Two conversations...

Conversation #1

Chick:So, what kind of doll do you want?
Soon-to-be-6yr-old:The light colored one [note use of the word "light" since extremely smart child knows that if she says "white" MommaChick will get all weirded out on her]
Chick:{getting all weirded out}Why?
Soon-to-be-6yr-old:I dunno.
Chick:Is there something particular you like about the light one?
Soon-to-be-6yr-old:Yeah, I just like her color.
Chick:There's one that's your color. Don't you like your color?
Soon-to-be-6yr-old:{shrug}not really.
Chick:why?
Soon-to-be-6yr-old:Dunno.
Chick: {Quick mental perusal of STB6YO's friends}Is it just dolls or do you like "light" people better too?
Soon-to-be-6yr-old:I like "light" people better.
Chick:{!!} Why??
Soon-to-be-6yr-old:Because they say "I" like I do.
Chick:{lost}"I"?
Soon-to-be-6yr-old:Instead of "ah". Like "Ahm going..."
Chick:You like light people because they sound like you?
Soon-to-be-6yr-old:Yes.
Chick:But that's cultural. That's doesn't have anything to do with what color they are
Soon-to-be-6yr-old:...
Chick:You know that right?
Soon-to-be-6yr-old:...
Chick:There are lots of brown people who sound like you. I sound like you.
Soon-to-be-6yr-old: Because you're not dark.
Chick:{?!}I'm not dark?
Soon-to-be-6yr-old:No. The darker you are the more you sound like that.
Chick:hmmmmm. I don't think that's always true, Sweetie.
Soon-to-be-6yr-old:Uh huh. All the dark brown kids at my school talk like that.
Chick:Yes, but if a light kid is raised in the same family then they'd talk like that to.
Soon-to-be-6yr-old:{stares at me}
Chick:So, would you want to be friends with that kid? Even if she didn't sound like you?
Soon-to-be-6yr-old:It depends. If she's nice.
Chick:So, you could be friends with a darker kid too, if she's nice
Soon-to-be-6yr-old:yeah....
Chick:Well, o.k.
Soon-to-be-6yr-old:But I still want the light doll.


Conversation #2

Baby Brother: What's the kid want for her birthday?
Chick:A Bratz doll. The Asian one. She likes it because it's "light"
Baby Brother:Yo, That reminds me, I just met this African American Chinese guy!
Chick:He was mixed?
Baby Brother:No he was from China! Grew up there!
Chick:So he's Chinese?
Baby Brother:No, he's a black guy!
Chick:But he grew up in China?
Baby Brother:Yeah.
Chick:So, he's not actually African American, he's Chinese
Baby Brother:{as if to someone who is really just completely missing the point}But he's dark, like me...
Chick: Right, but culturally he's Chinese. He's not African American, he's Chinese!
Baby Brother:.... Let me talk to the kid.

Seriously, is it just me? And I trying to make this much more difficult than it needs to be? I don't think my kid (or my brother for that matter) is racist or anything because we never actually established whether or not being "dark" was bad, just that it's different and that she's more comfortable with sameness, but she's definitely prejudiced in favor of light skin (and long hair -- stay tuned for the gender-stereotype discussion later this week!) and in her world (and unfortunately apparently in my Baby Bro's) if you look a certain way, you are a certain way. period. I dunno. I mean, I get that part of it can be attributed to the "greener" grass theory (Look at all those light wimmin trying to get tan) and that another bit can be assigned to random desire to look a certain way based on what you personally think looks cool (STB6YO also wishes her eyes were more "slantey" and that her hair was pink-violet all over); still another part knows that it is intrinsic to kid/teen-age/early twenties-ness to question and change and experiment and that expecting a healthy and holistic total acceptance of body, mind and spirit may be a bit too much to ask of a soon-to-be-6yr-old but still... Racism is so insidious. I just wonder how much of it is natural processing/pattern-making and how much of it is society telling her what to think? {sigh} Anyway. I'm off to figure out "loot bags" after I put in an order for a "Barbie" cake. My life is the definition of irony right now.

Damn, now I need a new axiom...

So, today, on the way into the city, I mention to the kid that I want to get my hair cut this weekend. She says "Why? Your hair looks fine." I reply with a bunch of blah blah blah about comfort with hair styles and how it gets "fuzzy" and how I just like it when it's shorter, etc. She accepts this. Then later as we're walking to her class she says "I wish my hair was like H.'s" "Why?! Your hair is adorable!" reply I, forehead furrowed; need to instill ability to frame a positive self-image/overwhelming sense of disbelief that my kid sees herself as anything less than perfect always, swelling within my maternal breast. "I dunno," says she, shrugging. "I just like it when it's long." {...!}

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in other news, friend for life Tony just brought in this book about relationships based on astrological signs that is creeping me out! First off, let's ignore the (in my humble opinion more than slightly accurate) defining of my week of birth as "The week of Genius" -- here is the beginning of the descriptive paragraph outlining my situation should I choose to pair with someone say, whose birthday is... let's see... how about {choosing at random here...} July 2nd:

"This can be a brillant combination for furthering projects and realizing goals. The relationship lets it's partners know that they do well operating in a broad social context; together these two naturally take the lead in any endeavor, meanwhile sharing few tensions between themselves over dominance and control. They do, however, demand the highest quality both in others and in themselves. The realtionship's quality of nurturing and understanding hatches new ideas the way a brooder hatches chicks...."

Here's me and the kid:

"The Libra I - Aquarius I couple is likely to have a liberating effect on those with whom it comes in contact with. The emphasis in this relationship is not so much on the independence of each partner but on thier combined power to undermine authority and loosen the bonds of tradition - in general to promote a freethinkng and forward-looking ideology or lifestyle. Libra I and Aquarius I lie in trine aspect to each other in the zodiac suggesting an ease between them...."

Hee Hee!

Anyway. I'm becoming obsessed. Damn you, Tony for bringing this poison to my desk!! Must... work... now.... step away from the book....

16,156 pounds sterling??! That's it?!

Not to mention the fact that I find it VERY hard to believe 58% of the population is living a life purer in word and deed than moi! Thank you Creepy for making my day. Everyone else, get over there and tell me what your estimate is. No fair selling your unborn children...!

my butt hurts!

I have a HUGE bruise on my tuchas from last night when I rather unceremoniously fell onto a pile of wood/tools in a feeble effort to make my kid's room slightly safer for her to occupy until the loft is completely finished. HUGE. all purple and green with a sexy red welt running down the center of it...! Yup, who wants some NOW, Baby!

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In other news: Here's a seemingly cool organization that Sleeping Beauty left in the comments section. I read through the site and it seems like they're trying to do some good in the world. Plus the site itself is pretty spiffy. Go check it out if you get a chance and/or if you are or know a teen-aged girl in Alameda county.

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Did I mention my ass?? Hurts! Still! I sailed in here slightly late this morning and got right to work on one of my projects only to notice that I had an e-mail saying that I was required to be in some meeting with all the big bosses that had already started and that I ended up wandering into an HOUR late... Nice. Seriously, is there anyone out there wondering why the hell I haven't been politely asked to leave yet??

O.K. the dragqueen I want to marry me, father my children, strut around in 8 inch heels and eventually leave me for some undeserving hunk of pretty, young, man-flesh and is playing at the Castro St. Fair with Kennedy et al (aka: Pepperspray) and I HAVE to go! Who wants to come with me...! Anyone???

Oh mi gawd, how did I miss this show???! {sad Chick. Sad, tired Chick....}

Sigh...

He's just so dreamy...!

[thanks, Annie for the link!]

Pop quiz!

So, I'm tired all day yesterday, right? due to TOTAL lack of sleep on Sundee night, so... yesterday, I get home from work, exhausted, and, of course, being an intelligent, forward thinking gal, I

1) crawl immediately into bed in a somewhat futile attempt to catch up on the accumulated years of missed sleep i've amassed thus far

2) realize that although I'm tired, I am also a student and thus need to finish my reading which I do before crawling into bed and entering the land of blessed repose

or

3) Blow off the reading but stay up until 3am anyway working on my kid's loft.

That's right, folks, I am an idiot! I am also officially so tired right now I may die! Ran into SigTau on the elevator, he suggested copious amounts of RedBull. I am so exhaused I actually considered it!

Oh, before I forget, belated shout out to the fantastic Lu who turned the big 2 last week and who is as fetching and fabulous a 2-year-old as ever I've seen! Congrats, honey! Happy getting huge!!

{Sigh} Somebody shoot me, please.... Loft looks good though....

"I couldn't find one that read 'fuckpig.'"

Let's all hear it for My newest addition to the links aisle! {sound of cheers, hoots and piercing whistles} Seriously folks, he sounds like a great guy, and what a writer! Do yourselves a favor and check him out!

the way high school should have been

I had the best high school date last night! I was kind of out of sorts this last week (anybody notice? - quick show of hands...!) so my Pretty Boy agreed to take me out and treat me like a girl. First, we went to this touristy restaurant in the Marina and talked about dumb stuff, then we got back in his brand new car and drove all over the Presidio and the Marina listening to loud classic rock and acting like idiots. We even ended up "parking" down under the GG bridge so we could ... eh hem... "look at the view". Anyways, It was sweet and adorable and it felt like a "do-over" of prom night - cuter boy (with longer hair), sexier clothes, faster car, no curfew -- Yeah, baby!

being black and being a blogger...

There's a fascinating discussion raging through the blogsphere re: the concept of being a black blogger. I discovered it when I stopped by Jason's site for my daily visit and I clicked through several of his links to other discussions that were intelligent, far-ranging and compelling. Having said that, I don't honestly think I have a damn thing to add to the conversation. I am tired right now and even if I weren't, I am far too busy attempting to explicate my mixed-race, bi-sexual, parent-of-a-young-child-al position to try to switch frames/analysees based on the occassional perception of where my allegiances might lie according to my skin tone. The discussion is oftentimes enlightening though and I would highly suggest that people stop by to have a little looksee.

These guys are my new music review heroes

For no other reason than one of their reviews contained this sentence:

"It's something of a relief in these times of bands bothering to make decent music that pop's core values - ridiculous hair, pointing one's penis at a lady in a mask..."

combined with a picture.

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K. so. I go downstairs to get my bagel and TEA at around the same time most mornings. this pretty much assures that I will be running into the same peeps over and over again and while most are still so completely shocked that they're even out of bed that they can't do much more than stare and mumble there are a few who are quite gregarious. One gentleman in particular palys particularly fast and loose with the life story and i just have to say, were I to ever meet his ex-wife (Diane - who is "out there!"), his older daughter (Sarah who just moved out of her apartment which her ex-roomate trashed and which our friend subsequently spent ALL week-end cleaning up and who is now moving into a new place that is smaller but in a MUCH nicer neighborhood), and his younger daughter (Stephanie who just hooked up with a boy she knew when they were kids but who is currently running with a pretty "bad crowd" -- not to mention the fact that this kid just broke up with his girlfriend -- and who just recently told the aforementioned ex-wife, Diane about the situation and now Diane is "all up in arms" thinking our buddy needs to "step in"...!) let's just say, I'm not sure what I would be able to say to them.

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School yesterday was luverly. There is a girl in my class who is a dead ringer for Alexis Bledel who plays Rory in the best TV show ever! (except that the girl in my class is dark brown and Alexis is off-white but no matter, the resemblance is eery I tell you!) Anyways, I bring this up because I am currently in a group with Rory's twin as well as with Coffee Boy and i couldn't be more thrilled! We're going to be studying the "history of place" in which we make "an ethnographic and cartographic study of a location" -- probably the liquor store at the corner of Broadway and 40ieth -- and write a report about it. Yay, us! There is also an EXTREMELY annoying green-glasses wearing girl in our group who while I can't say exactly why she bugs me just does and I'm going to do my best to ignore her.

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My beautiful kid's Back-to-School night is tonight which i think means we're all going to be herded into a room where we'll "meet and greet" the principal while our kiddies are whisked away somewhere else to play and snack. Have I mentioned the sheer uselessness of events that separate people from their peeps as a way to facilitate "bonding"?? Anyway. I'm going to protest hotly the second anyone tries to wrest my Boo from my grasp (unless, of course, she wants to be whisked away, which she probably will -- damn the brainwashing cult-like mentality at these so-called "alternative" schools!) Sigh. getting tired. going to act like I'm, working now....

"Web meetings" - Informative or grossly generalized waste of time? Discuss...

I am currently participating in an on-line meeting that is attempting to explain to me why Marimba technologies is vastly superior to SMS. So far I've learned that I can:

"enable complex systems while reducing human intervention for administration

integrate rather than change the environment or process

capture your business requirements and policies

enforce the policies and report against compliance

allow you to take proactive steps toward cutting costs"

I've learned this through a series of power point templated slides that progress at a rate of one every 6 minutes! Ooops, hang on, apparently we are now going to learn about a "paradigm shift"... I mean, seriously , I could have gotten this from a brochure and at least it would have been glossily packaged! Criminey!

"Closed-looped, policy based management" What the hell??!

K. nuff of that. Big shout out to the girl I like. Thanks for the check-in. You're sweet. You're also quite safe as I have no intentions of moving to the Portland area anytime soon. That plus the fact I've once again given up on adult relationships pretty much ensures that anyone peeping into your window in the middle of the night (much as you might wish it to be me) is, instead, just some random stalker.

My GAWD could this "presentation" be more boring?????? Were you aware that SMS is not a policy-based system? or that it manges Windows and NOT your environment (Dur??) O.K. sorry. Just because I'm having to sit through this nonsense does not mean you should have to also. Although... what's that thing about misery loving company...? Anyways, I'll write more later after I've digested the Marimba sales-pitch...er...ah... I mean information offering!

I'm sad, i'm tired and I'm going home. See everyone tomorrow...

then, of course, there's always this...


You're living the movie Scream!


?? Which Horror Movie Are You Living ??
brought to you by Quizilla

"It is not a fetish!"

um... I'm skeered!

And the hits just keep on coming...!

Hallo folks, let's see what is there to say this morning...? week-end was lovely. Bagels with the Bees - always fun; Boo class = great (there quite literally is not a single thing in the world more adorable than 6 year olds doing acrobatics)! Boo's new/regular teacher is fabulous in a butch kind of way and if I was in the mood for it, I think I'd add her to my crush list. I'm not though so she'll have to stay in the land of "cool people who I only really consider when I'm in their actual presence". Not a bad place to be, actually -- I'll bet the vast majority of my crushes might actually prefer to be switched to that list...!

Anyway. Spent yesterday working on the loft project with the amazingly sweet R-B Guy -- thanks you soooo much for everything, my friend. Hope you find what you need from life -- and it looks great! we made this AMAZING railing for Boo's bunk bed that is a freaking work of art. The loft's not done yet but it's getting there and it's much less close to falling down so I'm happy. Aside from that nothing else to report (at least not anything that needs to be aired in public) ... OH! Except that the plans for the Boo birthday are shaping up nicely so be on the look-out for your invites; coming soon to e-mail near you!

I'm here...

but I'm tired.

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The girl I like was born in 1984. Just by way of reference. I graduated high school in 1986. fuck.

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God, I am just in such a crappy mood right now. I mean I'm not really onna counta all my buddy boyz are hanging around and dammit you can never have too many adorable young men in your life, but still. The second they're gone it's back to "fuck! What the freakin' fuck??! Why is everything so stupid and why do I even exist and why am I trying to get anything at all accomplished given that it's just going to 1) not work and/or 2) suck!" Now, don't misunderstand. I am well aware that I am by far THE luckiest human being on the planet I'm just depressed is all. Actually, you know what, I'm going to stop writing right now because I'm sensing a shift to maudlin and given the aforementioned freaking overall greatness of my life that would not only be silly and self-serving but intensely painful to read when I get back from another typically fabulous week-end. Ciao!

so we're not going to get Rosemary. Her biological mom is sueing to get more visitation (turning her from "low-risk" into "medium-risk") and her caseworker isn't sure whether or not they should place her with the other potential family (the one that was NOT us, which apparently has no kids and two parents, one of whom is "stay-at-home") or whether they should leave her in her current placement with her Foster folks who already have her and adore her (but who are too old to be considered for permanent adoption). Anyway, sum total is either she stays where she is, she goes to the other family or she goes back with her bio mom -- C'est la vie, thanks for playing, we have some lovely parting gifts for you on your way out! Our Caseworker was telling me that now we should start looking at all the other counties' children and that this is all somehow a good thing. I dunno. I'm kind of sick of the whole thing to tell you the truth. Not like I'm dropping out or anything but I'm tired of wanting something so much that I have NO control over. Blah. This process sucks.

Today I am in a fine mood

I really am. I'm feeling fit as a freaking fiddle, cute as hell (although I am wearing some fancy, uber-hip pants I got yesterday which, I shudder to say, may be a bit "young" for me -- low-rise, tight, boot-cut -- I mean, I think they look fine but I keep trying to pull them up and my sweater down so as to better hide both my granny panties and my "nothing-to-be-ashamed-of!" baby-building stretch marks...! Sigh, I don't think old is in the fact that you necessarily stop looking good in things but more in the fact that it starts to bug you when your clothes aren't "comfortable" Anyway...) I've got my tea, I just finished a very yummy bagel. All is good with the Chick-ster's life.

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Class yesterday was fun. We got all heated about stuff. I actually may be developing a SLIGHT crush on Coffee-Boy but only because he's so intense about everything. i mean, my God! Can you imagine what it would feel like to have that level of intensity applied to yourself?? O.K. points to those of you who are thinking "stalker!" still though. In addition to pants (I know, I didn't really say anything about class but it's pretty standard stuff still. Clarifying but no real relevations, although my Prof did say she's going to try to steal me away from Mills -- Hee Hee! And leave Professor K.??! Never!!) I also bought some comic book porn which I like for a whole variety of reasons but mostly because i actually like the drawings. I mean, I figure if I'm going to look at airbrushed chicks doing stuff to each other it's only a hop-skip-and-a-jump to drawings of chicks doing stuff. Besides which, the drawn chicks can not only get into some unbelievable positions they can also have sex with Vampires and stuff, so there! Thing is, I'm reading these things on the BART on the way home and I'm struck by how funny the writing is. I mean one of the issues was called "Yuppies, Rednecks and Lesbians from Mars" and yes there were all sorts of women in various states of undress but there was also a commune of yuppie guys who were hiding out in the tunnels underneath the New York City library rotating the "usage" of a single blow-up doll that winds up getting riddled with bullets thereby forcing them out into the redneck run devastation that is post-apocalyptic New York!! I mean C'MON! That's more fun than those stupid "My boyfriend and i have always had an interest in gardening, and since we have a fairly high wall of primeroses surrounding the backyard, I've gotten into the habit of doing it in the nude. So, one day I was back there planting Hydrangeas thinking I was fairly secluded. Little did i know that my neighbor Rebecca and her handyman Floyd....!" O.K. so maybe I'm slightly interested in what gets shorn but still, gimme Biker babes with dragon pets and perky 44 D's anyday over "Beverly, whose interests include investment banking and skiing...!"

Sheesh! How the heck did I even get on this topic?? Sorry, folks, I'm in a rambling mood. OH, it's been brought to my attention that some of you can't see the "comments" area in the timestamp at the bottom of each post. If you are one of those who cannot (and if you have a minute) could you please use the "talk to me" link at the right to send me a note re: which browser you're using -- including the version if poss. If too many people can't comment then I'll look into replacing the system. Tanks!

Confidential to JT: Of course she's playing games, but have you considered that perhaps she feels like she has to to avoid getting invested and subsequently hurt Mr. Talking-about-how-much-you-dig-this-girl-whilst-having-sex-with-someone-else! In my humble opinion it is entirely possible that this girl you like is not as tough as she's acting and that if you were to step the hell up and let her know that you really want to be her main squeeze she might let her guard down a bit long enough to tell you where she's been all week-end. Just a thought. good luck.