Almost forgot

Conversation with Little Big Girl as we walked to her Music, Art, Theater camp and she reminded me that they were having a show later in the day....

Spark:We have a show today at 1:00!
Me:Doh! I forgot to bring the camera!
Spark: That's o.k. You can watch me with your eyes!

Heh.

GAH!

So, I back! Finally. Actually we got back on Monday but it's been a long strange road to regularity down in these here parts.

Quick though,

before i go into how fantabulous the trip/family/desert was, I want to make three highly specific shout-outs to friends and fam:

1) Mr. Lovah-Lovah and Auntie K - It was great seeing you two yesterday and being a part of what i hope are plenty of official "We CAN'T WAIT for you to get here!" parties for the baby. We love you guys and simply cannot be more thrilled that you are actively increasing the sheer number of quality people on this planet that we will have access to!

2) Happy half birthday to the Bee twins! You kids are great. Sorry, we had to miss it but I promise we'll make it up to you in spades/sleep-over popcorn-party-fests!

3) Sister J, I hope you know that we were all put on this planet to help and support you in whatever way you need (consciously or not) so PLEASE do not hesitate to use us during your convalescence (you could also use us during your regular life to but I wanted to specifically point out that we actually like being helpful to folks who are slated to undergo massive, invasive multiple-organ transplant scenarios like yourself. p.s. Whatever you do though, stay away from the really huge Ibuprofen they might try to give you after. Those things have never been kind to anybody and the addiction recovery path just isn't worth it!)

Now then, trip was loverly! I. love. love. love my brothers and was thrilled to get to see everyone in the sun and with their people. The weather was gorgeous (not too hot actually) the accommodations were amazing and the girls were fish. (Seriously, finally tally of the pools we splashed around in ended at 6 plus one really pretty Lake wherein both my beautiful Wife and my eldest daughter had a chance to show off their boat driving skillz! Even the mom was not so bad. There was one icky point there where my dad referred to my mom as his "Ex" which i thought I'd effectively blotted out forever but clearly the trauma remains (ew!) Also, saw the beginnings of what I will henceforth refer to as the "Golf-Widow" syndrome start it's sad, lonely descent into my life as the Wife took herself off to the range to learn putting with the pros (my dad, little brother, nephew and BB-Sis-in-Law) leaving me and my mom with nothing to do but shop, drink tea in the sun and partake of some really yummy fry bread. {sigh} I wonder if Tiger's wife feels this way.....

Vacation-ready

Me = vacation ready. Not in the sense that I'm all primed and gassed up and ready to go, more in that I'm sort of at the end of my proverbial rope/if I have to deal with. one. more. thing. I'm gonna explode ... {sigh} K. that actually just sounded alot like my mom so let me re-think that statement. I'm fine. Things are fine. I got to see Wicked this week-end which was awesome! The kidcare worked out in such a way as to allow the Little Little girl to spend the afternoon with a very good friend of hers (Red-E, we'll call her as opposed to her cousin, my niece-in-law, Brown-E who she ALSO got to see yesterday, in fact -- yay her!) I am liking very much getting to spend time with the fam. I've had a few incidents now wherein I am suddenly presented with a potential "problem" vis a vis kid care which are almost immediately sorted out for me by those wonderful angel-persons who watch over my every move/are probably a little at the ends of their proverbial ropes as well... [heh, get it. I said "proverbial"... which is funny because they're angels.... Anyone...? K. Sorry. moving on.] Case in point: the Big Girl who arrived here this morning with absolutely nothing to do has since been happily put to work laminating for/assisting her good friend/ex-afterschool counselor who just happens to be running the Specialty Camp program here at work and so is now feeling useful and interested and non-bored so that I, in turn, can work. Or yesterday when the Matriarch of the Bee clan totally stepped up to offer a supervised day of hang-outtage -- Seriously, the life is really just very nice and supportive, I'd hate for anyone out there to think otherwise. (Please don't!) Yet/Still, I'm tired. I'm so lucky that my life/seredipitious-ness is stepping into the breach created by my inability to deal but I wish I had a minute to reset. I'm tired of feeling weird and hurt and moody and tired all the time. i want to go away and play with my family (the larger one) and remember how kick-ass we as a concept are and come back refreshed and rested and happy dammit! And I want to do it NOW! {tiny voice}: Is that so wrong...??

Wait for it...!

K. so, breaking news. Me and the Big Big girl are going to start making/posting podcasts. The episodes will be driven (ha!) by the hilarity that is our bi-weekly trips home in the truck (hence the name "The Truck Show") and will cover such far reaching subjects as "Why everything is funnier said in a faux New Yawk accent combined with insane amounts of repetition", "Why organic lollipops suck! [and yes, this segment is/was packed to the brim with genius puns dreamed up entirely by the BBG]" and "How everyone at school is all talking about drugs and stuff and how crack lying on the street with smashed up sunglasses can be really scary." *I* for one, CANNOT wait to get this up and running. Look for the first few episodes to post early to mid September. Thanks for listening and keep on truckin'!

p.s. We even have a theme song!!!!

My Girl!

Boo: Hey mom....
Me: Hm?
Boo: So, if you ever need to get home from Atlanta and you're driving and you want to use a route that goes through all state capitals -- I'm your girl. (Does that chest patting thing rappers do.)
Me: Really? you know how to do that?
Boo: Yup.
Me: Cool.
[pause]
Boo: I could also tell you how much you'll spend on food.
Me: Good to know.

Yup. Pretty much sums up why I consider myself among the luckiest humans on the planet today.

in other news, my dear friend Mizz Tail got an award last night for being awesome/helping undersupported kids reach their fullest potential. Here's the write up from the last awards dinner. The group is called All Stars and was brought to the west coast about 8 years ago by a group called The Bay Area Center for Independent Culture (BACIC). It's been active on the East coast for about 25 years. I didn't know very much about the event going in but suffice to say, I came out at the end of the evening feeling ridiculously happy that there are such amazing people in the world doing such amazing work. the kids were insanely poised and accomplished as well. Plus it was nice getting to hang out with my A-Tail! All-in-all, a fantastic experience. I'm actually gonna try to hunt them down to see if I can help out in any way. gosh. Just so much kid-centric greatness in one place. Warms the heart.

If a valid feeling is found...

the sentence is said to represent one person who feels that way.

That sentence comes from a great essay by Nell Boeschenstein that Miss tail just forwarded to me. It's ostensibly (I think) about permission to use pieces of information supplied by people about themselves in a context those people weren't aware of. I'm pretty sure Miss T. sent it to me though because we (she and I) have been having an on-going set of conversations about what happens when virtual people meet reality people - whether or not the (practically guaranteed) dissonance between the attachments a person is capable of forming on-line versus the attachments one is capable of forming in "the real world" creates more of a barrier than a bridge to an on-going relationship which is also explored in the piece. The thing is, I read the article and thought "Awesome. This is a well reasoned, insightful, interesting story that seems pretty in line with some things i think about 'all of that stuff'" BUT then I went to the website mentioned in the article and i have to say. i was surprised/amazed by how beautiful it is. I mean, yes, it's clearly an "experiment" but it's also such an absolutely captivating rendering of a nuanced idea, I'm sort of blown away. Sentiment used to service art. Not all that different than other "great" artists dragging their subjects out of context to present them to the public as "depictions" rather than living people. Now i'm re-reading the article because i'm not sure I agree anymore with what i think the author is saying. i'm re-reading it however because i'm a big ole girl and I want to "give the author a chance" to prove that it is I who missed something in the initial reading and that we are, in fact still on-the-same-page vis a vis me thinking she's brilliant/on to something. Honestly, I don't even know this person but I'm somehow worried I'll hurt her feelings if I change my mind about her extraordinary insight! Humans are weird.

The Wedding may have been delayed but we're still engaged!

Just a cool slogan I think would look good on a t-shirt. Other than that, i'm not sure what i think about "the recent court decision"... i mean, i sort of expected it to be exactly this (nice even that the court voted unanimously to uphold the existing "legal" marriages and to re-affirm the protections currently set out around discrimination based on sexual orientation") and this whole thing reads as pretty "procedural" to me -- meaning that the way I see it this is really about whether or not the constitution should be so easy to change and less about whether or not the court is "siding" with a particular group so.... yes, they decided that our constitution is 1) distressingly easy to change but that's o.k. since it was mandated by our legislators and 2) the "right to marry" isn't inalienable. I don't think I agree with the idea that we get to use our right to vote to pick on people but it still seems to me that what this court decided yesterday was that if we feel that way we should change the process by which folks are allowed to decide to pick on people which I guess I agree with. Very strange though being the "defender" of the decision (even if it's for semantic reasons) since it means I'm arguing with my friends/allies who are more upset. Welp. we shall see what comes next. Perhaps this will galvanize everyone into being a little more "out" about their friends and acquaintances so when the next vote to change the allowances of a minority group comes up, we'll have enough critical mass to push it through this time. At least now we know it'll be upheld once it's switched!

in other news, this past week-end was fab. Parts were a little sad/stressful -- there was one bit in there where I was forced to surrender my kid to the whims of Carnival in the Mission and which ended in a way which was disturbing/annoying to me (bossy police officers, nonexistent parking, frustration + tears) even though it all worked itself out eventually; but in general the week-end was lovely. Memorial Day week-end happens to contain the exact day/evening (May 25) when The Now Wife offered up her first "yes" and made me so deliriously happy that I could NOT even stand it! Well, a few additional "yeses" later and here we are. Me=still stupid/happy, she=still here.... nice, to think about (also nice that she FINALLY let me into her pants. that part was killing me!)

K. This is weird

So, Most of you out there probably know who your child's biological father is. (Or at least have a fairly close guess. I totally get it's sometimes hard for you straight people to account for every single minute spent at random bars especially with the whole "roofie" craze that happened in the early 2000's....) I, however, am in the interesting position of not actually having any idea AT ALL who the bio-dads of my little girls are. i have no idea who they are, where they are and whether or not they have any peculiarities/special abilities. Part of this is by choice (donor-insemination with the option of becoming "known" when my Big Big Girl is 18 but not before or per my request.) and part is by chance (Little Big girl acquired through Foster Care System wherein she'd been placed at birth and accompanied by a redacted document stating in no uncertain terms "Father = None" -- which in and of itself begs the question as to whether or not my baby is living proof of the Christian world's third virgin birth but that sort of thing tends to just sort of play itself out over time so....) which is interesting to me because it leads to all sorts of musings which I don't think most people have.

Case in Point: yesterday my Big Girl was playing with a tiny little friend she'd made whilst we were waiting to be served at my favorite (close to work, anyway) Chinese Food place and i noticed that the two of them were amusing themselves by making faces at each other. One of the faces involved turning their tongues so they were perpendicular/sideways in their mouths. I cannot do this. No one I know can do this. My kid can though. And so could this tiny person. I immediately checked out her parent. Caucasian lady. Curly black hair. TP was blonde with vaguely Asian features. My kid's donor was Vietnamese/Chinese so she, too, has the "vaguely Asian features"... So, here's me thinking "Hm. I wonder if they're related." NOT "Hm, I wonder if this child and her mom are related." No. My thought was "I wonder if this child and MY child are related." Then, I was telling this story to my buddy IHOEL and he too, had the same thought, so it didn't actually occur to me that that's a pretty bizarre thing to think until I told this story to yet another set of co-workers, one of whom who looked at me like I had another head. "Why would they be related?" He asked. "Maybe they have the same donor." i replied. More confusion. "Donor?" he asked. "Yeah." I said "He's an unknown donor. Maybe this lady used the same person." At which point the following conversation ensued:

"Wait. did you ask?"
"Who?"
"the Lady."
"The parent?"
"yeah."
"No."
"Why?"
"Um, because that would be weird."
"But don't you want to know?"
"Not really. Why?"
"Because they're sisters, right?"
"Uh. I guess. maybe. I don't know. hm. yeah, I dunno."
"But, don't you care??"
"Not really. Why?"
"She might have a sister!"
"Well, she definitely has a sister. Spark is her sister."
"Yeah but I mean, a real sister."
[Which is where I got annoyed] "Spark is her real sister!"
"Well, yeah, but you know what I mean."
"No. No I don't know what you mean." [For the record. I think this particular co-worker is an idiot. I thought that before we had this conversation though. This just reminded me how much.]

Anyway, that's pretty much it for this edition of "Fun conversations my life choices allow me to have!" Stay tuned though. I'm sure there will be LOTS more!

I asked my brain.

this was the response my Little girl gave me today when i inquired as to whether anyone had informed her decision to throw away her homework packet.

Me: You threw away your homework?
Spark: uh huh.
Me: Um. why?
Spark: It was small. It was only two pages. It wasn't enough.
Me: Oh. So... did you ask anyone if it was enough? Did someone tell you to throw it away?
Spark: I asked my brain.
Me: Oh. O.K. Well, maybe next time ask the teacher.
Spark: K.

In other news I am right this second listening to rap. I KNOW! [I'll wait while everyone gets up off the floor. hm, hm, hm....] Here's the thing. My kid. the one who is typically within earshot of me or her other (to the best of my knowledge, non-rapping) mother or at school (where, again, I'm assuming there is not so much with the tone loc) was flipping the dials on the ole stereo the other day and found some random R&B/rap station ("Eeeezy-E!" i believe) which she not only stopped at but LOVED. To the point where she was all bouncing around in her seat. Now, I'm not saying I'm anti-rap. Or even that there aren't artists that I find appealing, I'm just saying I have NEVER exposed her to this type of tune-age so I was a bit taken aback by the fervor of her interest! i was also taken aback by the fact that she learned some of the songs pretty much instantly and started chanting them along at the top of her voice which brings us to our current situation wherein I'm trying to find songs that fit into the "rap" mold but which I would also feel comfortable with my 6-year-old singing at the top of her lungs in, say, a supermarket. It's hard. Salt n Pepper - out. Most of Ms. Latifah's early years, nope. Anyone who isn't the Fresh Prince - not so much. I did find one collection that's got a bunch of artists (Kayne West, DJ Jazzy Jeff, Consequence, etc.) doing really positive, kid-friendly songs but I found it kind of randomly and I can't find anything else like it by going to their individual sites.... So, there you have it, anyone out there is an aficionado and has some suggestions for the Spark Mix-Tape-Extravaganza, PLEASE send them my way!

Also getting a little tired of this nonsense...

But, i'll still be going down there this eve to "lend my support"/stand around being all "gay" and stuff. {sigh} Whatev. Why are folks so weird all the time...

Lost

No, not the TV show. Me. I got lost this week-end. I got lots of other things as well -- Got to go hang out with the BBQ crew to celebrate the most recent HUGE milestone achieved by her Siggie, J (go, J!); got to see/watch my kid fall desperately in love with a whole host of reptilian persons; got to put in an appearance at THE Birthday bash extravaganza of the century (Kindergarten Party hosted by the daughter of my old super sweet Landylady at Build-a-Bear workshop. Nuff said.) got to wack some weeds; Really! all in all a fantastic week-end.... the lost part is sticking out in my head particularly though because I'm a grown-up lady who thinks things through pretty well and. honestly, I don't get lost anymore. I mean, I've made the occasional foray into "let's just drive around/explore" land but actually lost, like where you have no idea where you are or how long it will take you to get home or from whence you might summon help... not so much. Also interesting to note that my (and my children's) lost-ness was entirely due to me making a series of really bone-headed directional choices. Choices which i KNEW a the time were maybe not the best but then I just went ahead and made them anyway. This is a key variable because there was a point when I consciously decided (after about 45 minutes and one wondering question from the larger, non-sleeping child) to stop being lame/to make a reasonable, thought-out decision that (go figure) led me back to exactly where I needed to be and got us home about 20 minutes later. Also interesting that it didn't fully occur to me the extent to which I was dragging others along into my madness until we'd pulled into the driveway only to have both children respond with loud, relieved whoops and high-fives. Seriously. Here's me thinking "Well, at least we had a little adventure!" And the two of them are wondering if they'll ever see their stuffies again and where the next meal might be coming from...! I have no idea why they keep me around.

It's not that I forgot mother's day...

I had a really great mother's Day actually. I got a cool drawn card and a little book in Spanish with a colorful scroll attached. Then we went to Santa Cruz for the week-end which was stellar... Plus, how cool is it that The Wife got all "certified" before this glorious day so she could legally engage in the fete-ing activities! I think I've just been in my head so much about all of this "what does it mean that I'm once again 'sharing out a kid'/now that the kids are basically grown-ups what's this whole 'mother' thing even still really about/what sort of processing needs to accompany the decision to intentionally remove one of the kids from her other set of moms on this day of all days!" (even though i totally gave her back! you know, eventually....)

I dunno. I think I've been thinking so much about parenting and Moms and shifting situations that this particular round of happy-happy-joy-joy just sort of snuck up on me. I am happy though. I loved the day and I loved the time spent with the sweeties that are my peeps and I'm thrilled I get to have an opportunity to reflect upon how very (very) lucky I am to be mom to these great kids at least once every single year..... So, i guess what I'm saying is, Happy Mother's Day ya'all! I love each and every one of you (more if you have babies but I guess I have some love for the currently childless among you as well....) Hope the respective days were awesome. Peace Up!

Sometimes a cigar...

The Wife was telling me about a dream she had last night featuring me, her Ex, a bed and disturbing lack of pants. I'll not go into the details (without explicit written approval from all aforementioned parties) but suffice to say outcome = I win! She also brought home some awfully cute board shorts from the old Navy Store which are hella cute and which I am excited to see alot more of as the months roll on, heh, heh, heh... eh hem. sorry. moving on.

In other news, got this link from Mr. Travelin' Man who is one of the remaining few readers out there who is still actively attempting to pry reasonable, nuanced, political commentary out from between the lines of these posts -- wherein Latoya Peterson curates some dialogue around Cultural Appropriation, namely "Views on Global Hip Hop Culture".... I'm assuming this forward is tied to my earlier mocking of a certain Texan someone who has suddenly decided he's much more "down" than he ever was previously and while i do appreciate the thrust back into actual scholarly consideration, I would still like to put out there that this in no way changes my earlier designation of aforementioned CS's new found personae as "straight up silly!"

K. Having gotten that off my chest... The article and accompanying comments were actually pretty interesting. i'm someone who has done quite a bit of thinking/conversing/arguing around what is "o.k" for a person or a group of persons to lay claim to -- especially since my outsides tend to get me grouped with a set of people who really find me and my world view laughable at best (insulting after we've had a few drinks) so discovering that the thinking around this has shifted, it seems, from "you are your color! Deal with it." to "Ask yourself a series of questions -- is it hurting the group of people from the originating culture? How are these people being damaged or insulted or disrespected or taken away from, and to what extent? Are there people who view it as appropriation versus borrowing a minority opinion, or a majority opinion? And what is the level of power disparity between the originating culture and the appropriating/borrowing culture... the power disparity that determines the relative attention being paid to people who complain?" makes me pretty happy. Because, as I hope we all know by now, my favorite shade is grey.

Interestingly also, that longer quote came from a person who writes her own blog called: Upside down adoption which ALSO happens to be something I'm acutely interested in so, win-win all around i think! Thanks, MTM! :-)

Does anyone else think...?

That Ira Glass is single-handedly enabling every Jewish male over the age of 30 to get laid as often as they like and by whomever they wish?







{sigh} I, for one, think he is straight up Dreamy and i don't care who knows it! ;-)

how many "yos" before you're "Street" (yo')?

K. So, I have this friend who is hanging around with someone who is apparently quite a bit more OG than he is and I have to say, i've noticed (since they've been hangin') a precipitous rise in the amount of street slang slipping into our conversations. Consider the following:

Me: hey you.
New Ole Gangstah Dawg: S'up.
Me: S'up?
NOGD: S'up.
Me: uh, not a lot. You?
NOGD: Not much... hey yo...
Me: Yo?!
NOGD: you, Hey. i wanted to tell you-
Me: "Yo"??!
NOGD: "Yo! yeah, what's wrong with yo?
Me: Since when are you a yo-er?
NOGD: a yo-er? I'm not a yo-er!
Me: You "yoed"
NOGD: What??
Me: Just now. You "yo"ed
NOGD: yeah well, whatever, listen, me an "G"-
Me: "G"??!
NOGD: G. My dawg.
Me: Your dog. Who, Paco?
NOGD: Yeah.
Me: Wouldn't he be "P"... ha. GDP! get it, like the economy! is he "going down fast"???
NOGD: Listen would you shut up for a minute and let me tell you
Me: uh, sure. go head hommie, have it! ... yo.
NOGD: I hate you.

{snicker} and yet, i do so love the children so very much!

It's gettin' hot in here...!

o.K. there is a growing list of why exactly i think The Wife's BFF is one of the coolest girls ever; rather than jot those items down, however, i would just like to point folks to this video illustration to demonstrate how completely she understands *my* entertainment needs!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOHHBAkNL-E

Dammit!

As many of you know I was jsut looking for the next big something to do with my life and I'd finally settled on writing a bestselling murder-in-the-art/park ranger-world novel/expose when I happen upon this:

"Jill Breck was just doing her job as a river guide when she saved the life of Lane Faroe, son of two of St. Kilda's consulting premier operators. But when her great aunt dies in a suspicious fire, a dozen old family paintings kick over a hornet's nest in the closed world of the Western art circuit, and her own life is threatened, she must call in a favor. Zach Balfour works part-time as a consultant for St. Kilda. His expertise is gathering and analyzing information from unlikely and often dangerous sources; in a pinch, he'll act as a bodyguard, though being bullet catcher isn't his preferred way to spend time. While trying to keep Jill alive, Zach learns again what he already knew: collectors can be a strange, savagely competitive bunch. Some of them will do anything to stay at the top of their chosen field including kill.While pursuing the truth of the paintings she has always loved, Jill discovers that the perils of running wild rivers fade next to the hidden dangers in the high-stakes game of art collecting.From the ordinary dust of the Breck homestead cabin to the extraordinary multi-million dollar Western art circuit, Zach and Jill race to stay alive despite the claims and counter-claims, the threats and lies, and the death that waits inside the blue smoke of salesmanship and the brutal truth of murder."

Crap. Now i need a new idea....!

There I go again...

Handing out kids without even a cursory reference check! So, Yay! The Spark has been officially paper-bound to The Wife via the family services branch of the Alameda County Court and we are all quite happy about it. I mean, sure I have some me-centric concerns along the lines of "Wait! I'm giving up some rights to be sole dictator of an otherwise free person's path through life, AGAIN????" but then I remember that in this case I'm really just the conduit through which The Wife and The Spark finally found each other (and Man o man are those two meant to be together!) so really there's nothing left to do except get on with dotting the "i"s, etc. So. I's are dotted. Ts are crossed. God/the judge has deemed The Wife fit (not to be confused with The Wii Fit!) et viola! She is legally parental! I did tell the Spark that she wasn't probably going to get adopted any more in this lifetime but you never know. Rules are lax these days what with the "homosexual agenda" and there may come a day when just about any interested passer-by will be allowed to put in a bid but for now i think we're done. :-)

On a side note, I LOVE my mechanic. My truck's alternator died a spectacular death initially ON the train tracks near my house but propelled by my freaked-outness down the opposite slope to finally end up in a nice, safe parking lot nearby awaiting a tow. I called AAA who arrived and told me i was out of luck battery-wise but who then called a tow-truck. The tow truck towed me to my Mechanic (Mike) who graciously accepted the impromptu addition of a non-running ford, fiddled around with some things, fixed some things then returned it to me running and happy for a "very good" price in less than an hour! Seriously. I heart Mike!

Happy Birthday Baby Big Girl!!!!

You are amazing and my Spark and I am forever grateful you were allowed to become part of our family!! Happy being 6! Now if you could stop time right now/stop getting older and correspondingly less dependent on me, that would be great! ;-)

Stop me...!

before i bid again! O.K. so I just bought five bathing suits. I did not intend to buy five bathing suits. I intended to buy one. this one. But it cost $45.00 so then I thought, "hmmmmm. i wonder if I can find a cute bathing suit somewhere else that's not as expensive." So I went on eBay and I found a whole bunch of cute suits ranging from this:



to this:



to this:



All of which, IMHO, are a-dorable AND all of which are individually priced lower (in some cases MUCH lower) than the original "cute" suite so, I being a gal of action, went ahead and bid on all of them thinking "I'll just bid on all of these since I'd be happy with any one of them so I'll be set no matter which i get!" Only to discover today, upon logging into my personal e-mail account that I am now apparently the proud owner of ALL of them (plus two others, also very cute albeit completely, at this point superfluous.)

Granted, once the math is said and done, all five suits plus shipping still only come out to about $12.00 more than I would have spent on the one original suit but still. It all seems a little wasteful somehow...