're not essential to your understanding of the discipline?"

Christ. But, at the end of all the grilling it would seem that ....

I PASSED!!!!! I passed my Oral Exam for my dissertation proposal! (Stay with me here, basically this means that now I'm allowed to re-write everything, "clarify my position on Creative Non-fiction" in preparation for the "Proposal Hearing" in September after which i will be allowed to spend the remaining school year writing the actual book.) {sigh} I am just so tired right now... :-]

Arrg!

O.K. so today is already feeling a little STRESSFUL...!

1) wake up at 4:30am because Litle Girl had an "accident" and is wet and unhappy and needs a scrub-down. Wash/change/wrap-up child and put her into "the big bed"; strip blankets off her bed and rinse (make mental note to add "Do laundry!" to list of already scheduled Monday activities.)

2) Back to sleep for 1 hour before being awakened/summoned by Big girl who has bloody nose. Administer cuddles/stories/bridge-pinching until flow subsides. Tuck Big Girl into "the big bed" with her sister -- realize that the big bed now contains every single sentient beign in the house including the cats and head out to try to catch a few winks on the couch.

3) Wake up to alarm/regular Monday morning activities: get girls up/dressed/settled on the couch with some juice; let puppy in for some mad-wiggling activity; let cats out so they don't have to deal with aforementioned MWA; make breakfast-to-go; figure out which lunch options will NOT result in a visit from CPS; figure out "thing" for Big Girl to do at camp so "it's not totally boring" -- solution = news reporter. One digital camera, one notepad and a directive of interviewing "everybody" -- inquire about cell phone that Big Girl took with her on her walk yesterday; realize [sadly] that cell phone is lost; stop making lunch to comfort Big Girl who feels AWFUL and suggests/insists upon a punishment of "paying for the new phone" as well as "no computer for a week" [Seriously. I was good with "Sorry. I'll be more careful next time" + hug]; add "Get new phone" to list of already scheduled Monday activities; get everyone outside into the truck then realize I've forgotten aforementioned lunch/brekkie-to-go. Back inside. give in to urge to quickly check e-mail [for some insane reason] find out that e-mail account i have NOT been checking all week-end has NUMEROUS messages from my Diss. committee trying to set up my Oral exams for Tuesday/TOMORROW afternoon [1 hour after my job interview supposedly ends]; digest this info as i head back to car in time to discover that Little Girl has had another "accident" in her carseat.

Um, Help...?

Man, was that fun!

K. so for the record, last few years of dyke-marching not so much a "good time" as "kind of a chore" but this year...FAB-ulous! Hooked up with the Duck/got to meet some of her uber-cute/smart/funny friends which again sort of begs the questions as to what she'd want with me but... maybe she's just really sick of people being all fascinating all the time...!;-] Regardless, I was thrilled to be out and about, delighted to have a reason to break out the boots and beyond happy to get to spend some quality time with the Girl who has so completely driven me to distraction that I'm considering buying a summer home there....

K. nuff of that.

In other news, things are well. Heard back from two thirds of The Committee and they're talking about scheduling my oral exam (for my Dissertation Proposal, you gutter-minds!) THIS week! The suspense alone may kill me! Then on tuesday i have another (in person this time) interview with the Oakland shipyard which is just weird but hey, a job's a job right? I had to get really gushy about MS Project and Excel! Yay! blah. Again though, anything that pays actual money at this point woiks fer me!

Last and certainly least, as we all know, the Texans were here and as of this afternoon most of them have left. I belive the only remaining member of that scintillating group is Angel's Little Sis (LS) henceforth (Angel told her about the blog and now she wants to have her own pseudonym...) Hi, LS -- How the heck's apartment hunting/school registering treating you? Just remember if you need anything, anything at all, please DO NOT hesitate to call... OG's Dad! Ha. kidding. Call if you want. Eh, hem.... moving on.....

Sad.

One of Boo's rats (Piper) is very, very sick. It's so small and shivery and sad. I don't think it's going to pull through....

Tra la la

Anyone else disturbed by this woman? I mean, yes I agree with everyone else that she's got a phenomenal voice but jeesh, everytime I see her I just want to wrap her up in a blanket and give her some soup!

...and send...!

FINALLY! Qual. Exam Questions are sent! Whew. O.k. so now all I have to do is finish this thing for BBQ, do some laundry, go play with the puppy ... oh yeah, and get a job! ;-]

In other news...

I'm just plain happy today. I got to see The Girl yesterday and that just keeps getting more and more amazing (mostly in the sense that she keeps coming back!) Oh! and I met Angel's little sister and her crew yesterday. She's apparently going to school out here and is looking for a place. I don't know what's up with her posse (they all drove up from Texas - 20 hours) but I just have to say they are all three of them A-Dor-rable!

Another thing...

Why is it that every interview I have these days feels like a freaking parenting situation? I mean, honestly, it's like I have "Ask me for guidance!" stamped on my forehead....

Conversation I just had with one of the interviewers from last week:

Her:Hi!
Me:Hey there....
Her:So, I just wanted to let you know where we are with our process..
Me:Uh huh
Her:i mean, first, let me just say we enjoyed your interview soooo much! I mean, we really got a good feeling from you and we all think you'd be such a great addition to the company....
Me:but?
Her:Well, we just aren't sure you're right for that particular position.
Me:Oh. O.K.
Her:I mean, what do you think? I feel like it's just wouldn't be interesting for you.... [note: are we all catching the subtext here. She's asking me to agree with her that they shouldn't hire me for my own good....]
Me:Uh, well, actually, i wouldn't have all that much of a problem starting in a lower level role and moving into another position as it opens up... I mean i understand the company is growing and if you typically promote from the inside...
Her:Oh, we do!
Me:O.K. well,how about this, you discuss with the folks there and see what you all can come up with and I'll give you a call back say at the end of the week?
Her:Oh. O.K. that sounds good. Great! I'll talk to you then.
Me:Bye.

{sigh}Is it just me....

Is it 8:00pm yet?

{sigh} I'm tired of editing...

K. enough of that.

So, I was getting my coffee this morning and this guy who I always see when I go to this place next to Spark's kidcare but whose name escapes me, asked if I was "dating" anyone. Now, first off I've seen him there with his wife and kid so I doubt he was interested for himself but it struck me as odd because I hadn't actually thought about what i'm doing as "dating" -- i mean, sure, there are "dates" involved but i guess it just never occurred to me to apply that word to the sitch. It seems like if you're dating someone you should be going out to dinner and on outings and stuff. Which, I guess technically fits. I dunno. Maybe I'm just being weird. It just seems like "being driven to distraction" or "lusting after" or "trying to convince her to like me back" or "finally, dear God, getting to see her tonight" all of these phrases fit the bill a little more closely. Anyway, we ended up having a nice long conversation about dating in general and my dating in particular. Very nice/cute. He wished me luck.

"If I had a blog, I'd write a reasonably pleasant post about you..."

I just happened upon these e-cards. I think i am going to die!

Happy Father's Day!

As I am LAME and didn't call anyone yesterday I'd like to take a moment to salute all the super-amazing-Dad-types I am fortunate enough to have involved in my life.

IHOEL -- there are not enough words in my current vocabuary to express my wonder and amazement at your parenting abilities. You are awesome (not too mention handsome beyond belief... eh, hem...sorry) and I am honored to be allowed to watch you "work".

Big Brother -- You are my inspiration/the wind beneath my wings. You and you alone are my baramometer for measuring all that is good in this world. I count myself amoung the luckiest of people that I'm related to you since that pretty much means you HAVE to continue talking to me! You are a phenomenal dad and that's not just my opinion. I have conducted independent research that unequivocably supports that claim.

Daddy -- What can I say. You sort of sucked as a dad but you're a bang-up Grand-Pa and in a way I guess that pretty much makes up for you completely failing us! (jk! Except, not really...)

in other news... the Texans are here right now making me a "Father's Day" breakfast! I Know! Not only have they shown up en masse with pancake mix, strange fruity-looking things (the word "mango" was bandied about)and wire wisks but they've also come bearing gifts! I am now the proud owner of one tie, one bottle of cologne and one very nice set of cufflinks!(I don't care what I've said about that groupling in the past, those kids are QUALITY people -- Quality, I say!)

Funny things to note about their visit so far:

1) That there is a queer-as-hell Latin/Asian boy mincing around my kitchen wearing a frilly apron and complaining about my lack of "real" country music...

2) That DB is getting ALL KINDS of jealous because OG is outside having an amicable little chat with the (admitedly) smoking hot BF of my front upstairs neighbor...

3) The fact that the discovery of Trisha Yearwood in the CD collection elicited not only a shrill scream type reaction but also an impromptu mini-line dance in my extremely cluttered livingroom....

Seriously. I love these guys...

Clarification vis a vis previous post

Nothing happened as a result of DB's gaining entry to the inner sanctum that is my washroom last night, BTW. Just so everyone interested in that point is clear. N-O-T-H-I-N-G. Nada. Zilch. Bum-kiss, Baby! (O.K. maybe a few extra hours of lost sleep but that's pretty much it...) :-]

New favorite

Lyrics from my new favorite song.....

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I ain't no vision, I'm the girl
Who loves you inside and out
Backwards and forwards with my heart hangin' out
I love no other way
What are we gonna do if we lose that fire
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

In other news, one third of the distraction hereafter referred to as "The Texans" arrived tonight by air and showed up at the house despite clear instructions to the contrary delivered via phone, e-mail and carrier pigeon. the following conversation ensued...

DB: Are you going to let me in?
Me: No.
DB: Why not.
Me: Because the girls are here and because I told you not to come and because you suck.
DB: {sulky silence} But I have to pee.
Me: Should have thought of that before you left the airport.
DB: C'mon. It's two hours to "N"'s house [Pink-haired G-friend's Dad whom they're supposedly imposing upon for accomodations during this little trip]
Me: Better get moving then.
DB: ....
DB: OG says you have a girlfriend.
Me: She's not my girlfriend. I like her though. I wish she was.
DB: Where is she?
Me: On a date with someone.
DB: Huh.
Me: Out with a friend. Seriously, why are you still standing here?
DB: Does she like you?
Me: Yeah.
DB: Is she hot?
Me: Very.
DB: Hm.
Me: K. Bye.
DB: Just let me in to pee then I'll leave. Promise.
Me: Your promises and a buck ninety-seven could buy me a cup of coffee...! {chuckle at the fact that 1) a cup of cofee is so freaking expensive these days and that 2)I know the EXACT price. Meet blank/confused/concerned glance of individual standing/shifting from foot-to-foot on porch} Oh, alright. C'mon then......

And NO I have not finished my stupid paper yet.... I'm close though and I just sent a note begging for a few more days so we'll see.

Dying!

I am at home today with not one but TWO of the world's cutest kids AND their puppy. I swear, the "adorable" quotient alone is killing me!

I heart IHOEL...

I just really really do. He has, on numerous occassions, proved so completely necessary to my on-going existence/sanity/happiness including but not limited to totally stepping up today with some emergency kid-watchage as i was needing to be in the City wow-ing the nice folks at StubbyHubby into (hopefully) giving me a job... Seriously, the man is beyond "quality" -- He's downright dream-boat(ey)!!! :-]

Tiger, who...?

Boo's (slightly) younger cousin, J. was in his first golf tournament yesterday! Yay! I haven't yet been apprised as to how he did but I do know that he was good enough going in to be placed with the age group that was one level higher than his!!! :-]

{Deep breath}And...begin

o.K. First let me say, you people should really be keeping a closer eye on me. Seriously, when left to my own devices I get into Waaaaayyyyy to much trouble.

Now then:

1) Boo got a puppy. That's right an actual tiny Beagle-mix person. He is light brown and his name is "Biscut" [that's not a misspelling BTW. I told Boo all about the extra "i" and she looked at me like I was insane...] Long story of how the puppy came to pass which I will bore each and every one of you with eventually but for now, suffice to say, went to visit the Spark's G-ma in Morgan Hill and came back with a puppy. (We're actually sort of lucky we didn't come back with a HORSE!) It's cute. I would strongly suggest everyone come visit as soon as possible and to bring the babies....

2) Met possibly THE nicest tire changing people on the planet whilst in MH.

So, we were driving back from visiting the horses and G-Ma noticed my tire was "a little low" -- well, by the time morning came around "low" had become "flat" so I decided (do not try this at home, BTW!) to see if I could get it to some tire fixing garage type of establishment so I headed out et viola! Full-on blow-out right around Mid-Nowheresville. I limped along for another block or so (I know, I know, pretty much ensuring I'll be paying for some axle re-alignment/replacement) and I saw this small group of people hanging out in front of one of those super tricked out car rim places essentially laughing at me but waving me over nonetheless.

I pulled in and before I could say "Hello, I'm an idiot" this kid was removing the busted tire and one of the more chatty gentlemen was ushering me inside the "office". We stood around a bit, shooting the proverbial sh** when one of the other gents walks in cleaning off his hands. He tells me they don't have any new tires that would fit the truck in stock but that they can order them. I told him that actually I wasn't "from around these parts" and that thanks anyway but I'd try somewhere else to which he nodded and replied "O.K. well, we put a used one on there so that'll get you aways...." And ... that was it. I stood there for a nice long minute waiting for -- oh I don't know... a CHARGE but nadda. So I said goodbye to my new friends and sort of slowly walked to the truck. Got in. Put her in reverse.... Honestly. The entire time I'm waiting for someone to say anything resembling a "So that'll be..." but nope. Just a bunch of really nice people helping out someone for the heck of it. Weird.

3) Came home Sat. afternoon just in time to have a movie date with my favorite GalPal. Not much to say about that since even I am getting a little annoyed by the sheer amounts of distraction/likingness/giggle-inducing happy feeling that chick inspires in me so.... moving on....

4) Saw the big kid do a dance with her class. A-Dor-Rable! Sad too because all the kids are just so freaking grown up!{sniff}

and lastly

4) Had an interview today with a very cool company which I originally didn't think sounded very interesting (I KNOW! Who's going around acting like she doesn't desperately need a job!) but which upon explanation actually seems like it'd be "a great fit for my skillset" so.... we'll see. I have another interview with some other folks on Wed. which is also with what seems to be a very nice/fun company so feeling o.k. in term of prospects right this second... (Yay)

Now.... if I can only get my Qual. Question paper written by Thursday (meaning basically done TOMORROW) then my world as I know it will be not unlike Mary Poppins....!

Jasmine tea!

Honestly, there is nothing better for one's mood than a steaming cup of quality Jasmine tea.

not that my mood's all that bad. It's actually pretty good considering that I've come to accept that I SUCK at pre-meditated, organized writing and will seize on pretty much ANY excuse to avoid typing my QEQ answers including but not limited to:

1) checking in on my best friend from high school who, when last we spoke, was in the midst of adopting some brown baby boys! (left a message on his machine)

2) composing a witty/pithy/not-at-all-annoyed-sounding e-mail to some random ex then deleting it because, really, who needs to go around stirring up sh** ... then re-writing/sending it because I'm a grown-up dammit and I should be past this weirdness!

3) Harrassing the girl I like over e-mail while she's at work mostly because she lets me but also because I JUST CAN'T HELP MYSELF!

4) organizing my closet

5) organizing my sewing basket(s)

and finally

6) making a nice, hot, steaming cup of Jasmine tea!

sad.

week-end was great otherwise, BTW. Lots of hanging about with the children -- although I lost the Big Girl to her "Grown" friend ER for a few hours Sat. morning it gave me and the little one a nice chance to catch up witheach other before meeting up with her sister and ER for some quality kid-movie-watchage late in the afternoon!

Probably about time...

O.K. so it's been awhile since I went off on a major rant re: CP, so here goes....

First off -- when you tell your kid that she can have a puppy when she's 12/when you move into your "new house" then proceed to talk about puppies ALL THE TIME, then go on-line and find pictures of puppies, then pick out a specific breed and do all sorts of research on that breed -- Do NOT announce suddenly over dinner [a dinner which you orchestrated at your kid's "other house" then didn't want to actually have at a restaurant because, oh! did you mention, you're FASTING and dinner out would prove too "distracting"...??] that what you "really said" was that "when she's 12 you'd RE-VISIT the puppy conversation..." do NOT then try to somehow pin this on your new fiancee by going on to say "besides, now that S and I are getting married everything is sort of up in the air and I have to talk to her about how she feels about getting a puppy...." and finally do NOT have this conversation when aforementioned child is ONLY 9 as there are still several years ahead of the both of you which will, I'm sure, provide MULTIPLE opportunities for you to adequately break her heart!!!!!!

God! I've asked it before and I'll no doubt ask it again but seriously what is freaking wrong with that woman???!

The thing that kills me here is that it wasn't actually that she has an issue with Boo having a dog. It was the particular dog. My landlady said Boo could have her dog -- a tiny yapping thing which the Boo has become enamoured of -- and which Boo quite excitedly told CP about, mentioning that this was cool because she could have it here now and when she was 12 she could move him to the new house. I actually tried to salvage the situation with "No worries, even if the dog in SF doesn't work out, you can still have the dog here." Too which CP actually had the nerve to reply [rather brightly]"Yeah! I mean, i still want to think about it but in a worse case scenario you'll have a dog here AND a puppy in the new house...!"

Sometimes I wish she were just flat-out evil so I could justify raising the Boo all by myself but she's not, she's just.... unbelivably self-centered. I mean, after the Boo stopped looking bothered and after I asked CP into the kitchen to "check in" around the whole Oakland dog sitch, we had a normal conversation and she was actually quite nice/encouraging about the OTHER great happening currently going on in my life... {sigh} Anyway.....

There is no second off. It just kills me to watch Boo get hurt.(Although, I do have to say, she actually "let it go" a lot sooner than I did. I was still mad about it this morning but when I brought it up on the way to her school she just shrugged and started talking about her "Oakland dog" and how much fun it was going to be to train him!)

Naked!

Alright, I know this is a "family-blog" and all of that, I just have to say I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself a minute ago vis a vis noone calling to offer me a high-paying, flex-hours, insane benefits type of position with thier uber-cool, socially conscious, education oriented policy analyst firm and I looked down and I realized I have no clothes on. Yup. Took a nice, refreshing shower, turned on the heater and just sat right on down to check my messages on the ole laptop.In addition to that, I have a half-eaten chocolate chip cookie sitting next to me, I'm alternating job-hunting on oportunity knocks with watching this week's Ellen monologues and I may even be getting up in a moment to make myself a cup of the frightenly chi-chi Jasmine tea my good buddy IHOEL gave me for my birthday a million years ago....

K. not sure where I'm going with all of that but I do have to say there is a tiny part of me that feels like maybe "sorry" is not entirely the correct emotion for this particular situation....

Blah...

Today was weird. I'm tired/not feeling particularly well. I'm sick of writing (or NOT writing as the case may be) and I'm sick of filling in those stupid blanks on job application sites.

On the plus side though, I got to see the Girl last night which was NICE and I get to see her again for lunch tomorrow (Yay!) Although, due to concerns vis a vis privacy, co-worker sightings and the paparrazi i'm not going to be able to touch her or anything. She HAS agreed to sit in the same restaurant, though and to lower her menu at 15 minute intervals so I can see her pretty face every now and again.... Should be fun! :-]

Sigh...

I'm trying to work on my QEQ and it's just depressing me.... k. so, diversionary story time.

I met up with my Ex Web Production Assistant for lunch and to get an interview suit (long story) where, in addition to just having the best time chatting about her primo new business venture, I was also regaled with stories of "Ah-t Hap-nings" that involved intermittent nudity, guerilla videotaping and burning/shaving off of eyebrows! I swear. Kids today are sooooooo much more hardcore than we (I) ever were....

BTW, I came to this conclusion not just because my lovely little friend remains eyebrowless and delighted with it but also because as she was telling me these stories I realized that all of this aristic dalliance was in addition to her continuing to work full-time at the HellHole, sitting on the Board of a non-pofit dance company and developing her newest business which involves selling sets of on-line set-up services to dancers who may be brillant but who are ofttimes essentially computer illiterate. Seriously. I got tired just listening to her. THEN there was the part where she also heard of a potential job for me {jotting down the url which she'd memorized}.... Man. I don't remember all that much of my youth but I seem to recall I spent more time sleeping than actually trying to effect good in the world. ;-]

God,I'm easy...

Like Sunday mornin', Baby! Ah. So. How's everything? Great! Good to hear. Me? Oh, I'm doing well. No, nothin new really. Just GETTING KISSES FROM A REALLY CUTE GIRL, is all! :-]

{sigh}

K. nuff of that (for now anyway) in other news, I'm finally laying out the gameplan for the big Qual. Exam question answering and I am becoming (slightly) less intimidated by the whole stupid exercise (that's right -- I said "stupid"! it remains completely beyond me why they're not just handing me an advanced degree at this point but whatever...) and, dare I say, even getting a little excited about it! I figure if I alternate job-looking in the mornings with QEQ answering in the afternoons then I should be able to finish this thing by mid-month, no problem. (That is assuming i can refrain from thinking about girls i like, going off to meet ex-co-workers for lunch, cleaning my house, stencilling loft walls, buying cat food and reading everything I can find by Johnathan Swift. hmmmmmmmm. I may have to re-think my plan...)

O.K. so I just had a beer and a look at 171 photos of the Miss Universe pageant and I have to say, I feel much better! Miss Australia and Miss Puerto Rico are HOT! (Miss USA fell down during the evening gown competition. Of course she did....)

Christ!

I am pathetic. I'm not going to go into details cause i know she reads this thing but basically I'm sitting here being stupid and Miss Tail is not around to talk me down from my insecure I-know-she-likes-me-but-does-she-LIKE-like-me ledge and I know I'm overthinking everything but I still can't help doing it....

Blah!

I swear, "vulnerable" is not my prettiest look.

Eek!

K. So... I'm picking up the big girl and we all decide to go to this park that's near the house she was staying at and we're walking up the path and I'm noticing there's some sort of kid-party going on and that there's this guy sitting there with his kid putting n some tiny shoes and it hits me that THIS IS MY EX-BOYFRIEND FROM 15 YEARS AGO; the one who won't talk to me because of how messed up our break-up was. The one who I ran into 8 years ago when the Boo was a baby. The one whose wedding announcement I had forwarded to me by a mutual friend. That Ex.... In the park with his kid. Christ. The wife was there too. (Although not as pretty as I seem to remember her being. :-]) I introduced the little girl, pointed out the big girl and we swapped contact info (all the while noticing how still very awkward we are around each other.) Weird.

Gosh

This week-end is going really well! Had a great time on Friday eve post-massive-date-screw-up by moi vis a vis trying to impress Tap-Tap and pretty much only succeeding in making her more sick. The fact that she has graciously chosen to (or at least pretended to) overlook said "flub" is to me further proof of her overall perfect-for-me-and-my-more-than-occassional-lapses-in-judgement-ness and thus leaves me feeling all goofy/delighted with her and with our "prospects". THEN, last night I was treated to the company of all the best people on the planet (save one. The Boo was off having a life somewhere else. What-evah!) who I love and who independently of ANY actual Child input went ahead and selected High School Musical for our dinner screening event. (I'm just putting that out there so the next time anyone in the aforementioned group pretends to any moral-"grown-up"-highground during one of thier lectures vis a vis me and my could-be-construed-as juvenile behavior/overall silliness I can easily reference it. Eh, Hem...!)

Today I'm going to go get my Big Girl back from her friend's house where she had ANOTHER sleep-over (I swear, you'd think she ENJOYS being away from me/hanging out with people her own age!) after wich I fully intend to love her up til she's sick of me and maybe go look at the big fish again (A HUGE favorite with the Little One yesterday I might add...)

Tomorrow, I think I have the Bee kids for a bit (Yay!) then Tuesday I get to maybe see my Cute Girl again. Honestly, does it get any better?????

Damn.

I am one happy girl. :-]

And... go!

I just got my qualifying questions for my dissertation proposal hearing. Three questions that I need to answer (10-15 pages each) in three weeks so we can have my hearing and so I can begin writing the actual dissertation.

Here's the first part of one of the questions:

"Question Two: What Counts as Truth?

Parallel to the question of fiction as research is the epistemological question of what counts as knowledge and truth. Lots of attention to this question has come up recently in discussions of how memoir straddles the blurry line between fiction and non-fiction. We understand that your book will be a work of fiction, but given how it so closely parallels your own lived experiences, you may find some useful ideas in this debate about what counts as truth. Developing your ideas in this area will help us to understand what you hope the readers of your dissertation will learn as well as what might be learned from the novel itself...."

Oy. Tell me again who suggested I do this...?

Nice things

1) the weather today is EXTRAORDINARILY beautiful.
2) I have my big girl extra this week onna counta CP is busy diving home from N'orleans.
3) I have a date with a cute girl on Friday eve which can actually last longer than 2.5 hours since my AMAZING buddies the Bees have stepped up to take my childrens for a little overnight action.
4) I just got back from another first interview that went swimmingly (natch!)
5) Mista L-L is back (Yay!) from the Fli-peens which is GREAT since now I have someone else to harrass about lunch plans. (we out-of-work types tend to get bored easily)

and finally,

6) Just heard back from one of my committee peeps about my draft proposal. He said it "looks solid." (Double yay!)

That's it really. I'm in a good mood so I thought I'd list some of the more pertinent reasons. Hope everyone else's day is going well too. :-]

Jeeze

Louise... I'm really trying not to feel like I dodged a bullet but seriously, the more I hear about the Ex the more thankful I am to be OUT, OUT, OUT!

Yay!

I'm going to this. This time, I bought the tickets myself though. {Mental note: next time you're thinking about kicking the "Lyle-tickets-gravy-train" to the curb, do it AFTER his Bay Area concert season finishes....} Ah, well. Live and learn. :-]

Yawn!

I'm tired. Why on earth would I be tired? Glad you asked! I'm tired because I was out later than I usually am last night having a very nice dinner with the very nice (and very cute) Tap-Tap and just generally enjoying myself! Yay. I like that gal. She's special! :-]

In other news: Just found out that my ex-IT Guy quit a coupla days ago! I'm still waiting for the details but I gather the ex-workplace just got a little too insane for him to deal any longer. Interesting.....

I, myself, am still looking. I've sent out a bunch more resumes and gotten a coupla of responses. I sent a truly magnificent "please hire me and I will fulfill your every desire" letter to a place I REALLY want to work (it's not just really cool company, it also happens to be performing in the area in which I'm hoping to become ensconsed after i finish my dissertation so, needless to say, getting in now would be pure bonus) but I haven't heard back. Generally though, I have to say, I'm in a fine mood. (I mean, it does seem like i may actually get a job some day and all the rest is good with my world....) {sigh} O.K. so it looks like I have an hour before I need to head out of here to get my babies. I think I'll try to catch a little shut-eye.....

This is my dream place to work

http://www.berkeleypolicyassociates.com/ {sigh} They're dreamy....

O.K., yes, it's possible...

That I've been out of work a little too long...

But still this has got to be the best concept show i have EVER seen!

Happy Mom's Day!

To all my beautiful friends and family who are or who are just standing really close to an actual mother, all the best on this fantabulous day! Now then, without further ado -- the poem *I* was blessed enough to have recited to me/written out on cool-scholastically lined paper from mine own offspring mere hours ago:

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I look in my mother's eyes and see two wide brown tumbleweeds.
I look in my mother's eyes and see a very small brown mouse.
I look in my mother's eyes and see snow in winter of New Mexico.
I look in my mother's eyes and see a lady who works things out.
I look in my mother's eyes and see a creative person.
I look in my mother's eyes and see my smile.

-Love, Boo
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Be jealous if you must but try not to hate. :-]

There are starving children somewhere

But they're sure as heck not going to be part of the group that's going on the Boo overnight school/camping trip tomorrow. I was put in charge of food (a sketchy proposition at best) and instructed to buy enough food for "40 people - 3 meals". I think i instead bought enough crap for "100 people - 3 orgy-level feasts"... Ah well. I have no doubt that I will be able to find homes for whatever is left over. Fifty-thousand tiny bags of vine-grown cherry tomatoes?? Anyone???

Love.

Can I just say.... i LOVE my friends. I woke up today unbelivably cranky and thanks to a series of extraordinary interactions with my nearest/dearest I am now fine. I am calm. i am happy. I feel cherished/cute. And while I find it a little scary what a couple of really good buddies can accomplish in a single day mood-wise, I'm not compainin' :-]

I am so unbelievably tired!

And I'm not even sure why... I did pick the big girl up early today and we caroused a bit before heading home on the train but still.... It seems as though I should be a little more well-rested given my not-even-close-to-finding-a-job state.

Anyhoo, week-end promises to be grand/stressful. It's Pretty Boy's birthday and he's having a little get-together which I'm sure will include his new galpal so... on the one hand I HAVE to go if only to size her up and on the other, given the state of the bridge and my two point five hours of alloted/scheduled kid-watch coverage, by the time I get there, gladhand my way around the room, grab a beer and find a good spot in which to observe... I'll have to be heading home. Ah well.... There are people with worse problems than my petty little jelousies so I'll not continue dwelling on it. Then Sundee we're (Me, the CP, Boo and Spark) going to attend a "kids in the park" extravaganza hosted by the Boo's afterschool program which I'm sure will be swell just.... Well, I could just probably think of about a hundred more amusing ways to spend a morning. Blah. I think my tiredness is making me grumpy. I'm gonna stop writing this nonsense and see if I can find more productive ways to spend the remaining hours before I can legally tuck the children in. :-]

Yes!!

Had my check-in with my diss commitee chair today (I finally sent my draft proposal to the committee on Friday) she thinks it's in good enough shape that we might be able to do the Qualifying exam stuff this summer so we can have my proposal defense at the beginning of the Fall Semester which would give me all year to write which could mean (hold your breath folks) that I'd be graduating in May 2008! {breathe.....} o.K. I'm fine just needed a moment to let it all sink in.....

Whoo Hoo!

Now then. In other kinds of cool news, I just found out that one of the moms I invited to the Spark's birthday is a prof over at Ber-zerkly where she specializes in Cultural Antropology and Enthnography! I know! What a teensy weensy little world it is (and thank god i didn't stash all my school books or else she never would have known I was anything more than just an insanely cool parent with a great sense of style and a hell of a lot of good looking friends! ;-]

Happy Birthday SPARK!!!!

I love you more than it's possible to express using only the 26 letters I know. thanks for being a part of our family and thanks for being born! Yay!

Whew. Just finished cleaning up after Spark's B-day shin-dig (not that there was all that much to do since the Angel-family/the Bees did so much post-gathering tidying -- I swear, i know you all know this but if we lived in Utah I would do everything in my power to somehow become wed to the whole beautiful bunch of you! Exept the babies. them I'd co-adopt!) Thanks to everyone who came. I was feeling all claustrophobic and cut off from the world-ish (just a little bit) so it was nice to be reminded that I can still persuade all the fabulous people in the world to come over and help us eat through the world's largest sheetcake! (At least the Spark can which is good enough for me...!)

Breathe...

K. So turned in ROUGH first draft of my diss proposal. I'm meeting with Professor Cute to discuss it on Monday. Had THE INTERVIEW on Friday. It went well, I think. it's just so hard to tell these days. I mean the PBK peeps LOVED me and...gave the job to someone else. (Of course they did say they'd already promised it and this particular rejection may just turn out to be a blessing because, honestly, I would MUCH rather work at this place but.... we'll see what they say. {please, please, please, please.....}

In other news, House is mostly clean (still cluttered as hell but significantly less so) in preparation for the world's coolest about-to-be-four-year-old's birthday party tomorrow; stuff is bought; cupcakes/goodie-bags are being assembled as. we. speak. and all is right with the world. Did I already mention the theme: "balls, bubbles and balloons!" I know! I'd take credit for it if I could get away with it but honestly, I'm just not that creative. Yay! This party is going to be so much fun I may just explode!

I just got an e-mail from my committee chair asking how my proposal is coming along since we're "getting near the end of the semester." crap.

This week was nice.

Relaxing. I got stood up by just about everybody (and in turn did some standing up of my own -- sorry BBQ! I suck.) but no worries. The life as it currently flows is mellow....

Spent some time planning the soon-to-be-4-year-olds' birthday party. The "theme" is "Lighter Than Air" and was thought up by the Big Girl, thank you very much! It's all about balls and bubbles and hot air balloons. Very fun to plan around actually. Heard from Pretty Boy which was weird and unexpected (especially since me and BBQ were JUST discussing him the day before) but sweet -- he's doing well. Got himself a steady. She sounds promising/nice. Miss Tail also has a little sumptin'-sumptin' going on which she's being all cute and shy about but which I really hopes works out since he sounds really nice and she could really deserves someone really nice in her life. I met the CP for lunch today which went surprising well in that we acted like we were/are friends and just kind of discussed stuff. nice. Also unexpected but again, fits the current mood so s'all good... O.K. I'm feeling like i want to go curl up with a book and a glass of wine right about now so I will leave all you fine beauties to your evening and go see what I have laying about the kitchen that hasn't reverted back to Draino.....

So close...

And yet... So they gave the PBK (That's what all the cool kids call it!) website management gig to someone else. Funny though because they still asked me to come back in today to meet some guy about a different job which, it turns out, I'M COMPLTELY UNQUALIFIED TO DO -- IT management for the individual stores or something like that. I mean sure I went but only after I explained to the sweet HR lady that the job as she'd described it was COMPLETELY outside my skillset. She was just so gosh darn sweet though and she (and J., the lady who I originally interviewed with) really wanted me to come in anyway... Plus I did have the "second interview outfit" lined up... So, I went. Very awkward. Pretty much a study in me apologizing repeatedly for being in no way "a fit for the position" and him agreeing in the nicest possible way but still asking interview-like questions: "So, where do you see yourself in five years?" "What is it you're looking to do?" Weird. At least we both thought it was funny/cute strange instead of weird/annoying strange...

In other news, had a v. brief phone interview with a very cool lady at "the other prospect" which went well enough that I get to come in next Friday to chat "with everybody" so... we'll see. I'm still kind of freaking out about getting my dissertation proposal written so while, admittedly, I'd be really super-pysched to get this position I'm also having a hard time fixating on it like I usually do when I job-hunt. I did do a ton of research though and am firmly convinced that this company has got to be doing one of the coolest things EVER communication-wise.

Week-end BTW was fab. Super-packed with stuff to do/kids to share but really just nicely great. Sunday was especially special cause I got to hang out in the boondocks with the cute girl I like discussing pastry and watching used-to-be-people eat/slice/dream each other up which, really, if it isn't already the definition of fun it should be! Although I did have to bribe a few children/cats into sleeping with me that night and I may or may not have needed to have the light on but really... I'm much better now, thanks for asking!

Two things...

1) I clean up well! Seriously, the suit, the shoes, the leather portfolio with ONE single sheet of paper in it...! Hell, I'd hire me for just about anything (except maybe head teacher in a daycare -- I'd hire me for anything that doesn't involve affecting the future outcomes of impressionable little people!)

2) interview went (IMHO) well. Cute that by the end of it me and my new best friend the VP were commiserating over the fact that (sadly) they'd just made an offer to someone else but since she likes me better/feels I'd be a much better "fit" she's going to bring me back on Monday anyway to talk to *her* boss. {smile} I swear. Straight girls are sooooo easy.

One down...

K. so aced the "phone interview" part of today's job search proceedings. Natch. So tomorrow morning I get to meet the VP of Pottery Barn kids eCommerce division. Cross your fingers folks, I've got the clothes, I just don't know if i'm "thin"/blonde enough for them...! [kidding!] :-]

O.K. now THIS is funny...

So, I have this friend see, and he lives in Texas and, thing is, apparently Texas is not enough of a STATE to keep him occupied mentally, I mean... plus he's already hooked up with the cowboy-boot wearin' love of his life so no drama there, so thing is, he decides, pretty much out of the blue that he's gonna turn ME into some sort of PROJECT or something so he postes an AD on craigslist with a picture of me (which I've since made him take the hell down so no link. sorry.) saying that I'm seeking a boyfriend or a girlfriend but that I'm MARRIED so this has to be a super-discreet/part-time/no strings thing -- then he collects all these e-mails from folks/losers and sifts through them and ultimately ends up forwarding me three really very cool sounding introductions/propositions (one girl, two boys) and... well. I'm kind of at a loss. I mean, I'm pissed off at him right? How the hell dare he and what was he thinking and all of that but on the other hand.... Am I insane to even be considering going through with this charade and maybe contacting these nice folks who really do seem to be looking for the same thing I am??????

See the thing about NYG is I get that he's in no way anything near anybody who might ever actually "work" in my life but, Jesus-Gawd! Why is it that I cannot be within three feet of him without needing to touch him/have him touch me/proposition him/[please, please, please!] have him proposition me?? It helps not even a little bit that the only time I see him these days is when we're both with our kids. Anyway... (Sorry, he just called to see if his kid had left her sweater over here and our conversation -- printed in it's entirety below -- has left me crazed with lust/pathetic)

Him: Hey.
Me: {dying}Hey!
Him:Hey. The Rock Star can't find her sweater. Did we leave it over there?
Me:Um... {snapping into "mom" mode -- looking around} I don't see it but I'll call you if it turns up o.k.?
Him: {possibly unintentional but I SWEAR his voice gets a few notches more growly-honey-caked}K. So... I'll call you about Wednesday o.k.? [referring to the fact that i couldn't keep my hands off his chest when i saw him this week-end and when he laughingly asked if he could have similar access, I suggested he come over some Wednesday night so we could discuss it...]
Me:{gulp} Uh... heh. o.k. that would be cool.
Him: {laughing} Yeah, we could hang out. Maybe go get some food.
Me: {picturing us indulging in most of the major sins} uh...o.k. uh, whatever. Food sounds good. [Seriously!]
Him: {laughing again} k. bye.
Me: bye. {smacking head repeatedly against receiver} Stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid.

Really. there is something seriously wrong with me.

Ah....

Man, for someone who is supposed to be out-of-work, I sure as hell did alot of running around today. First, I dropped off the kids at their respective schools, then I went to the first of two doctor's appointments, stopped by a "nice" clothing store to see if I could find an interview outfit that isn't completely embarrassing (I mean in a "not good embarrassing" kind of way...), had a coffee at some blindingly cool coffee shop ("Sacred Grounds" or something like that) where everyone was facing the same direction and taping away on their little MacBooks (and where I was completely floored by the fact that there was a jacket-shirt-thing draped over the chair next to me that smelled EXACTLY like my EX!!! I know! I stretched out that single cup of coffee for more than an hour waiting for it to be claimed but noone came. Damn. I kinda wanted to steal it and bring it home to snuggle with but I realized that that sort of behavior may be simply considered "wrong" if you're gainfully employed but if you're basically out on the streets it segues into "weirdly creepy/a misdemeanor" so I left it be.) on to the the SECOND of my doctor's appointments then lunch, then home to fold/put away the laundry, then off to pick up the kid, then supper making and now typing. God. I'm exhausted! Tell me, does this whole unemployed thing get easier...?

Alright already!

I have finally accepted the fact that my cats will drink out of the toilet and that's just the way it has to be! (This on the heels of busting yet another glass kitty-water dish because it's on the floor in the kitchen and stuff in my kitchen tends to fall, ineveitably shattering the glass -- because the kittys prefer glass. Don't think I haven't tried plastic! -- allowing the water to cascade freely across the linoleum as I try to go about getting dinner ready.) {sigh} C'est la vie. They like the toilet water better anyway....

Plus I got a "make-out" date out of it all which is just PURE BONUS!

Best day EVER!

Gosh. I just got back from spending the best day EVER with my wonderful children, my wonderful friends and THIER wonderful children all running around doing easter egg hunt type of activities at the best playpark/area imaginable! Ah..... Now this is what the life should be like. :-]

Done!

Yes!! {sigh} Let the living officially commence.

this from Kitty Power

"Despite my evil boss and being overworked and grossly underpaid, I liked my job and most of the people there. It makes me sad to have that suddenly taken away from me, but I'm not really worried about landing on my feet. It's weird being home during the day. I've working more or less straight for the past 10 years, so I almost don't know what do with myself without a job, even if part of me just wants to fucking relax and write like I never have time fo rand collect unemployment for a minute. Instead, I've been applying and doing interviews and thinking about where to apply. I don't think I know how to relax sometimes."

Christ. Is it possible I love her so much because she's actually my separated-at-birth-twin????

Happy B-Day (a tiny bit late) Travelin' Man!

You are a joy to behold and I LOVE being soooooo part of the "inner circle" that I get to attend your uber-swanki-pants pizza parties if only because if gives me YET another reason to feast on the adorableness that is you! (and your girl! And your new crank-to-recharge-FLASHLIGHT -- what was the make of that, btw...???)

Crossing over

I am officially a lush. Well, not really since this is the first time I think in my LIFE that I've had a craving for a nice glass of zinfandel INSTEAD of supper but considering that my supper was going to consist of that old favorite N&G.... well, let's just say I hope Zin&nothing doesn't become my new "stand-by!" ;-]

{sigh} Today was hard. transitioning sucks. It especially sucks when the two (that's right folks -- it apparently takes TWO people to do my job!) would-be surrogate 'rents to my lovely Web Dev team are both going all deer-in-the-headlights-tell-me-what-to-do! on me when... well, frankly, wasn't that the reason I was being asked to exit stage left? Because my philosophy/ideas/management style SUCKED?????! Well. On one level it is nice to have it made clear that not everyone (aka NOONE except psycho-boss-lady) thought I was completely incompetent. On the other though, there's only so much vindication a gal needs before it all just sort of becomes gratuitous.

Ah well. C'est la vie.

In other (sort of related news) I love Mistah L-L (in a "purely-platonic-albeit-maybe-not-if-he-was-a girl-but-still-honestly-even-then-I'd-probably-rather-smooch-his-super-hot-wife" kind of way). He is waaaay looking out for me/got my back right now and I think that is just so awesome I may cry! thanks, Man...!{sniff} For this, I may actually allow you to see the GodChild (but only for a minute -- there are other people in line you know!)

Lastly, I just have to say this week-end was GREAT!

Hang with good friend/good friend's kids -- check!

Host sleep-over for super cool big girl friend of my big girl -- check!

Meet grown-up, super cute girl for brunch/dee-licious Blood Orange Mimosa action -- check!

Wind it all up with restful afternoon walk-about with children to nowhere in particular winding up in a nice sunny patch of grass watching 3.5 year old "play" a scrap of tree bark like nobodies biddness (seriously, I dont' know where that kid comes by her drumming talent but my GOD -- where is Prince when you actually need him to discover somebody??

None of which drove me to drink, I might add. One day back in that hellhole and I'm craving the scotch. Oy vey...

comments!

Whoa! and now they're back! Again, I say - weird. Anyway. One week of hell down. Only one more (modified) week to go before I am FREE! {insert manaical laughter here}...

Eeeek!

"Comments" are gone!! Or, I should say "comments are erased!" Wierd. Ah well... probably for the best. :-]

Monday

I had a psuedo root canal in preparation for a crown on one of my molars monday. I also gave 2 weeks notice at my work. Guess which one I enjoyed more? ;-]

No, no... I'm good...

God I'm tired though. For those of you who care, Spring came (and thankfully is leaving) early this year. I just have to say, i'm ALL about "communication." i think it's a great thing -- highly underused, etc., etc. but sheesh... at what point does a "discussion" turn into a "re-hashing/beating of a whole pack of dead horses" and why (dear God) am i seemingly so irresistable to crazy folks???? Just kidding. For the record, I do not think May is crazy. I think May is nice. I think she is smart, and cute and that she has REAL potential say in Day Trading or any other occupation requiring extreme focus on the "trees" instead of the "forest".... Still. I'm tired. I wish she'd go home. i wish DB was the sort of boyfriend who would step the hell up and stop his girlfriend from harrassing me (again KIDDING! Only, not really....) Blah. Whatever. I'm sooooo ready for the week-end....

UNCLE!

O.K. I just have to say. My ENTIRE life does not suck. In fact HUGE swaths of it are A-O-K! For instance, there is a 3.5 year old sitting at a very tall table waiting patiently for her din-din in my livingroom and I just heard her murmur (very sotto voice, as if genuinely concerned -- presumably to her teddy perched beside her on the couch) "Hmmm. I wonder where my supper is?" I KNOW! Cute! Then I brought her her supper and she threw her hands in the air and yelled "Whoo Hoo!" No. There are key parts of my life that do not suck. i, however have a headache so forgive me if I dwell on the crappy bits for just a second.

Work sucks. It just does. I don't believe a single word that comes out of my boss's mouth plus every time I see her disappear to lunch with someone, an inadvertant tic develops just above my right eye due to the sheer random-ness of the decisons that inevitably arise from those "off-site" conversations. Plus my sweety-sweet Web Designer is leaving to pursue "other options" (presumably those that PAY) and I'll miss her. I've gone ahead and explained to her that in order to continue surviving the life she's left us to, i'm going to need to slug her in the arm every time she walks by but she still looked a bit taken aback the first few times my fist actually made contact. Ah well. Live and learn.

The private life isn't doing much better. It WAS doing better. It WAS doing GREAT! I had a very fun pseudo-date-like outing -- I'd throw some more euphemisms in there but I can't think of any others right this second -- with a super-sweet, cute, smart girl who I might actually get to hang out with again relatively soon (which is nice if a little odd considering that she actually knows me quite well and has still agreed to commit an entire other evening to my ramblings!) and was JUST starting to think my social life might actually be evolving into something that resembles something "real" people do but then... circa 3am... this conversation brought to us by the fun folks in that great state of Texas!

Her: Hey.
Me: Mmph? Who is this?
Her: It's [name changed to protect the deranged] May.
Me: Um. O.k. Why are you calling me at 3am?
Her: It's 5 here.
Me: Excuse me??!
Her: It's 5 here.
Me: {silence. fuming. hate. Let's remember, folks. It's not like I get alot of sleep...!}
Me: {with great self-control} Why are you calling me at 5am YOUR time?
Her: I was thinking about what you said.
Me: When?
Her: About me. About us.
Me: Which part?
Her: When you said it didn't make sense.
Me: It doesn't.
Her: Why not?
Me: You're 10. I could be your grandmother. You live in the middle of the country. I cheated on you with your boyfriend. Your DAD has the hots for me! I don't have the time or the energy or the therapist required to do this and i especially don't have them right now -- at 3 O'CLOCK IN THE GODDAMN MORNING!
Her: Your time.
Me: Aaarrrrrrggggg! {hang up phone. sit staring at it waiting for...}
{ring}
Her: Anyway, I'm gonna be out there on Tuesday. We should hook up.
Me: ...??!
Her: You know, figure stuff out.
Me: No!
Her: How come?
Me: I don't want to "figure stuff out". i don't want to see you. I'm sorry this is so hard for you but seriously, I'm done. [Note: for those of you who think I'm being harsh, please note if i really thought any of this had a chance in hell of being heard/understood/applied to anyone's self-assessment I would have phrased things a bit differently. Honest.]
Her: O.K. well my plane gets in at 9 [that's pm, folks] I'll come by after....{click}
Me: {sigh}

Then there's girl number two on the previous list of potential hang-outs

Her: Hey.
Me: hi!
Her: So, I was thinking about what you said [why, dear God, do my conversations with girls always start this way????]
Me: Yeah?
Her: I don't know if us hanging out is such a good idea.
Me: Oh. [a bit taken aback because 1) I was kind of just being nice when I suggested hang-age, 2) she's STRAIGHT and 3) Did I mention she's STRAIGHT??] uh... o.k.
Her: I mean, nothing personal, I'm just thinking I'm really busy right now and I don't want to get into this whole big thing, if....
Me: {?????} Uh....
Her: I mean, it'd be nice to get together I just don't know when we could given my schedule and yours...
Me: Uh, I'm pretty open...
Her: Oh. Well. Maybe we could. I dunno.
Me: Uh. O.K.
Her: Well. What about during the week. Maybe tomorrow [Tuesday]
Me: Uh.... I think I might be busy tomorrow night, but....
Her: ...
Her: O.K. Whatever. I'll call you {click}

Seriously.

Because I'm lame...

I was originally doing a google search on an ex-boyfriend of mine but then switched to searching for myself and viola -- An article about me I don't even remember doing!

that's it...!

O.K. so they take 32% of my paycheck -- I can live with that. They cut/eliminate funding for my remaining year(s) in grad school -- not happy-making but I'm a big girl, I'll deal... but THIS???! Moving Daylight Savings time AHEAD THREE WEEKS???? What the hell were they thinking? "It's already gotta be the most reviled day EVER; Let's just push it up a bit! That's make folks stop focusing on the war..."

Idiots.

Luckily, my annual DST-inspired-6-month-long-bad-mood is being mitigated by the fact that I have made plans to hang out with not one but two extremely attractive lady-people and while neither of them is likely to "invite me into intimacies" anytime soon (read: not in this lifetime, although you never know. I do have a new "Get Lucky" shirt! ;-]) it still feels super neat to know that I can go out with a grown-up person who can carry a conversation, is nice to look at and who understands my desire to get back to the kids before they figure out just how much better than me the babysitter actually is...!

Just a little tender

I just got back from the dentist where I had the left side of my mouth "root-planed and deep-cleaned." Needless to say, the teeth on that side are feeling a little... overstimulated right now!

I like the way my kid thinks...

Conversation in the car this morning:
{snip}
Boo: [staring moodily out the window] I don't like it when a movie ends and the bad guy gets a reward.
Me: You mean, the bad guy gets away? they're not punished?
Boo: Yeah.
Me: [thinking a minute] Hm. I can't remember the last time a I saw a movie like that. Where the bad guy wins.
Boo: Well, they become nice. Then something good happens to them.
Me: Oh! So you want them to stay bad?
Boo: [slight smile] Yeah.
Me: You want them to stay bad and then get punished?
Boo: [big smile] Yeah. They should stay bad and get punished. otherwise it's not fair.
Me: [nodding] Yeah. That makes sense.
{/snip}

Seriously, who's raising this person???

I got an e-mail in my school account that basically said "Study Abroad this summer!" and provided all this contact info. i am remarking of this because I did not instantly delete it. It's still sitting there in my in-box. AS IF I might choose to "go abroad this summer!" and might need it for reference. As IF "going abroad" were ANY sort of option AT ALL in my current life...! God, I'm wierd.

Weasles...?

O.K., I love my dad. Don't get me wrong. Sure he skipped out on us when I was three but he eventually showed back up (12 years later) and he did give me some pretty choice chromosomes (what, You think this fabulous facade was painted on???) plus he's got a nice boat so... I am ready to admit under oath that he IS my babies only grand-Daddy. So, then, having established lineage, what does this pillar of thoughtful energy DO all day whilst hanging out in the fabulous retirement community of Surprise, Arizona, on the golf course, sipping a martini with a recent lottery winner and a couple of retired doctors? He decides he'd like to surprise his Oak-town g-babies with a little sumptin'-sumptin'. He takes himself off to the nearest town (probably Phoenix but I can't swear to that), finds just the right presents for a just-turned-nine year old and her three-point-five year old sister and pop them in the mail so that a mere two days later his youngest G-child can open a manilla envelope containing.... a mink. That's right folks, a mink. A small, dried, flattened animal with the head, legs and tail still attached. I don't have the Boo right now so I can't say for sure that she got the same thing but, let's just say, i have a hunch. The question now remains -- Why??????

sigh

So, here's the thing. I've actually lost my desire to write. Weird right. Especially since that's what I'm supposed to be doing all day at work and what I used to do for fun and what I need to do for my proposal review committee but... I jsut can't make myself sit down and jot anything down. I start but then I get all distracted looking at extremely expensive Korean dolls that I MUST own (hint to all my really very loved and highly considered Korean friends who might know people in the homeland who would be willing to get/send me the some of the girls in this line of dolls cause they're mostly not available in the States...!)

anyway. I need to start writing again. i intend to start writing again. I'm going to force myself to log onto this blog (as well as the other one that I'm writing my disertation on) and to jsut freaking WRITE for 20 minutes a day until I break through whatever this stupid writing-block thing is.

K. So. there you have it. I was going to do the nutshell update of the life but... things are fine and I'll be writing more tomorrow, right..??? :-]

Who needs me NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT??

My super-artist kid, that's who. i mean, sure, i get that i'm really not all that much use to her in her private life (now that she's old enough to reach the stuff in the higher-up cabinets) but SHEESH I at least thought I fill in as her agent or something. Nope. Mine child has taken it upon herself to have her work entered/selected for a juried show at Zeumwhich I will be going to see practically DAILY and which I invite all of you to go partake in as well. Show runs through April 8th so there's tons of time to make it the piece de resistance of it into you're daily lunch routine!

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me. Happy birthday dear... me-ee. happy birthday to me. And many more! Wow. Who knew being 39 was so much work?

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

One week ago today, my little girl had a massive asthma attack so we went to the hospital. That was at 4:00am. My baby brother's baby passed away at 7:00pm that same day.

Spark was released on Thursday so we all (me, Spark and Scoot) flew out to NM for the funeral. Everyone was amazing. My brother and his partner are being so strong and centered about the whole thing. Realistic and accepting but still expressing their sadness. They're super supported by their family and friends out there and they are really leaning on each other so I think they're going to pull through just fine. I love them so much and I'm really glad I got to go out there to see them for a little bit, just to make sure they're o.k. Anyways...

Miss Alyssa Kianna, thank you for joining our family. You are a miracle and you accomplished more in your eleven weeks here than some people do in eighty years worth of living. You touched more hearts than you'll ever know and you showed your parents how much strength and love they are capable of summoning which is a huge amount and a tremendous gift. We'll miss your fighting spirit, your wrinkley "displeased" face and your beautiful grey eyes. Maybe someday you can come back in another body that's not quite so broken and we can enjoy you for a little bit longer but regardless of when and if that happens, we're grateful you were here even if it was for so short a time.

My brother's baby almost died last night. Poor little bub. I wish there was something I could do for them... this sucks.

Happy New Year!

Hope the coming year is rewarding, interesting and extremely low in stress for everyone! Thank all of you angel-peeps for being a significant part of what makes my life so grand! Hopefully 2007 will NOT prove to be the year in which, I will drive all of you away with my craziness...!

Ahhhhhhhh.....

Quick check in. Just to say... you know... hello. Um. hi. How's it going? Really? good. Great to hear. I'm doing fine as well. What? Oh, not all that much really. Holidays were rushed but strangely relaxing. Nothing broke which was cool. At work I mean. I don't think anything broke outside of work either but I haven't been paying all that close attention to the rest if you get my drift.... No really. I'm good. work is good. life is good. We had a great X-mas with the CP here for the morning present opening finishing with dinner at the L-Ls. Quality all round. then just kind of bumming around on tuesday. Got some serious planning done on the "houses-within-a-house" project so that was cool. heard from my favorite female texan about her plans to be out here within the week so that's something to look forward to. I've had a fairly significant change of heart/attitude vis a vis her since the break-up (hers not mine -- and truth be told, since this birthday marks the passing of her 26th year on this earth which just doesn't seem as icky for some reason ...) but luckily while my mind may be all about justification my body is still following the god-fearing, upright little path it was intended to walk along and has trashed any plans I may or may not have had by breaking out in all manner of cold-sore gross-ness so.... guess we're gonna stay "just friends." At least this time around. ;-]

Hmmmm. What else. I'm tired but strangely upbeat which is FAB. Wrote THE CHECK to my school today which pretty much ensures that 1) I have no life savings left so it is particularly lucky that I also have no life and 2) I actually think I'm going to buckle down and work this semester so I can start writing THE DISSERTATION this summer. eek. Anyway. I'm gonna go put some babies to bed. Hope everyone's holidays were amazing and that I'll actually get to see you all in the coming year.

Well hello!

You know what sucks? What sucks is that I JUST glanced at the clock to figure out if I was getting anywhere near close to the time I get to go get my Big girl sprout from her winter session camp but then I realized "NO! Actually it's not getting near that time because I DON'T HAVE HER TODAY." Man. You'd think after nine years the sharing thing would get a little easier. Wait, have I written that before? Am I getting redundant?? Say it int so!

Anyway, long time, no chat! So much really wonderful stuff has been happening that I have been wanting to blog about and... practically simultaneously... so much silly/stupid stuff has occurred that it's made me instead want to crawl into my bed and wish for death (not MY death, mind you, just, you know, DEATH!!)

Let's see.... two really superb kid performances happened. The little girl at her daycare and the big girl in a Hip Hop version of the Nutcracker (the latter of which WAS in fact captured for posterity and will be making a limited run showing at some point during the coming month on the small screen -- that is unless I can find someone with a larger screen to let me have a big ole viewing party in their house...[hint, hint, Mistah L-L])

We did in fact go to the Grease sing-along and (barring unfortunate work related episode) had THE world's best time. I love my kids. i love that the 3.5 year old knows all the words to "Sandy"!! After which went to hang at the Bees which was GREAT. I like those guys. they're good people. Then home to bed where I spent some time reflecting on my, now two, totally inappropriate crushes -- one of which, i guess isn't so bad as it wll only get me fired. the other might actually cost me a friend (not really. i treat my friends pretty poorly and luckily rather than just writing me off, they've come to expect it! KIDDING! I love you guys! Really. :-])

Speaking of totally inappropriate, who's little pink-haired, newly single gal-pal to the stars is going to be in town this week and is planning on dropping by for a quick night out?? (Bless you Sue-bean for providing kidwatching coverage. And thank you soooooo much also Mistah L-L for risking death by asphyxiation to watch the Sprouts while me and Travelin' Man got our party on at the GV Holiday shin-dig-diggity the other night! I swear. I don't know why or how I got folks like you to be interested in my life but I sure am glad you all are the kind of cool you are! Now hurry up and have a baby so i can return the favor...oops! did I say that out loud?)

Let's see... not much else to say i spose. I'm THIS close to being done with my X-mas shopping which is swell. Noone is here at work so it's a little quieter than it's been (which is nice.) I'm seeing the BBQ tomorrow which is also grand as I haven't seen the braces yet and I kind of need to.... K. I'm outtie. I need to reply to all these pissy-manager types who want stuff from me. Hope everyone is having a spectacular holiday season so far. kisses to all of you!

I realize I've written this before (many times) but THIS GUY RULES! [Although, technically, i spose i haven't ever written that before because I JUST found out the author of this blog is a guy. I've been reading his blog for literally years so I don't know why I'm just figuring that out but.. blame it on my need to see "Dykey-ness" in everything]

http://www.girlsarepretty.com/blog/fishing_buddies_day.html

the good things in life

This week-end, I went with my kids to get a Christmas tree. We met up with the Bees at the tree lot and went to their house to do some crafty stuff after which we returned home and decorated said tree.

I heard from a friend of mine that he will be able to cover an emergency kid-sitting event and in doing so allow me to go smooze at the holiday party that's coming up.

I heard from another friend that there's going to be a "Grease" showing/sing-along at this kick-ass theatre and that she wants us to go (of COURSE!)

I found out the dates when my Big Girl is going to be performing in a Hip Hop version of the Nutcracker and that I will have access to a video recorder so I can tape the entire event and play it back years from now each and every time she attempts to introduce me to anyone she's "interested in."

I had my little one "read" me five of her books (in a row) because she was so excited to get the newest in the "Bing the Bunny series"

Three people have told me they appreciated hearing my "straightforward" answers in a meeting I participated in today.

I just got the new Dixie Chicks CD which I'm listening to right now.

I'm happy. I'm healthy. I have great, supportive (scarily attractive) friends. My kids are safe and growing and (for the most part) content. I have chocolate chip cookies at home and ice cold beer in the fridge. It would seem that despite what I've been writing, saying and sometimes actually thinking, life is pretty good. :-]

Aaaaahhhhhh....

I feel refreshed! See that's the thing about giving up on boys. You get to go back to your super-sexy short-haired self!

I swear my Baby-girl has got photo-taking talents that are not to be believed!
or how about this one where I look like my baby brother during his "R.Suave" period...

Speaking of whom -- how kick-ass are he and the woman and the baby doing?? Very, that's how! My little Angel-niece has already gained an entire pound and is learning how to stay awake the whole entire night! Yay. You grow, girl!

{Sigh} So, as we all know and as I am getting a little tired of saying, work = kicking my ass. I stayed home today though and co-incidentally enough got a whole TON of stuff done! I got my kitchen window repaired, got my hairs cut, worked on this thing I promised BBQ I'd do, went food shopping, even did some work-related stuff! I KNOW! It was pretty awesome if I do say so mee-self. And, of course, since there is noone else here except the librarian, I feel I must. So. Hope the various Thanksgivingess were good for folks. Thanks for the shout out Mr. L-L. We'd all taken a vow of not-answering-the-phone and so couldn't immediately respond but upon later discussion it was unanimously decided that you and your lady friend are indeed Good People! Our holiday was spent lying around the house eating chocolate chip cookies that we made from scritchety-scratch so that was sort of lovely (and fattening) as well. I feel very well prepared for the coming cold season. Insulated and whatnot. Hm. I spose that's it really. I've got another crush on someone completely inappropriate (I think though that's it not so much that it's just my "thing" to fall for the "What the hell??!" types but more that I just don't meet a lot of "appropriate" folks. At least not ones that aren't deadly dull and/or full of themselves. Besides which, at least I know enough not to act on these things! Well. most times I do..... O.k. well practically never but in this case.... oh. nevermind.)

Straight chicks ROCK!

You know, I tend to forget how very much straight girls rock! I mean yeah some of them are all cool and strong and empowered and impressive, and cute blah blah blah but they also a hella fun-loving bunch when they let thier hair down and get a little crazy (e.g. at least the ones who were at the Dixie Chicks concert me and the BBQ went to this past week-end! Yee Ha!)

eh, hem.... sorry. where was I? Oh yes. Hating my life. Major hardware issues at work which are ONLY not causing me to slit my wrists because THE reason we're not totally dying right now is because we actually implemented my stupid project which I've been fighting to get finished for the last 3 months... so, totally unrelated but nevertheless catastrophic silliness going on at the old ranch and I for one am glad 1) I have kids who need picking up thus giving me a perfect excuse to sneak out and "test from home" and 2) that this is a short week. honestly. I'm not sure i could take another one like the last one. Except for the seeing "The Chicks" with the best friend part. I'd do that again! :-]

School buses have seatbelts now!

Who knew?? ahhhhh. I feel much better. Lovely day today hanging with the child and her class. Stellar bunch of small people. Really, first class!

where i thought i'd be when I was 40...?

I just sent off my last work related e-mail for the day. I also sent off this cartoon

which I stole/modified from an illustration on a card a friend of mine sent me, so I could send it to some programmer/QA chick I'm working with who lives in Florida and who has a killer South African accent.

For the record, I am officially over this shit. I am tired of getting yelled at for things that are not only outside my direct sphere of influence but that I am nontheless working late every f*cking night to try to correct. I am tired of wondering if really wanting a Sierra Nevada (or two) every night means I "have a problem". I am sick of not hanging out with my kid because I "need to finish one last thing". I am tired of "holding it together" and remembering that it's all gonna fix itself in "like, a week"... I want it fixed now. I want to do things I enjoy doing without feeling like I'm letting someone down. F*ck it. I'm taking tomorrow off (gonna go see a ship with my kid and her class) Work can kiss my ass.

So did we all go out and vote...?

Good. And now onto the real question for tonight -- Why am I still up? i don't have a good reason other than I can't sleep. i mean the kid is in bed. the favorite TV show ended over an hour ago. i've already finished sending the "sorry I screwed up" note to the Boo's teacher for mistakenly taking my newly assigned duties as "classroom book order monitor" to frenzied heights of independence by taking it upon myself to tally and mail the class orders (on the special sheet provided) to the Scholastic Book Club never realizing that yes, she wanted the tally part done but um, maybe I could have waited to send off the order until THE REST OF THE SCHOOL was ready! She didn't actually come out and call me a big ole loser but really, this is just not the best way to support my bub in being embraced by her new school culture. Christ. I really need something to go right right about now. Anything. anything at all...

I just wrote a very long post for my "other" blog (no worries if you're not checking there regularly. Most of what's up there is stolen from here anyway...) which got me all mentally worn out so instead of re-capping it here, I'm just gonna link to it... :-]

Please forgive...

The sudden disappearance of your dear friend Chick. I am living the life from hell right this second (mostly due to gnarly project roll-out at work) and am not finding myself able to write or call or just generally check in with anybody who is not currently living at a hospital while thier baby undergoes her latest surgical procedure. Do not take this to mean that I love you any less. Just that I am either working, sleeping or drinking and therefore cannot come to the phone. :-]

Halloween was fun though. Did some T&T on this side of the bridge and had an grand time! O.K. going back down...