Friday, March 31, 2006

I think this is funny

26 Reasons why men should have a dog instead of a girlfriend/wife:

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
4. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name
5. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
6. A dog's parents never visit.
7. Dogs do not hate their bodies.
8. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
9. Dogs like to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet or desk.
10. Dogs seldom outlive you.
11. Dogs can't talk.
12. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
13. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
14 . Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
15. Another man will seldom steal your dog.
16. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
17. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
18. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
19. A dog won't hold out on you to get a new car
20. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
21. On a car trip, your dog never insists on running the heater!
22. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.
23. When your dog gets old, you can have it put to sleep.
24. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pick-up truck.
25. Dogs are not allowed in Bloomingdale's or Neiman-Marcus.
And, last but not least:
26. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

Can you tell i'm bored...? ("If I died, would you get another dog?" Ha!)
Cruise = 10 days away. I think I may PASS OUT, I'm so excited!

Enough about dating!

So, Boo got kissed the other day. CP got ALL FLIPPED OUT about it. I got a little flipped out about it too but mostly because I was annoyed because the boy in question didn't ask Boo if it was o.k. that he kiss her. He just seized the moment, as it were. For me this is right up there with her other friend (a girl) picking her up all the time when she doesn't want to be picked up or the bigger girls at school who are always patting her/touching her hair because she's little and cute. I see it as a personal space thing as in "Respect my kid's personal space/leave her the hell alone unless she says it's o.k." In CP's opinion, though, this is worse because it's sexual in nature. And that's where i just don't know. I mean it's not like this kid is 16. He's 8. He's had a crush on Boo since kindergarten. All the kids in her class are talking about who "likes" who and who "favors" who (which kills me that they're using a Grandma term. i wonder if they're going to have "special friends" when they get older! But I digress...) If I recall correctly when I was 8 my bestfriend and I physically held a red-headed boy named Daniel down so we could ostensibly "count his freckles" but which ultimately culminated in him getting kissed against his wriggling little will... NOT that I'm saying anyone who feel like it should be allowed to just waltz up and kiss my kid, I guess, i just don't see it as all that different from the aforementioned other types of "unwanted physical contact"... Anyone? Is this just me?

That does it...

the gloves are coming off! How you gonna tell me you're "kinda in the middle of something with someone else" then continue to be all cute and adorable about stuff when we meet for lunch THEN send me a note that says: "So, I've been thinking about this and i think I know someone who'd be great for you!" WTF??! Sure, I get that on some level I need to start learning that "no means NO!" but seriously -- while I acknowledge that it is possible to be torn about whether or not I actually am THE BEST THING that's ever going to happen to you (yes, I am but some people need time to get there) and possibly needing a minute to re-arrange/re-consider whatever "other thing" you've got going, setting me up with your friend?? Why? So, I'll be in your circle and can watch you and your galpal being all snuggley? Who is that fun for? The only best case scenario there is that I decide it's almost as fun to be equally snuggley with the buddy but even THAT (given my track record for respecting boundaries) ensures NOTHING in terms of original crush allieviation. Alright, alright, so sure I did put it out there that there was a certain amount of Owed-ness in terms of meeting my demands (if you're not gonna do it, find me someone who will!) but at this point...? I dunno, it just seems right up there with putting out fires with bourbon...

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Sad, sad, sad...

Allow me if you will, to chronicle the gradual demise of a once fully functioning female.

1) Decide to start "dating" boys
2) Place ad on the List. Begin ending flirtatious conversations conducted in social settings with "So, you should call me..."
3) Date.
4) Realize that "dating" means connecting -- scheduling, meeting, talking, occassionally hugging (although not so much "liking"...) and get stressed/frustrated/bored
5) Decide to just like someone already.
6) Find out he's actually not available.
7) Decide to like someone else.
8) Find out he's COMPLETELY innappropriate for your purposes
9) Decide to like someone else.
10)Find out he, too, is unavailable. But continue "seeing" him anyway because he's cute and funny and whatever... it's not like you have anything else to do with your time.
11)Have a conversation wherein he intimates that it might be likely that he might actually begin to be liking you in a way that might engender more than lunchtime meetings.
12)Respond in a favorable yet still platonic way.
13)Check e-mail, phone, post office daily/hourly/minutely for ANY subsequent correspondence from him. (Nada.)
14)Get depressed
15)Wonder What the HELL??
16){sigh} Reconsider Inappropriate Boy who is at least still in touch...

Sad. It's been awhile since I was straight -- someone tell me, is this how it goes???

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Don't know why exactly...

But, I'm depressed right now. Honestly though, no good reason since everything is the same as it's always been... although, may be exactly the reason everything seems a little sucky. ;-]

Monday, March 27, 2006


Dating sucks. Just putting that out there. Although it did engender a really neat simile all the way out of the sunny shores of Tex-ass.

Me:Dating sucks.
Me:No really. Noone says what they really want so they think you're kidding or something when you say what you really want then they get all weird and sensitive on you.
Me:Or mad.
Angel:hang in there, GirlBaby! First off it'll get easier. Second, if you're gonna find the needle that's bent like you are you have to go through alot of stack...
Me:{giggle}I love you.
Angel:I know. Now tell me what you smell like these days...

Anyway... Week-end was grand! weather was Fab. My favorite family of five celebrated the birthday of the Patriarch and was good enough to invite me so that was fun. Then, yesterday the CP and I got together with the babies over din-din to discuss (eek!) the oldest kid's Middle school prospects for which we will need to be crafting some decisions circa DECEMBER OF THIS YEAR! Which I am not mentally prepared to deal with. At all.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Jeesuz Christ on a cracker, irony sure is ironic sometimes...!

K. So, here I am, going straight. Or at least the straight side of bi. I'm doing o.k., right? I'm talking to boys, I'm having coffee with potential dates of the opposite sex, i'm outing myself to the nearest and dearest in my life just so no one is confused and/or concerned should I appear someday at some hoiday gathering with a human being on my arm who is slightly taller/hairier than perhaps they might be used to seeing -- I'm growing out my nails, wearing eyeshadow, and the bra with the good uplift... I'm doing everything I'm supposed to be doing DAMMIT! Why then has the great God almighty seen fit to suddenly introduce this girl librarian onto my floor at work. Not as a co-worker, oh no, that would be too easy (there is a non-dating co-worker rule remember) but as an assistant working for our partner non-profit.... Insanely cute, seriously intense, passionate about books. Going to be here today and next Friday and maybe for awhile longer who knows.


Wednesday, March 22, 2006

O mi Gawd!

CP knows "Confident Cutie" - one of the first boys I "met" on the List! They work together. She was telling him about the gal she co-parents with and got to thinking "Hmmmm, he's single, she's single... maybe I'll just see what I can arrange!" and pulled up my friendster profile which (natch) he'd already memorized!! Wow. World=freaking small sometimes. (Man, I'm really glad it didn't go any further than e-mail. Can you imagine us actually swapping stories over a mocha and me going on and on about the trials and tribs of shared parenting (!!) In fact, I have to go right now and make sure none of the others is anywhere close to my immediate circle of anything!

Monday, March 20, 2006

This just in...!!!

Well, not "JUST" since the news was left in the comments section of this blog close to a week ago but NEWS TO ME -- Mistah Lovah-Lovah is coming back!!!!! I am so excited I cannot stand myself (realizing of course, that this new development begs the question: "Now who are we going to stay with when we're in LA on the 10th??" but again -- I am willing to graciously overlook any personal put-outness to myself and my chicks in order to unabashedly welcome back with open arms the GodUncle with the mostest, the one, the only (thank God!) Mistah L-L!

Week-end was GRAND!

We had a potluck at the Spark's Daycare which was excellent (I don't know what they do to chicken to make it literally slide off the bone, dip itself in some amazing dripping stuff and actually walk into your mouth but damn... Some fine a** BB-Q at that place. Then off to Boo's class which is going SPLENDIDLY. Finally we ended at a sleep-over type deal with the Rockstar and her mom... all-in-all an impressively full day.

Then, on Sunday i was uber cranky (I'm blaming my hormones because I don't feel like blaming the alcohol -- Ha! KIDDING!!) and the kids were tired/sick of me but within all of that we still managed to salvage a bit of a visit to CP's house (where we watched the second season of the Baby Snatching Dingoes on VHS! Can I just say, "Gansta-Robics"? "Double D Dating Service"?? -- my GOD we were funny once! {sigh} ah well... We ended at home being civil to each other/counting the minutes until bedtime but again, it all sort of ended with kisses and squishy hugs so no real complaints from this corner.

For those of you interested in how the dating is going: the final tally stands at 2 very nice boys who I find very interesting while not exactly "my type" but who I also wouldn't mind being e-mail pals with, 1 child who it kills me to even think about but who I will probably end up in bed with at some point and 1 gentleman who I am attracted to, who I think is attracted to me and who I like writing to but who (inexplicably) has announced that he wants "to get to know each other as friends" before we decide whether or not to jump each other's bones...(!!) I know! Well, actually, I don't but whatever. I guess I can actually see what he's really like before we sleep together but really, on some level it does seem like it's soooo not the best use of the time we have together. :-]

Friday, March 17, 2006


So, whose littlest girl today informed me that she needs a "tootbush" for "class", a request which i thought nothing of until I arrived at her Day Care center and was informed that Yes, in fact, her group will be moving to potty-training and toothbrushing (NO idea how these are related but then again, I am not a professional now am I??) and that she does need to bring a toothbrush, toothpaste and a cup(!!) Wait. Wasn't she 13 months old like THREE seconds ago...?

Monday, March 13, 2006

Other stuff I did today

1)Went and submitted passport applications for/got passport pics taken of me and the baby

2)Ran into really beautiful girl who I used to know/who used be best buddies with the girl who took care of the Boo when she was tiny -- and whose name COMPLETELY escaped me. She remembered mine though. Natch.

3)Had my car battery die/waited for an hour for the nice AAA man to come relace it. (I was lucky actually. It died after I dropped off the babies at their various schools....)

4)Bought my 8-year-old a pair of pants that have the words "blah, blah, blah...!" across the rear pocket

5)Bought the world's prettiest pink shirt for my darling friend Bee.

6)Bought a bagel from a woman who I've not seen in five years and who (also) remembered my name [ed. note: I SUCK]...

7)Consulted with IHOEL re: complete uselessness of cavorting with people who are closer in age to your child than they are to you. (Received some really very good advice which I disregarded almost immediately, and finally...)

8)Made a pact with the devil re: "just one more date with cute friend of DB" which will probably involve karaoke (!!)

Cougars? In Oakland??

Right, so "dating boys" is mostly done and... the only one I'm interested in getting horizontal with is the "baby". Nice. What in the grand holy heavens is wrong with me?

Saturday, March 11, 2006

impromptu visits ROCK!

Yay, Mistah L-L up from the land of the Angels and popping in to see us/watch the Boo be GREAT in her capoeria class! We {heart} you almost as much as we {heart} that sweetie wife of yours. Yay, yay, yay! :-]

Random updates...

o.K. first the exciting stuff -- WHO is taking a cruise with her two beautiful daughters to Baja in approximately 4 weeks???? Um, that's gonna be ME! I don't care what anyone else says about the government -- doing my taxes has always been gut to me! Now, then, what else...

Dating continues to go well(-ish). Meeting third/last cute shy seeming boy on Monday for lunch and I think that's it for awhile. I mean, these guys are all really nice and fun-seeming and everything but I'm just not finding anyone who makes me think it'd be more fun to hang out with them late at night than it would be to, oh, I don't know... SLEEP. Actually, that's not entirely true but it's definitely not turning out to be "soul-mate-ville" out there on The List (Current exception being this one guy who I actually -- against all reason/well most reason -- suddenly decided I like ALOT but who has since informed me that he is otherwise engaged. Ha! figures.) I'll provide some sort of summary of this after I've gone through all the potentials but for now I'm just sort of looking for it to be over. (See, this is why I make a lousy straight girl -- No "stick-to-it-tive-ness!"

The Texans are back together, speaking to me again and seem to be doing fine. Not that I care but sometimes it's nice to know I have a place to stay if I'm ever in... where the hell are you people living?? Austin??? Anyways... glad that got straightened out. Moving on.

Work is good. Our department is getting a hell of alot done (mostly because we're being allowed to do what we want instead of being allowed to say what we want then having everyone nod/ignore the request/get mad when things break. so that's good. I'm tired all the time but I think it's an iron deficiency (Yeah, right.)

My about-to-be-three-year-old just wandered in here to cover my elbow with kisses which is just adorable no matter how you look at it! And wet. But the good kind of wet. Oops! she's off to go watch her sister Go Potty. She's obsessed. Which is good in the grand scheme of things although the tiniest bit disconcerting if you're about to settle in for a nice magazine read and you look up suddenly to find a two foot tall, chocolate baby person staring at you intently with TP in hand waiting for you to freaking finish already so she can "wipe" your knee and handle the flushing duties. Ah. Good times.

And lastly, It would seem that my sweet and wonderful BBQ has decided she needs to be on the opposite side of the country from me for a few weeks. I'm nowhere near o.k. with this but I'm willing to entertain the idea only because she deserves the break. Hope your trip is restful and fun BBQ. I'll jot down all the useless crap I need to tell you and just read you the list when you get back. Plan on a coupla hour session at least...

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Going twice...

Man, there are some really very sweet boys out there. 2nd Date went fine. Cute boy from India by way of Ottawa, Canada... Can i JUST take a moment here to ask what I think is a really very relevant question?

WHY is it that I can have coffee with a boy and have them think "Hmmm. Attractive, funny, smart, etc., etc. I think I'll ask her out again, maybe try to get into her pants." whereas coffee with a girl inevitably ends with her thinking: "Hmmm. Attractive, funny, smart, etc., etc. RUN AWAY!!!!!!!!!"

Sorry. Just needed to get that out there.

in other news

If you're ever on Friendster or MySpace or any of the million other people-finding-people sites and you happen across this 27 year old

Flee! Women and Children, first, GO GO GO! :-]

Ha! O.K. one more from the bunch. Here are my two favorite Texans at their prom:


Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Awwwww! Look who kissed and made up!

{Mwah} I heart you guys and I wish you all the best. (Just promise me you'll stay put -- Angel-honey, MAKE THEM STAY OUT THERE WITH YOU...)
did I mention I have a paper due on Thursday and I have not yet read the book...?

One down...

Date with sweet shy boy (SSB) was had. Although, I do have to, in all fairness, point out that,really, he's not all that shy, just more unassuming. Very nice get-together (also very short -- I had a meeting run long and so had to rush to the appointed place and arrived well after the appointed time) very funny (we've been writing back and forth and I have to say, Dude is on point with the witty rejoinder!) Not exactly "my type" -- if you line up the boys I've been with he's a little shorter, a little rounder, quite a bit less hair -- but still really adorable. Beautiful blue eyes, great smile. I like him. We had a long discussion re the parameters of this connection and he seemed "down"... I think he would slot in nicely with some of the other players in terms of rounding out my ability to fulfill my on-going needs for different kinds of connection. That is if he wants to. It seems like he's agreeable but it also seems like I have no idea how to pick people who are able to like you a whole lot and at the same time not have that translate into having you a whole lot... We'll see though. Maybe this time's a charm...

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Going straight = not all it's cracked up to be...!

So, I'm trying to do this straight girl thing, right but sheesh! I'm barely out of the chute and already I'm in processing hell re: "Look, Baby, I get that you don't have time... I mean we're all busy but if you can't shake your life up a little I don't see how this is going to happen!" and "So, you say you want a part-time boyfriend but what it really sounds like you want is someone you can call and hook up with whenever *you* have time...! [ed. note - Uh. YEAH. Pretty much verbatim what I wrote in the ad but let's not dwell on that right this second...] And this is with people I haven't even SEEN yet! Christ on a cracker, what is it with boys?? Speaking of which, NYG escorted his lovely daughter, the RockStar to the Boo's All-Big-Kid-Meet-the-Rats-Party (which, BTW,just ended three minutes ago. FYI: an FAN-tastic time was had by all. Actually, it's pretty funny, the rats themselves are POOPED. I don't think they've had that much attention since ... well, since EVER. They're all sleepy in the cage. Big Cat is all played out too. He's asleep on the couch. V. cute.) NYG and I went to go get the pizza and pretty much almost immediately he starts in on that whole "So, about me and you..." thing which is cute but which is also based on a slightly faulty line of thinking which goes thusly "I have not called this girl in a while. She is looking hot right now. I remember that I like her. I must now apologize for being a bum and not calling because I REALLY like her and if I really like her then she must really like me meaning she's mad because I didn't call." and the thing is, I'mnot mad. I'm rarely mad. I mean it's nice when you do call. Nicer if I can see you anytime around the call but no worries. The odds are REALLY good that if I'm not calling you it's because I've got other things to think about. Again. Let me just say. Boys are wierd. NYG = cute though. And sweet. Anyways... so, the ad. the ad was placed. Responses were received. No penis shots although more than a few guys in front of cars/guys on motorcycles. My favorite was from "luv4currency": "YOU'LL DO> SEND BETTER PIC AND WE CAN DIALOG." Nice. In with the other "promising" responses I also got one super fun sounding way too confident cutie, two nice seeming shy types who "never answer these things" and one (hand-to-god) friend of DB. Confident Cutie and I actually had sort of a falling out (well, I had sort of a falling out with him) because he started getting a all demandey on me and it made me flash back to previous relationship trauma so I kind of think that's not gonna end up going anywhere (at least not anywhere good!); Shy Boy #1 and I are meeting on Tuesday for coffee/to check out each other to see if we feel like kissing and DB2 and I (I KNOW!) are supposed to chat on Wed. but honestly, that too is really seeming stupid in the same way letting the original Brat Pack into the house seemed really dumb so I may just bail. Honestly, it's not like I've got a ton of time to fill so it's not like I couldn't make do with one or two (or three) nice, willing, cute, relatively non-damaged boys provided I can find some who are good with the not suddenly needing to order me around/start getting possessive/demandey on me thing. {sigh}