Ways I torture myself - Part 1
O.K. so there's a pretty significant list of ways I set myself up to be miserable but this morning pinpointed a specific incident that led to one of those "larger epiphanies" about the world in general so I just thought I'd share. (Yay, you!)
K. So, I wake up every morning by having my radio begin playing this stupid morning show hosted by these oftentimes fairly obnoxious people so that I must immediately wake up and hit the snooze button. When I'm by myself this means I have ten more minutes during which to sleep/consider the various reasons why I pretend I exist/wonder how I'm going to get to work before the show starts again and I must AGAIN hit the snooze button. This can go on pretty much indefinitely. When I have the Boo, she sleeps with me on Thursday nights which means that there is even more of a sense of urgency about waking up and smacking "snooze" Friday mornings since it's pretty much a given that the first thing blaring out of those ernstwhile speakers will be "ass!" or "hairpie" or "fourteen children burned to death yesterday on thier way to school..." So, to recap -- morning show comes on. I hit snooze. Show stays off for ten minutes then comes on again.
When I have the Boo, my mornings are like this:
Wake up, hit snooze, yawn. Stretch. Stare at ADORABLE sleeping angel child snuggled up next to me. Make mental note re: extraordinarily loud snoring in order to torture her later when she is more fully awake and can become adequately annoyed. Get out of incredibly warm bed. Wander into bathroom. Brush teeth. Grimace at hair. Realize all clothing options SUCK. Radio show comes on again. Run into room to push "snooze" button. Choose something relatively clean from clothing pile on floor assuring self that there will be time to re-consider outfit after everything else is sorted out. Go into kitchen. Assemble exact same lunch for Boo (with slight variations due to yogurt/apple availabilty) as I always assemble. Feel guilty. Resolve (again) to stop being such a slacker mom and learn how to put together exciting, nutritious lunches that involve multiple tiny containers and "fun" shapes. Radio show comes on again. Run into room to push "snooze" button. Go into livingroom, put lunch into backpack. Carefully remove, sort and stack fifty thousand memos/papers/fieldtrip slips/cookies sale forms . Resolve to carefully consider each and every one of them at later date. Notice that "things to carefully consider" stack is growing precariously large. Remove anything dated earlier than March 3rd to "recycling bin" (aka garbage can). Sign child's homework. Learn that her first grade class has apparently moved on to studying quantum physics (illustrated using boats and puppies) -- feel good about this while at the same time v. inadequate/afraid. Radio show comes on again. Run into room to push "snooze" button. Go into kid's room. Carefully choose adorable, matching outfit. Go in to wake up world's sweetest sleeping child. Introduce her to outfit. Squelch hurt feelings as she (after considering my selection) gets up, goes into her room and selects a different outfit that is not only several times cuter than what I put together but also manages to be cleaner, hipper, and slightly derivative (but still better) of the outfit I, myself have on. Feel better, though, because we are now "twins!" Sit on toilet feeling completely unnecessary as child brushes teeth, brushes hair, assembles ponytails and wanders off to find "cool" shoes. Radio show comes on again. Run into room to push "snooze" button. Stand there a minute, then realize that instead of pushing snooze I could just turn the volume all the way down. Resolve to do this next time. Check actual time. Realize we are about to be REALLY late. Run around like crazy woman assembling breakfast, finding sweater/jacket, feed cats, collect backpack, bag, PTA thingie asking whether or not you're most in favor of cutting funding for "the Art Center, Capoeira, the Computer Lab or the Science teacher", Radio show comes on again. Run into room to push "snooze" button -- Run out the door.
So. What was this core thing that I realized? This intrinsic, global concept that occured to me on my way across the bridge this morning? I realized that it's not the fact that we sometimes set up faulty patterns/make mistakes that makes us human. It's the fact that we never, ever learn from them/change. Thank you. More on this depressing thought later I'm sure.
In other news, though, kid drew the world's coolest sunset with crayons for me to bring to work today so I'm actually pretty happy right now. :-]