Monday, May 31, 2004

Kindness of strangers...

Attempted laundry today with the kids in tow and realized how very quickly the simplest things can become a freaking ordeal. i also learned how remarkably sweet total strangers can be for no reason other than because they feel like being sweet. Trust me. It wasn't like they were trying to get into my pants or anything. I had kid drool all over me and was wearing my "wash-day" outfit... Also, I'm not surper sure I'll ever be bathing again so it's not like there was even an olefactory incentive there!

I am doing two things right now. I am composing an post and I am also watching The Collected No Doubt Videos. I am doing both of these things sitting at my desk in my room. There are many reasons why this whole situation thrills me to no end but the top five are as follows:

1) Travelin' Man lent me this super nifty DVD player as well as bought me this cool DVD featuring the aforementioned videos. TM rocks. hard.

2) Whilst my computing area was established via my "desktop" PC I rarely (read "never") used it just for the fun of it. Boo played on it quite a bit but it wasn't easily hooked up to any sort of internet access source so mainly it was all about typing papers and working on stuff I copied onto a disk from work and brought home. Since getting a work laptop the only time the Pink Monstrosity was called into play was when Boo wanted to make stuff using KidPix. I've since shipped PM off to my mom in NM (big Brother just set it up for her. Interestingly enough he's the best kid now cause he set the thing up. Me? I just shipped it! Whatever. It's not like I've only got the one mom -- wait... ;-]) Anyway! Long story short, I got a new laptop, wireless DSL and a relatively clean work area on the world's coolest drop leaf desk. My computing life right now is sweet.

3) Baby is asleep. My God, can I just say two kids is exhausting. I'm not going to go there with the "careful what you ask for" blah, blah, blah because I'm the luckiest human being on the planet and this luck is best illustrated by taking a cool appraising glance at the stuff in my life that is exactly as I requested it... I'm just tired is all and glad Sparkle takes the occassional nap so I can stop chasing her around...

4) Boo is better. She was sick yesterday. Throwing up. Miserable on the couch all day. 102.5 fever. I called the advice nurse at Children's who scared the HELL out of me -- "Sounds like she has a stomach virus. Could last up to 48 hours. Vomitting will probably be followed by diarrhea which could last for up to five days. Call us back when her temp hits 104. Other than that just keep her comfortable and hydrated." WTF??! Anyway, she stopped vomitting mid-day and her temp never went higher than 102. No diarrhea either. She was MUCH better this morning. Ergo, my world=great.

5) La, la, la! I get to see my Pretend Girlfriend tomorrow. I haven't seen her in forever and I had just decided I needed to stop acting silly vis a vis her adorableness when (ta-da!) I went to see my BBQ who got me all stirred up again. So, we're pretty much back at square "stupid" -- ah well. There are no doubt worse people to have crushes on. (In fact... I think I've already cycled through most of them!)

So, there you have it. I'm happy right now. Tired but happy. I also have the best friends ever with the cutest hand-me-downs for my Sparkle! I'm telling you, I don't think I could have planned this better if I'd tried!

Friday, May 28, 2004

I'm alive...!

Just barely! Thanks to Travelin' Man for being the absolutely sweetest person ever and spending the better part of sixteen weeks (o.k. more like two hours) getting my DSL installed/set-up once the "user-friendly" directions FAILED ENTIRELY to work. Also thank you for the mondo sweet prezzies and the gratis computer tweaking. What did I do to deserve such phenomenal friends??! Seriously?? Anyway. I'm tired. I'm happy, lucky, more than content with the direction the life has seemingly finally been steered in. I am also scared, tired, slightly blue and really not very sure what THE HELL I was thinking but, whatever. You do what you gotta do right? Sparkle is here full-time permanent-like. Papers have been signed. She's basically ours. There are certain "i"'s that will need to be dotted circa November 26th but for all intents and purposes she be mine. (I'd insert an evil laugh here but I just don't have the energy.) I'm 97% sure I can get her into God's-own-Daycare too where she will not only be tended far better than I ever could but will also be fed three nutritious meals a day and allowed to pull everything she can get her tiny little hands around onto the floor. She'll also learn Spanish. Hmmmm. Wonder if I can get myself in there...

Quick shout out/feel better to Miss Bee who is having all her teeth removed today (why is it exactly that the ones they pull out are the ones we call our wisdom teeth. I just can't help but feel that that's just really somehow ill-advised...) I hope the swelling is minimal and that the rebound time is short. Love to BBQ who was gracious enough to entertain me and Sparkle today and who I adore because she is one of the few people who can get me all giggley in spite of the fact that I'm exhausted, haven't showered in a week and am concentrating on spooning yogurt into a-should-be-sleeping-fusspot of a baby. BBQ, you rock. {sigh} Actually, I think I'm going to stop there. i have a big little one who needs me to go scare away the strange voices in the bedroom and a littler little one who's going to wake up in 2 hours demanding watered down apple juice and a backrub so, I should get some sleep while the sleeping ees gutt. Kisses to all. Huge Thank You to all you sweet beautiful people who are being so happy around my happiness. I've got the best friends ever and I hope I tell you how much you all mean to me at least half as often as I think it!

Monday, May 24, 2004

Hey everyone, quick update, transition happened so now we have Sparkle full-time at our house which is FAB-ulous (and tiring -- how'd I forget this whole babies not sleeping thing? Hmmmmmm.) In a completely unrelated incident the world exploded at work at about the same time so, oddly, while I thought there might be more of a stretch between the time Sparkle arrived at our home and was introduced to work, I've come to find that this was very short indeed. She's here right now whilst we wait for some meeting to start and she's being awfully patient, I must say... Anyways. That's all the news really. As soon as I get DSL up at home I'll start posting again with more frequency. Til then, guess you're just going to have to call for the deets! ;-]

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Luckiest person ever!

Just a quick check in to say that I am the luckiest person EVER! I went down to see my Sparkle today and took her for a walk around Foster Mom's neighborhood.... Can I just say, SUCH a beautiful place to grow up! Quiet, peaceful. Trees and flowers and friendly waving people everywhere... really I don't think I could have asked for a more idyllic setting for my Baby to have spent her first year. FM has been and continues to be GREAT! She's just so committed and caring and cool... I dunno. It's just really amazing to me that she and Sparkle found each other and that she's so good to her babies and that she likes and supports me being her bub's new Mommy... {sniff, wipe eye} it's just all really cool is all! (P.S. I got a Sparkle smile today when I walked in! Have I mentioned she's A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E!!!!)

Monday, May 17, 2004

My house is a mess!

K. So, in an attempt to begin moving things into a fit enough state to host the new kid, I have somehow managed to make my house even more inhabitable (if that's possible) than ever before. {Sigh.} I need to just start throwing things into boxes and letting god sort it all out! Speaking of which, how quickly have I moved from "Resigned to just having the one kid for the rest of our collective lives" to being "slightly annoyed that this lady in San Jose still has my baby!" Now don't get me wrong. i am grateful beyond belief that Foster Mom is such a very stellar person and that little Sparkle has had the benefit of being in one (secure, loving, capable) place all of her short, sweet life but still and all, now that I've met her, now that we've all pretty much decided that she's mine -- I'm just kind of not really seeing what the freakin' hold-up is! See, there I go agian. Of course I see what the hold-up is. the hold-up is that this woman has been raising/bonding with this person for a year and I'm waltzing in and carting her away without even an "if you please." How much do I suck?? A few things I'm realizing:

1) It takes a certified saint to be a foster mom. Don't hand me your stories of blah, blah, foster mom who's "only in it for the money" bullsh*t...! Sparkle's FM has been doing this for fourteen years. She's had more than 275 kids pass through her house. She's 56 years old, currently adopting a three-year-old and STILL is having a hard time with the thought of my Sparkle leaving her. A Saint I tell you!

2) How much must it suck to be adopting a baby where you actually know the birthmother. Especially sucky if she's not such a bad person. Like if you're just waiting around for some teenager to pop so you can wisk her kid away to "a better life." Seriously, I'm just starting to realize how very fortunate me and the Boo are to be able say in no uncertain terms (relatively) that this kid we're getting will most likely benefit from knowing us as much as we'll benefit from having her in our lives.

3) Skin color is a pretty significant trump card. Things I'm realizing the more I talk to Foster Mom include the fact that she, herself, was considering adopting my bub (and probably would have gotten her, too) but held off because she had faith that "God was going to be sending the right person!" Well, she was right about that but the interesting thing here is that the short list of her prerequisites vis a vis "right" are... "African-American." That's it. There were "two ladies" that applied that she fancied herself "dismayed" by (assumingly they were lesbos) and although she did say that "she could have accepted their 'lifestyle' if they'd seemed really interested in Sparkle" she later confided that she was "delighted that they dropped out" because they were both {shhhhhh} "white!" Interesting. Not that I'm complaining since sum total, I win but interesting nontheless. Also interesting to see what she makes of the fact that "God" has sent a big ole dyke who was raised by her white mom and who works in the adult SEX industry! :-] Not that she's going to really know about any of that until after all the appropriate paperwork has been signed but one can't help but think that p'raps her God does work in mysterious ways!

Anyway, Boo met Sparkle yesterday and the two of them got along swimmingly. Another thing I forgot in my hyper-focus on "the attendant issues that will no doubt arise" was that Boo is the world's best kid. After we'd hung out for awhile and were on our way back home I mentioned to Boo that I was the world's luckiest mom becuase I had the world's best kid. She (perfection incarnate) replied "Kids. You have the world's best kids."

Thursday, May 13, 2004


{sniff} Put together the Boo's old crib last night in preparation for Little Miss Sparkle coming to stay and I have just got to say - I love that crib. I have all these memories of my Boo-Beane circa one-year-old clinging to the bars and chewing on the railing... I don't think she ever actually slept there but my goodness it all kind of came rushing back. It's a great crib too. Both sides come down -- one-handed operation too; definitely NOT to be underestimated believe you me!

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Really just beautiful...

Hello folks. Sorry, I've not checked in before this -- I know many of you have been waiting with baited breath to hear how things went with Potential Daughter #2 who shall henceforth be referred to as Sparkle but everything is moving really fast all upon a sudden and I've just been running around trying to catch up.

Meeting with the various Caseworkers went well. Meeting with Foster Mom (who is GREAT, albeit in an uber-Christian sort of way) went great. Meeting with my dear sweet little Sparkle went great! Sum total = She's healthy and fabulous and developmentally on target and I'm pretty happy about all of that. Not to mention the fact that she is a-dor-rable! Second upshot of all of this is that they (Caseworkers et al) are seeing this "placement" happening at THE END OF THE MONTH. That's right folks I need to figure out every single thing that needs to be figured out vis a vis adding a happy, healthy one-year-old to our family in the next week or so. In addition to the fact that, due to her age the game plan is for me to go down there (San Jose) fairly often to participate in her daily care so she can watch her Foster Mom approve of me and which will help the eventual transition but which (like this morning) also sort of translates into a 2 hour drive to give a 20 minute bath. Me = soooo not complaining though. She is great! I am happy! Overwhelmed. Scared. Not just a little freaked out, but HAPPY nonetheless!!

Monday, May 10, 2004

Happy Belated Moms Day!

Hope everyone loved their moms up very much yesterday! If you are amoung those not fortunate enough to have a mom who deserves serious lovin' then I hope you managed to find a suitable replacement and failing that, at least manged to get out and live a little!

Speaking of all of that, my own personal week-end was grand! Sat. was a bit tricky with me and the Boo -- lots of sadness and tears "for no reason" (I feel like there's this huge wave cresting vis a vis new baby sister and Boo's completely freaking-out that I'm expecting and ostensibly "prepared for" that's just so going to suck when it actually happens) but I think we're both just going to have to stick it out and deal with stuff as it comes up and that everything will work itself out. Still tough though.

Sat. eve we attended an gala event to support CP's latest movie which also featured a dashing Miss Tail and a very spiffily cleaned up Mistah Lovah-Lovah so whilst I may have been able to imagine several other ways I could have been spending my Sat. night, this one didn't turn out to be all that taxing. I {heart} my friends!

Sundee morning, hooked up with the CP and we all went and had a very festive Mom's day brekkie, which was nice. After that Travelin' Man and I went to go see Kill Bill 2 which was GREAT (and v. mother's day affirming in it's own twisted way... Favorite Quote from the movie: "Not that it's any of your business but I'm a fuckin' surgeon with a shotgun!") OH! And get this, I'm buying my ticket to go see this "R" rated movie which, correct me if I'm wrong but, I believe means "you must be at least 18 years or older to attend" and the ticket lady asks me for my ID! Seriously! At first I thought it was just a standard thing but then she proceeds to NOT ask TM for his! WTF??? Anyways, the rest of the movie going experience was grand and the sitting in the cafe and chatting and the music shopping after was also grand! Really, I don't think I could have imagined a more fabulously relaxing afternoon! Thanks TM for the stellar companionship! After all of that, I ended my glorious day/eve by hooking up with the ever sweet Pretend Girlfriend who made time in her busy schedule to stop by and spend some quality time on my couch shootin' the sh**, having a beer and jest plain being a very good sport about my obsessive need to stare at her. Seriously, I get that I'm a very lucky girl but sometimes I feel doubly blessed!

Friday, May 07, 2004

Not so great today...

Today we have a headache. Just a titch of a headache -- nothing to stay home over, but an headache nonetheless. The child is not so happy either. Kind of sad and clingy. She was v. unhappy with the idea of my not staying with her while she was in class today. All day. After five years in the managed care/school system my kid actually still thinks on some level that my staying with her in class all day is an option that I just choose not to do. And, I guess she's right. If I really want to analyze it, I guess I could sit with her all day. She comes to my work to hang out with me. Hmmmm. P'raps that's what I'll do. Pick a day and just follow her around. Yeah, that's what I'll do. Now how do I set that kind of thing up?

Anyway, could be accumulated stress (lots of big life-changes coming up for discussion -- baby sister suddenly becoming a realistic possibility, school ending, just getting older in general), could be lack of sleep (we were both kind of tossey and turney last night), could be the fact that we have too damn much to do this week-end (all fun stuff but still stuff that requires doing in a relatively short amount of time), could be anything really. Combine this with the fact that I just "solved" this issue we were having with pricing this morning by suddenly paying attention to something that our Goddess IS chick had been trying to explain to me for close to an hour and which, once I actually heard what she was saying and took a quick glance at, was pretty straightforward. God. I'm suspecting that I will by-and-large be COMPLETELY WORTHLESS today. I sure as hell hope nobody needs anything important....

Thursday, May 06, 2004

Career Day!

Whoo Hoo! just got back from talking to thirty 12 year olds about my "career" as a web designer/artiste. I had fun. Hopefully, they did as well. They were actually all pretty damn adorable (and TALL -- my god, what are they feeding these children??) some of them were completely uninterested but they were all super respectful and nice. Then there were like a handful who were obviously way into it but it was difficult trying to explain the process, the software, how I came to be a web designer and helpful places they could go on-line to learn this stuff -- all in under 10 minutes while, at the same time trying to be engaging. Still and all though, aside from the fact that the tiniest of them still towered over my short little self, I'm really glad I did this. Other speakers included an FBI agent, a Fireman, a Cop, an Account representative for Levi's (Docker's department), a Sushi chef, a hair stylist and a photographer (!!) I know! How'd my silly a** get in there with that lineup?? It was also very adorable that some of the kids who were in my sessions waved to me in the hallway when I was leaving. Yay!

Got the check in from Pretty Boy this morning. About time, too! What with the IPO and everything I was beginning to wonder if he wasn't gonna start frontin' and whatnot -- you know, forgettin' the little people...! But nope. He's just busy datin'/working. Good to hear he's happy/doing well. Getting together may happen at some point next week -- which would be an interesting study in "keeping hands to selves" but we shall see what we shall see. Maybe we can "just be friends" for awhile and see how that goes.... ;-]

Also had lunch with Travelin' Man yesterday which was very much fun. Truly a gem of a person. We're gonna go see something gorey on Sunday so any interim missing of his fabulous self will be short-term.

Aight. Here I am, getting back to work now. See. Here I go.... Working... Now.

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

Victory is mine!

Ha! So, kitten = caught! I scooped her up and carted her scared little self off to the vet last night wherein she will hopefully get all fixed up and duly returned to me this eve none (mostly) the worse for wear. Front neighbor is re-doing the eintire porch area with tongue and groove slats which is just COOL! (I think i have a wood-fetish) ... Let's see. Nothing new to report really. I'm officially "desparate" but that's not really news to anyone. (although, I'm equally attached to my new drama-free celibate lifestyle so it's not so much desparation as it is wanting to get really close to peope I already like. I would not, for instance, welcome with open arms the advances of some random individual who might call out to me on the street, say....) I'm lunching today with the ever-cool Travelin' Man which should be extra nice cause I haven't seen him in a little bit. I was just in a meeting from which I emerged with Chicken Noodle soup which is just cool pretty much anyway you look at it! Heard from Caseworker that Kid 2's Caseworker has assured him that this is not all some cruel joke so meetings will be set up which is also pretty cool. I think that it from me for now though. I'm just kind of happy contented n stuff. Hope ya'all are the same.

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

I want kisses. I want kisses from a grown-up who has been thinking about my lips for awhile and who, while acknowledging that they are useful for a whole variety of acts up to and including spewing witty rejoinders like nobodies bidness, also thinks it would be cool if they stopped yapping long enough to allow for the kind of intense smooching typically reserved for veterans returning from overseas.

Outwitted by a cat

A kitten actually. Do me a favor. Review the following statistics and give me Your odds on who should have emerged victorious vis a vis the match-up last night...

Me: Human. Above average IQ. 36 years on this planet. Backed up by 50 years cat-trap making technology and a can of fresh tuna.

Cat in question: Kitten. Probably about 6 months old. Brain the size of a smallish apple. Plays with bugs.

So, I failed entirely to catch that stupid animal last night (plus it was dark and I was tired {whine}) so I'm sitting out there again tonight hoping to entice aforementioned animal into the nice scary wire house I've set up to imprison it so I can take it to the vet and have it cut apart and sewn back together. hmmmmmmm. I'm beginning to see the rationale for it maybe not wanting to get caught...

Dumb cat.

Monday, May 03, 2004


I got a match!!!! There is a one-year-old in San Jose who is currently slated to BECOME MY LITTLE GIRL (if I don't find out anything extraordinarily scary in her file that is -- seriously WHAT would that have to look like???!) Lalala! Waiting for Caseworker to call me back/set up a "disclosure" hearing....

I'm going to die, I'm so happy!!!!!!!!

eh, hem. Not that anything is set in stone or anything...


Not for the weak!

Hello all! How were our collective weekends? Great! Mine was fabulous as well. Well, kind of. Sat. was great. Sundee morning was fine (we went to pick up a cat trap to try to "collect" this feral kitten who is in need of some fixing and we went to get the trap from the lady who gave us our house kitties and who -- after "mothering" maybe 200 or so cats during her lifetime, STILL goes on and on and on about my charcoal kitty, Igor. I mean, he's a great cat and all but sheesh...! anyways. She's great and nice and Boo loved the fact that our cats have a "Grandma") but then I decided to do a semester's worth of laundry after which I decided to "clean" (aka move piles of crap from one spot in the house to another) which ended with both me and the child very cranky and annoyed with one another. The final straw came after we had spent about twenty minutes arguing about whether or not we should get rid of our computer monitor (CPUs going to my mom and I want to put the laptop in it's place but Boo is, for some reason, inordinately attached to the idea that the monitor must stay. I have no idea what's up with that but anyway.....) then I said "I don't want to talk about it anymore." Then she said "Well, I Do!" which I have NEVER heard come out of her before and which caused me to stare at her "in a mean way" [she says. I think it was more of a "frustrated" way but whatever....] which made her flounce off to her room. When I went in to look at her she started crying and said it "felt like I didn't love her anymore." Which KILLS me so we sat in the orange chair and snuggled a bit while I triend to explain that while I wasn't always going to have patience with her I was always going to love her." to which she replied, snifling, "I wish you had patience too." {sigh} So, that's where we left it. This morning I went in to look at her adorable sleepy self and she woke up and smiled and said "Mommy, I'm glad you were pregnant with me." And I said "Why?" and she said "Because I like my life." {dying!} And, just like that, it all became good again! (She also said, "I'm sorry I was cranky last night." but that was after I gave her a cookie so it probably only half counts. ;-])

In other news, Bendy Girl is of the opinion that I should call her. Conversation as follows:

BG: You should call me.
Chick: Why?
BG: {grin, shrug} Just cause.

Keee-rist! What is it about girls, Man?? Too late though. I have given myself to celibacy and there is a VERY short list of persons for whom I would renounce mine noble pledge. [note to Lyle's people. Certain allowances are, of course, a given. Let him know that he's still free to call me whenever he's in the area.]