in a MUCH better mood now, thanks for asking! Big party week-end coming up -- happpy B-days to the way-beyond-cool Mrs. A Bee and, of course, all the best coming year's wishes imaginable for my own stellar little Boo!

blah!

I'm sick. I'm sick and i'm overwhelmed and I keep having all these wierd freaked out single parent dreams like last night wherein my brain considered whether or not, if I were to die in my sleep, there were enough random baggies of cheerios lying around the house to make it so that Spark would have something to live on until someone noticed something was wrong and came looking for her. Or what if I was really sick and couldn't move who'd take care of Spark then? I mean, my awake brain knows that I have people in my life who would be more than happy to assist in these scenarios and that these sorts of things aren't really issues I should be worrying about but seriously the last three nights have been all about this kind of crap. {sigh} Boo is sick too. I hope Spark doesn't get it next. Anyway, I'm going back to bed now.

When I was a senior in high school, my drama class paired up with the chorus department to do Hair -- i couldn't sing so they made me a part of the ensemble that sang this song:


"White boys are so pretty
Skin as smooth as milk
White boys are so pretty
Hair like Chinese silk

White boys give me goose bumps
White boys give me chills
When they touch my shoulder
That's the touch that kills

Well, my momma calls 'em lilies
I call 'em Piccadillies
My daddy warns me stay away
I say come on out and play

White boys are so groovy
White boys are so tough
Every time that they're near me
I just can't get enough

White boys are so pretty
White boys are so sweet
White boys drive me crazy
Drive me indiscreet

White boys are so sexy
Legs so long and lean
Love those sprayed-on trousers
Love the love machine

My brother calls 'em rubble
That's my kind of trouble
My daddy warns me "no no no"
But I say "White boys go go go"

White boys are so lovely
Beautiful as girls
I love to run my fingers
And toes through all their curls

Give me a tall
A lean
A sexy
A sweet
A pretty
A juicy
White boy

Black boys!
White boys!
Black boys!
White boys!"


Now, twenty years later, a self-actualized adult with daughters of my own, I can only ask in amazed wonder -- What the HELL were they thinking??!

22 hours of little to no sleep...

and counting.

My life, at this point, sucks.

I swear i'm trying to be appropriate...!

Honest! Can I help it if my cutie vendor support types aren't cooperating??! Sheesh. Anyway. Vendor Guy was here all day yesterday driving me crazy with his "Just a phone call away!" comments and his casual touching of various of my body parts -- then he has the audacity to call me last night to "give me an update"... How the hell is that not gonna devolve into naughty talk???? Eh hem. Anyways... I bring all this up because I just saw pictures of myself being inappropriate with a whole OTHER set of vendors whilst I was in the midst of signing up for my sexual harrassment refresher course and it got me thinking "Hmmmm. i wonder if there's some sort of policy on this that i should know about?" Ah well.

I'm up tomorrow morning at 5am testing the hardware changes we're working on right now so the odds are kind of good that i won't spend too much time obsessing about anyone in particular. Can I just say: boys + me = trouble and the sooner I figure that out the better for everyone involved!

We have the young Stevie Nicks here with us tonight. Such a beautiful kid. Seriously, it's borderline insane how rock star that kid looks. Plus, she can actually sing. She was serenaded us in the car -- kid is six years old and she's belting out tunes she made up about the alphabet with flourish and crescendo 'n sheet! Thank the sweet heavens above she's now got a mom who's not about to let the forces that be take any kind of advantage of her little girl because mark my words, at multiple points in this little lady's life she's gonna get approached by people wanting to hand her a one-way ticket to stardom...!

In other news, the BBQ Baby Girl is having her B-day party tomorrow which is promising to be all kinds of fun and for which I cannot wait!

and lastly IHOEL went ahead and had that triple bypass/intra-species transplant surgery she'd been considering for the last coupla years and I am relieved and delighted to be able to announce that it looks like the Baboon heart is going to take and that she'll be released from the hospital in a matter of months! JK. I am glad steps are being taken though to relive some of the not so great goings on with my muchly missed IHOEL. If there's anything I can do to assist convalescence (short of whipping up some sort of soup) do let me know and I will get right on it!

I'm tired right now cause I went out with some vendor types last night to smooze the night away (one of whom was the flirty lass from the July trade show!) -- not alot to report (got french kissed by the wrong one) but I did want to say that the place we went for food; some Vietnamese place in the Mission -- was GREAT! I know! I'm as shocked as you people are but really, the shaken beef was to - die - for! K. {yawn} Nuff of that noise. I'm off to put the kiddies to bed so I can put myself to bed so I am less cranky tomorrow. Ciao...

I have seen the future...

and it is my babysitter.

So, yesterday a truck chose to become "engulfed in flames" on the Bay Bridge translating into more than a few unpleasant things in my world -- the most annoying of them was the complete and total inability to get to my toddler (which was disconcerting as well since this is the first time I've ever not been able to physically get to my kid. It wasn't panic inducing, or anything, because I knew she was safe at her daycare -- just frustrating knowing that I was massively inconveniencing them and that I would end up having to pay upwards of thrirteen thousand dollars in late fees) but after several panic-ey type phone calls I was able to reach her current "while-I'm-in-class" sitter who lives on that side of the Bay and was able to go get her. (Quick thanks re: the amazing luck that it is mine to have that she was cool with that kind of bizarre request when basicaly she's only known us for three weeks and that she had the time and a car!) Anyway, we ended up at Mills picking up the little one and BabySitter was there with her friends and it just struck me all upon a sudden how very young they are. Now I look at my big girl and she's aging years every time a freaking minute goes by and I look at these fresh, earnest, well-scrubbed young people who are in college fer chrissakes and they just seem really really young. So, my question is at what point do they stop "growing up to fast" and start "not being near grown enough?"

There were three of them in this group. The middle one (my KidSitter) seemed alot like my Boo -- aware, calm, smart, plesant and polite but not particularly forthcoming. Her friend was that girl -- the one who likes to interact with adults, in fact feels they're more her equal than the children she has to surround herself with normally, also super young looking but trying to act in a more mature/sophisticated way. Then the last was the cuter, more puppy-like, nice but not super-sure what you're supposed to say when you're pulled into a conversation with some random adult and her two kids. I was looking at these kids and at the ways they interacted with me and i realized that this little group was Boo and her friends not too long from now. And that while that was comforting (because, really, they all seem relatively secure in their own skins -- meaning, i guess, that none of them really expect that the world is going to be screwing them over any time soon) it was also wierd because it is, in some ways COMPLETELY foreign to the environment in which I grew up. These kids are not wary. they are not anxious and they are not in need of "options" -- i'm not saying they don't have problems but they don't have the problems we had growing up. And, it kind of just occurred to me, neither will my Boo. Which is good -- kind of what I guess we're all working toward but which also means, there's going to be a point where I will have no idea what's she's up against. God. i hope she keeps talking to me.

In other news, i gave Boo the "Who's cuter" test (aka "Is preference genetically determined") by flashing pictures of these two popular cuties:




and





She, of course, being ma ba-bee, unhesitatingly chose Chad proving beyond a shadow of a doubt (at least until Spark is old enough to indulge her Mommy's weirdness) that this kind of stuff is innate. For the record, we both also agreed that Bow Wow




is just soooo much cuter/looks like he'd be more fun to play with than Lil Romeo

So, it's like cyst is it??!

I have a ganglion cyst on my middle figer, right hand. I'm going to have it sliced out and because I have to drive to pick up the sprouts later in the day I'm going to have it done using local anesthetic. No big deal, right? I mean can't be any worse than childbirth... Oi.

I am a dyke!

I need to just put it out there that I am a big ole dyke. And not one of those "because women are objectively beautiful" types either, I am not interested in admiring a woman's "beauty" -- I want to get into her pants pure and simple. So then, having firmly established my unswerving/staunch lesbianicness in everybody's mind, I would now like to consider for a moment the rapidly expanding list of BOYS for whom I feel melty. eh hem...:

New York Guy - sure he's messed up but he's got a voice like hot honey and every time he smiles it makes my knees buckle. Plus he's got a convertible that he likes driving almost as much as I like riding so you know that's a draw...

Pretty Boy - tragic, sweet as hell, centered and soooo deserving of a nice normal girlfriend. I'm just glad he's letting me sub until she shows up!

Dirty Boy - he's not here anymore so I can go ahead and admit that I kind of like being with him; it's like rolling around in a big ole pile of autumn leaves; fun, kind of filthy, in the end sorta itchy and you really need a shower after.

Vendor Guy - another New Yorker (this one by way of Clevland!) who's here ostensibly to help up get our systems "up to speed" but whom I can't help sort of sparring with in a very borderline flirty/insulting/you know you love it kind of way. He's got this huge scar on the side of his face which plus the accent makes him very Harrison Frod action type guy which, granted is discusting but, still kind of sexy.

and let's not forget

the Crush - used to be a girl now identifying as a boy; See! even when I try I still somehow end up on the hetero side of things!

Goddamn bridge!

You wanna know how long we sat in traffic this morning waiting to get on the damn bridge before giving up, turning around and taking BART/Muni to get my baby to school??? Too long, that's how long! So, anyway. I'm actually super busy here at work trying to cover my job and my ex-web developer's job whilst I train her replacement so I REALLY don't have time to sit here jabbering away to you people, but... interesting development in that I've just found out that guy who I think is cute is going to be at an event I'm going to on Sat. so now I have to figure out how to somehow work "sexy and alluring" into "outfit one wears to baptism" -- i'll keep you posted on that one. In other news, the Fox has decided to overheat at a moment's notice but it's all good. Fixing will happen. the world will continue on. {sigh} O.K. i'm actually really going to get back to work now. (I've just become enormously tired but it'll be over soon. Wait. No, it won't! Hmmmm...)

Life in nutshell:

Outing with Pretty Boy to Point Reyes = splendid! His ex-chick really messed him up but he's a big ole trooper and a wonderful, worthwhile person, and soooo unbelievably much more than ole EC will ever deserve (not too mention being on his way to Tahiti where he will go sailing with buddies for the next fourteen days!) plus he's got me to help him out with the more...eh...hem... physical gratification stuff so, really, honestly, I'm thinking he'll be aight!

Kids = great! Everyone is in shipshop shape and bein amusing as all get out. i love my babies. they are the best.

Work = so-so. Bad turning to good but we're still somewhere in the middle.

School = fabulous. Spark-sitter is wonderful. Spark seems very content to be left with her, profs are brillant, papers are getting written (sort of)

All-in-all, sum total i think that if I could just get a little sleep i'd be good to go!

Black folks "loot", white folks "find things"...

I'm sure some of you have already seen this:

http://www.salon.com/news/feature/2005/09/01/photo_controversy/index.html

but I'm fascinated by the "controversy" as well as by the immediacy of the response. (Although I do note that of the two, yahoo pulled the picture showing the lighter folks...)I mean, when in our recent history have questionable representations of marginalized people been able to be so quickly and thoroughly discovered, discussed, rallied around and dispatched...? Interesting.

if I may...

I would just like to take a moment to be really very happy and content and satisfied right now with my life. I love my class -- I feel like I'm not just learning in it but that I'm actually refining concepts that I can apply to my real-world settings and which help me structure my ideas around not just what I think I think but around why it is that i might think it thus providing both strategic arguments to support my more grandiose theories AND validation in that other people think they're kind of grand too. Plus my teacher is HOT and I LOVE her (I may or may not have mentioned that I thought I was taking this class taught by a Prof who I like very much but whom I'm not particularly stimulated by only to find that my beautiful, delightful, thought-provoking, clarity-creating Professor K. is co-teaching...!)

Then too, we had our first night with the new Toddler-sitter watching the Spark whilst I'm in class which was by all accounts a complete success (e.g. no crying upon hand-off, happy smiles upon re-aquainting, reports of spinning in circles until dizziness ensued and bare toes getting tickled and lots of different foods getting eaten)!

And lastly, I think I may have found a fabulous replacement for my departing fabulous assistant at work -- all in all not a bad Wed. at all (and I haven't even gotten to the part where me and Pretty Boy are planning a drive out to Point Reyes to "relax" and hang sans babees -- thank you Bees! -- this week-end)! {sigh} My cup. Truly it runeth...

What is it about New Yorkers???

Jeeze. i don't know what kind of aftershave they're collective using over there in the not so distantly settled east but man alive, i sure do have some serious reactions to it! Eh, hem, anyways, had new vendor/support person/team come out to "assess our systems" and while I'd spoken to the cranky one on the phone and sort of gotten the sense that he's that particular kind of crotechy that kind of makes me want to pin em down and force a smile I had no idea he was going to be so very... well... so very manly and blustery and big, cranky bear guy who's already annoyed with us (because we have dumb hardware configurations plus the previous IT boss-lady treated him and his company like CRAP) but still couldn't keep himself from succumbing to our (admittedly strange) appeal. {smile} Gosh. I think I may be developing a whole other "type" preference now that I'm entering my autumnal years (plus it's kinda that time of the month. No, not THAT time, the other time...) mmmmm. right. sorry. moving on.

---

So, came this close to paying 54.00 freaking dollars for stockings today at Macy's. I have been looking to replace this particular pair of "Town Taupe" opaque stockings which as anyone who knows these things knows you can only do in the summer because that's when the autumn collections are out/when opaque is "in" so off I went to the Grandmother of all seasonal shopping experience centers where they did not have my color ("last season. Right now we're doing variations on flesh-tone net") so I combed the racks and instead selected something that was kind of close, a little sheer but could work, I thought, I'll just buy it and take it home and see ::flipping package over to glace at tiny circle with price:: I mean seriously, even if it doesn't work $5.00 isn't going to kill me -- wander over to register then attempt to disguise horror as perky salesperson remarks "Alrighty, $54.95. Will that be ATM or credit?" My response was to squint at the package as if suddenly, in the light, the tone was off, grab out the old pair of tights and state "You know what? These look alot more sheer than I thought. [perky salesgirl removes them from package and holds them up helpfully] Ah, yes. Much too sheer. Sorry. Bye now!" ::rushes from shop still in shock that anyone could justify paying more for stockings than for a week's worth of groceries.:: And that was my day.

and now it's Monday...

hello. in a weird mood right now and not sure why. Week-end was nice. weird in a clingy mildly stressful way (nothing serious just had a not very happy 2.5 year old who may or may not have been getting sick and who has two enormous canker sores right in the middle of her tongue making pretty much anything involving chewing hurt like hell/provoking screaming/annoying her mom who was doing her best to "understand" and still at the same time was being driven INSANE -- anyway, got the definite impression that I/my little family would have been better served all round if we'd just kind of stayed in the house the whole time but at the same time, but I can't honestly say that that would have "worked" any better since pretty much regardless where we were her poor little mouth would still be hurting.... anyways. Saw the Bee kids on Sunday which was grand! Really honestly, too adorable! one of the littler ones wasn't feeling so great though so that was sad. Little kids being under the weather is probably one of the saddest things ever. they're just so tiny and miserable and there's nothing you can do except stand there trying to force them to eat/drink something "cherry-flavored" that they have NO interest in... Travelin' Man was on the scene though (thank God!) and so was able to do most of the "dirty work" re: comforting whilst the rest of us made tiny pandas out of play doh. Good times.

Quick shout out to IHOEL who's starting (maybe already started...?) her new job today. It pretty much goes without saying that this is a slam dunk but cool that some sleeves are finally getting a chance to rolled up as it were... Good luck, have fun -- You rock and everyone there will soon know it!

Plus, kudos to my other Buddy Bee who is finally at the end of her "what other hoops do I have to jump through just so you'll let me basically raise your children" credential program and who will be entering her very own (well, almost) classroom today I think! You go girl! Try not to give up before my kid gets to your school...!

Then little shout to Boo the third grader and her new cohort. I know this will be the best third grade year ever so I'm not even going to wish you luck. I will wish you fun though, and good times. You're amazing, I love you, and if you insist on continuing to grow/get older I may have to call in the authorities...

This is how I torture myself...

First, I take a relatively general invitation personally and decide to go see my Wanna-be-sooooo-not-interested-in-me-Sweetie do some drummin. Upon arrival at the admittedly very cool event I then get in line behind the fifty thousand or so OTHER friends who also want to say "hi"/hug/chat with my WBSNIIMS as well as get to watch his on-going concern/interaction with his most recent ex. From all of this comes one quick hug, a beautifully sweet smile and total ignoring for the remainder of the gig. Nice. Pathetic=me. Seriously, I really need to get myself to a qualified therapist, fast!

---

Boo school starts school on Monday! She apparently has "the good teacher" -- this from a parent of one of the many children who is delighted that the Boo-meister is in the same class with thier kid. I have no idea who aforementioned teacher is but I'm glad she comes highly recommended. They have a new principal this year too who I hear is AWESOME. So, then, seems as though the world is all set in terms of third-grade-age.

Speaking of cool Boo stuff, she had a show yesterday wherein she demonstrated an amazing flying karate kick AND a backbend walk-over (neither of which things she could do previous to this week!) Needless to say, I was pretty shockingly impressed by the whole thing.

---

On a final note: my fabulous assistant is leaving me to go make fifty times more money so if anyone knows anyone who might want to do web development at the foremost purveyor of adult merchandise, send them here (but if they want to be overworked,underappreciated and barely paid send em to me!)

Sad.

My DB just told me that he and the "missus" are moving to El Reno. What the hell? Where the heck is that??? Is it too much to ask that my freaking friends NOT keep moving the hell away to places I would never in a ba-zillion years ever consider visiting were it not for thier newly arrived presence??? I mean, jeezus people, can't you all see that I'm delicate right now. Anyway, I just got all teary. i'll be fine in a minute. move along folks, nothing to see...

(Although, apparently they've got quite the line up "of festivals and activities" out there in the hinterlands...)

School starts for me tonight!

Whoo Hoo!

For Bleeding Fuck's Sake!

Could one thing POSSIBLY not go stupidly, annoyingly wrong today? Seriously!

Ah, life...

WHY am I having seriously inappropriate thoughts/dreams/etc. about a friend of mine???? I mean, once or twice during the course of our long-lived pal-ship, sure, but three nights in a row? that's just nas-tey! Anyways...

Conversation with Boo this morning wherein I ruminate on subliminal racism and Boo responds by cracking me up:

Me:So...[reflecting on the fact that Angelina Ballerina appears to be not only the star of her own show/series of books/etc. but also the only white mouse in her not so small town] what color is Angelina's mom?
Boo: Light brown.
Me: What color's her dad?
Boo: Dark brown.
Me:Is Angelina adopted?
Boo:[Laughs] I don't know! that's funny though.
Me:I'm just saying, because it looks like she's the only white mouse in the whole town.
Boo:her [ballet] teacher is white.
Me:But her parents are brown. You can't get a white mouse from two brown parents.
Boo:Hm.
Boo:maybe it's a perk!
Me:[snort - coffee flies out nose]Ha!
Boo:[laughs]Eeeewwwww!

Although, having done some research, I've since turned up the fact that Mr. Mouseling (aka: Angelina's dad, Maurice) does in fact have a white mouse for a mom but still, Angelina's being pure white still sort of points to a little hanky-panky between he and "Miss" Lily -- sort of makes you wonder if there's some deep dark secret there; Miss Lily was a prima ballerina in her day, Angelina for some reason loves to dance; everyone knows that prima ballerinas can't have/raise kids, what would that do to their career...? i don't know people, I think there's going to be some sort of cliff hanger in season four where all of this comes out... eh hem. K. So. Understanding that I need to get out more...

Henry the octopus!

I have the Bee children here with me right now -- Boo and Spark are also here so for all intents and purposes I currently am as much of a "draw" as, say, the couch... Anyways --they are here and they are adorable and I ::heart:: them. Before the lovelies showed up our life was all about back-to-school-shopping (!!) for one big ole grown up 3rd grader! Her CP and I are pretty much able to act like friends right now but interestingly enough (or distressingly, however you want to look at it...) at one point Boo (tired and hungry) was not listening to her CP and aformentioned CP says to me "Does she do that with you? Disrespect you like that?" Now this threw me a little. First, actually, no she doesn't but even if she did I don't know that I would call her behavior "disrespectful." I mean she very definitely was being "bad" in that she was continuing to do something her mom had asked her (politely) not to do but disrespectful??? I dunno. Seems to me more like she was just expressing her (granted, wrong) opinion about how she'd like the situation to work. I mean, is it just me? Anyway, it made me think that we've (me and CP) almost never sat down and "discussed" the Boo (I mean we RAVE about her all the time but actually discussing her almost never happens other than trying to figure out a way to address some need she might have expressed or where she goes to camp on a given week) and then too almost never when she's not around... So, I left a mee-suage with the CP asking if she'd like to "go for a coffee" after we drop off our angel for her first day of school so we can discuss. Hopefully some good will come of it/I will not get mad and have to kill her.

---

Other news has to include the fact that the fabulous Miss Tail has "met" someone on one of her school group outtings and I could not be more thrilled! He had better call her/not be a jerk/user/a**hole, though -- I just don't have the time to kill anyone right this instant.