OH! I also played poker with my crew on Wed. night and KICKED ASS!!!!!!!!!! Thank you, thank you very much...! C'mon, did we really think I could actually win a round and not go on and on (and on) about it??!

I think I may start bleeding from the eyes

So, here at my new job it is my joy/curse to see a variety of wannabe products that would like pride of place on our hallowed shelves. Regardless of what your average layman (get it? Lay-man! Heh heh...) might suppose, the buyers here do actually take their jobs seriously and as such there is a need for a space here in the office which we like to call "the reject pile." Two minutes ago, my lovely assistant walked up to my desk and presented me with a product from that alleged pile which I would LOVE to share with you, my readership, but which, sadly is apparently a "demo" version and which I'm just not finding using one of the many fine search engine's out there. In my search for the "Mini Pierced Be-Atch!" however, I did run across these:

http://naughtynovelty.zoovy.com/product/LT113133

http://familyevolutions.com/shopping/?linkpage=indexf2.cfm?Cat=%3Cfont%20color%3DF4F4F7%3E2%3C%2Ffont%3EBaubles

Why, oh why??

Just real quick...

I.LOVE.MY.KID

VM message from my child left last night whilst I was sitting in my public policy class wondering what the hell the point was to doing anything EVER:

Boo: Hi Mommy! I just wanted to say -- gahhack! No, wait, GAHHACK??! That's not what I wanted to say! I was chewing [giggle - then suddenly serious] um... what I wanted tosay was that I miss you and i love you and I ah -ppreciate you coming to school this morning and giving me a kiss and... let's see... that I love you ... wait, I already said that. well I do. K. Well. I'm going to go. kisses, kisses, kisses, mwah!, mwah! mwah! [click]

!!!!! I KNOW!!!

I also love Prof. Ketelle. It's hard to say exactly why I love her -- a close personal friend of mine who knows NOTHING about how I actually am and who will be turning TWELVE in March yet still somehow thinks he's qualified to speak on such issues, posits the theory that I want to be her and, as is my want, I'm translating that into a desire to have her. He is nuts. Prof. K. is cute!

Further on that note, if anyone knows a woman named Karina Moreno who works for the Children's Defense Fund and who can get me a date with her I would be eternally grateful (and there might even be a little cash in it for you as well!!) She is beautiful and brillant and, yes, I do want to be her but I also very much want to DO her so do let me know...

Not dead...

Just seriously overworked. Sorry for the non-posting lately kids. I'm on a criminally insane deadline here at work (for which I have only myself to blame because I think I can do everything in the world that I want to do and because I - am - an - idiot!) and I have big ole poster projects due at school (in addition to fifteen tons of reading so you know I'm getting LOTS of sleep at night -- um... not really... that was kind of a joke) Anyaway, gotta go. Just didn't want anyone to worry about me or anything. :-]

but then there's this:

You Are Sam From "Benny & Joon." You are very talented at physical comedy. People are in awe of your abilities. However, you have many quirks which can either win people over or completely annoy them. But you're a sweetheart through and through, and it's hard not to love you.

Take The Johnny Depp Quiz!



which I think is pretty accurate so...

Rendered stupid

I am 36 years old. I am secure in my adorableness, smart, happily single, primary breadwinner for me, my cats and most of my daughter. I have a great home, a fantastic job and a way with words that dumbfounds 73% of the voting population. Why then is it that upon meeting the shockingly charismatic man that my psychotic aquaintance (mom of kid in Miss Boo's class) is seeing for the second time I am rendered dumb.

Second question. Why is a man who is warm, intelligent, Italian, committed to his daughter and obviously enamoured with children of all stripes not too mention insanely attractive dating a crazy person? That's it really. My musing for the day. Why am I such an idiot loser that all I can think to say to the beautiful man smiling at me and warmly pressing my hand between the two of his is: "Nice to meet you... [then, realizing we've met before and engaged in an extended conversation] uh... AGAIN!" Dur...! What is wrong with me?

there.is.a.god. link

And the Award goes to....!

That's right folks, the awards season is upon us and in the spirit of this inanity I'd like to take a moment here and there to offer my own props to people who've maybe not accomplished a whole lot, possibly arent' the most well known, hell, who even I can't stand sometimes but who, in thier tiny, some might say mostly insignificant ways have made an impression on me lately. And so, without further ado, here they are!

The award for:

Best thing ever to shout out in a gym at your best friend who's calling you a wuss just because you thought a "push-up" was a tasty ice cream treat:

"Dammit Man, lay off! I can't help it if I fucked your girlfriend last week, but she was all over me from all those drugs you keep lying all over your place!!" -- courtesy of Mr. L-L God-Uncle Extraordinaire and former friend

Fine-est freaking Cat doctor I think I've ever met (and believe you me, I've been a cat owner for awhile now! note: see how graciously I avoided the "pussy" jokes? This is a classy awards show!)

Ms. Noel Grandrath, DVM at VCA Bay Area Animal Hospital we love you, Man! er...ah...woman! Kinda makes you wish you had hypochondriac cats(!!) anyway, moving on...

Best Seduction Line I've heard this week:

"Is DB here? No? Can I stay here tonight then?" [obviously, the offers for quality lovin' are not tumbling in right now....]

Best brush-off by a family member:

Little Brother: Hey, can I call you back?
Big Sis: Sure, when?
Little Brother: Um. Just... you know... whenever.

Best inadvertant yet still fairly crushing insult from really hot co-worker who's standing directly in front of your desk as you sit there trying to work:

"Damn. Not a single person who I want to talk to is at their desk!"

Kay. That's it for now. I'm sure as the day progresses more of this kind of silly crap will make itself known to me and if you're veeerrrrryyyy lucky, maybe, just maybe, I'll put it up here for you to share!

Pretty, Pretty, Pretty!

Today is a very, pretty, day.

Three pretty things I noticed within the first three minutes of me stepping out of my front door:

1) The plum tree in the front yard is covered with little white flowers

2) The light/air out there is freaking amazing -- I {heart} pre-storm light

3) There was an older Af. Am gentleman out walking a small, blond dog with the coolest russet colored velour fedora (note: here's a site I ran across looking for the appropriate hat link. V. Hilarious.)

Congratulations!

By now you all may have heard the SF is handing out marriage licenses at the drop of a "all-you-have-to-do-is-stand-in-line-for-a-million-hours-in-the-rain-and-do-some-paperwork" hat and I am super proud and delighted to announce that the fabulous, wonderful, and oh-so-deserving Misses Bs managed to obtain one of those "only handing out 400/day", "official/legal for now anyway" documents !! Yay! This will make the SECOND marriage between those two that I failed to be on hand for and I've just got to say I hope I'm around in forty years when you guys renew your vows, although, truth be told, I'll probably miss that too -- I'll send something nice from Guam, though!

In other news, this week-end was a little weird but fine in general. I had invited a classmate/friend of the Boo's over for a sleepover Friday night (so her mom could get busy with some guy she met whilst on vacation in Mexico -- I actually met him on Sat. He seemed like quite a nice person. Too bad he's getting involved with a FREAK! Anyway, more on that later maybe...) Thing is, Boo and this person have a very strange relationship in that while this child can't seem to stay away from the Boo, she spends the majority of her time being mean to her. Now, given that her mom is a head-case, I think it's fairly likely that she's just mean to everybody -- what was weird though was that the few times she wasn't being mean, when she was actually being nice, Boo was mean to her! I know!! My Boo! My sweetheart Angel-girl with nary a mean word to say to anybody was actively mean to this kid. Something to see, let me tell ya! So. I spent a whole bunch of time being "disappointed" with the two of them which is never fun and which led to some tears and overall unhappiness -- cute though, late Saturday after little Miss Demonchild had gone home, I went in to check up on my suddenly very quiet kid and it turns out she had put herself on timeout because, obviously I wasn't going to get around to doing it... (I was feeling bad about the whole situation since I was the one who invited her and I know for a fact that this kid is a terror...) because, seriously, a kid's got to have some freaking structure! I mean you can't tell a kid she's been disappointing all day and then not do anything about it! I swear, it is a damn good thing Boo's around to school me on this stuff... otherwise God only knows how she'd get raised! So... anyway. much of the week-end was spent with us being distant and moody which SUCKED but we're good now. I have her here with me until noon so at least I get a little quality Boo time to make up for the at-odds-ness (anybody else sensing what a complete wreck I'm going to be when she's twelve and doesn't talk to me for three days in a row.) Yesterday I spent reading and writing a "legal brief" for my public policy class ... I'm still trying to catch up with the onslaught of reading my Prof gave at the beginning of the semester -- why do professors assign you fifteen thousand pages of reading before anyone who isn't actually in publishing has had a chance to buy the damn books??? Anyway...

OH! Almost forgot, I've had several requests lately for new aliases -- Let's see, Ms. B.... There are not a lot of names I can think of for you that aren't going to get me in trouble but I was just reading "An Ideal Husband" by Mr. Oscar Wilde (I know, I know...THIS is why I don't get my reading on public policy done! O.K. moving on...) which nicely supports given the events of the past week-end but then, at the same time, I'm also realizing what a kick-ass administrator my cute little married friend actually is (and NO I am NOT just saying that because she happens to be my boss! {offended by the very suggestion} )So, in light of all of this, I'm thinking the new name for Ms. B is going to be Ideal Husband/Our Esteemed Leader or "IHOEL" which I like very much and which sounds vaguely Jewish or maybe Hawaiian.... Anyway, there you have it. Other Girl has also put in a request to change her monniker to "Other Woman" or "Other Lady" or something like that to which I must reply "Uh, yeah, talk to me ten years from now and I'll think about it." Denied! Alrighty, then. That's it for now, I believe. Hope your respective week-ends were FAB! talk attcha all later!

Hating the Game...

First let me say that this is NOT going to be yet another rant by yet another single person against the forced "lovey-wuvey-ness" of the upcoming V-D extravaganza. I think Valentine's Day can be very nice and special and if you have someone to go play/celebrate with more power to ya!

That said, what the Hell??! Have we all gone insane? I mean, I have no problem with the idea that it's a nice idea to celebrate the fact that you love someone -- I, myself, am ALL about the love -- but my god, I really think the rules/expectations/guilt/stress/MONEY aspect of the whole damn thing are really getting out of hand. Case in point:

Note to parents from my kid's school (not official note, just friendly reminder from "Concerned parent"): "This Valentine's Day please remember that if your child is going to bring a valentine for a friend, he/she should provide valentines for all the children in his/her class rather than singling out a select few. This will prevent any particular child's feelings being hurt and will contribute to the cohesiveness of the group."

Ummmm. My child plays with three kids in her class. She has "crushes" on two others. She has two best friends (neither of whom is in her current class). Sometimes she really likes one particular child and sometimes I force her to play with another little girl whom she quite honestly has no use for but she plays with her anyway because she loves me. From what I've seen my child is not all that different from every other kid in her class. If my little girl did not receive a Valentine from one of the 18 other children in her class with whom she is friendly but feels no special attachment, I'm thinking, really, honestly, that there would be no skin lost off her back -- that is unless she was informed that it was the norm for everyone to give everyone Valentines. THEN were she not to get one, then she might notice and/or feel a little bad about it. Look, people, all I'm saying is there will come a time when my Boo doesn't get a Valentine from every single person she knows. When this time comes, I, for one, would much rather she had learned that it's no big deal starting at age six; than learn instead to expect something that will probably cease to happen as she approaches older kid/grown-up-ness. Just my personal thoughts. I'd love to hear what other people think about this. Really I would.

Next, I heard this on the radio today:

Boy voice: Happy Valentine's Day Honey!
Girl voice: [sounding angry] All you got me is a card??!
Girl voice: [Having opened card and discovered gift certificate for something - now sounding happy] Oh, my goodness, a $75.00 gift certificate! Oh, honey, I love it! Thank you!

K. Is it just me or would anyone else snatch that damn card right out of that chick's whiny, ingrate, grasping little fingers and start packing the U-Haul. I mean seriously. Where the hell do people learn that not only should they expect something each and every Valentine's Day that is "significant" (e.g. expensive and/or different from the affection you get the rest of the year) and that they not only get to be disappointed if it doesn't happen but that they also get to be pissed off if they feel it's not enough of those things??! Hmmmmm. Could it possibly be something they learned IN THE FIRST GRADE!! I dunno. I'm really just asking...

So, tired right now...

Luckily, I have no appointments tonight and as such will be crawling into bed circa 8:30-9:00ish and drifting off into that sweet land of the delicate repose for a nice... long... uninterrupted... sleep-session. Maybe. We'll see.

Coupla of cool things: heard from the fabulous Tony yesterday and have made plans to meet up for some lunchy-lunch which is just GREAT since it's been sixteen years since i've seen him and his snazzy outfits so obviously it is about freaking time!

New Job check in: Still seems to be going well. I, for one, am particularly happy. I've got big (huge) plans for development which seem to be proceeding at a decent clip so that's all good. Noone here has started yelling at me yet (in fact, the level of overall nice-ness in this place is practically "Stepford" in it's sincerity and effusion ... is that a word? "Effusion?" If so, is it a dirty word??) Anyway, I'm happy and content and still feeling slighty overwhelmed but at least at this point its my own damn fault -- meaning that all this stuff I have to do is stuff I dreamed up so I can't really blame anybody but myself. I may try to though. Stay tuned...

Speaking of which, my VCR is inexplicable to me. As we may remember, Traveling Man was so good as to show me how to set the damn thing, which I did and which has yet to actually start recording at any of the times I programmed it to record. I have no idea what's its deal is but if anyone out there is currently compiling copies of Gilmore Girls and/or One Tree Hill and wouldn't mind sharing them with me I'd much appreciate it. You don't know what it's like to sit in your public policy class alternnately wondering if 1) the reason for the current decline in California schooling can be directly traced to the passage of Prop 13 and 2) Whether or not Rory is ever going to hook up with "naked Guy" at Yale! It's nerve racking I tell you!!

Anyway. I'm going to go find food now. more later, if I get inspired but probably not.

It's all about the hair

Well, hello kids! How the heck are we this fine afternoon? Me? Why I'm great actually thanks for asking! So, weekend was very fun. Squired the famous Miss Tail and her new haircut around Friday eve (karaoke, drinking -- probably best that I've forgotten most of it!) met up with the ever-lovely Missy Sue and Mistah Lovah-Lovah as well and proceeded to have an FAB-ulous time. Mr. L-L did eventually desert me but no worries! Three seconds before he wussed out of my life a very nice young lady who went by the monniker of Ming and who was "visiting with a friend" took up residence near my chair so I was able to replace him pretty much immediately in terms of having someone tall, and fascinating to chat with as the night drew to a close. Plus, her hair was much better! At any rate. Mr. L-L made it up the next day by bringing me and my kid junk food right before her class started (only to then proceed to lecture me on proper nutrition vis a vis offspring -- this while he's shoving a Big mac down his throat...! I know!! Damn good thing I {heart} him otherwise I know a certain curb with his name on it!!)

Sat., following the Boo class we absconded with a friend of hers and finished out the eve with the ever fun playdate/sleepover! You all wish you were me and my life right now, don't think I can't feel it!

Sunday I managed to persuade Pretty Boy to go driving about (not difficult given the weather, his shiny still-newish car and the super-low rockstar jeans i just got last week!). I don't want to make anyone too jealous (too late!) so let's really just say Presidios were circumvented, Golden Gate bridges were viewed and much (emphasis on much) fun was had by all -- well at least by the two of us. I'm pretty sure the middle-age golfer guys may have had a moment or two where the fact that they were miles away from being as good-looking/fabulous/kicking-it-in-a-mini as the two of us came crashing into their conciousness like an errant golfball through the clubhouse window but whatever. It is not my job to make sure EVERYONE feel attractive/desirable/necessary! Sheesh! Then, after the frivolities were mostly over, I ran into an old friend of mine who is now waitressing at this place we always go to eat. She holds claim to being one of the single most beautiful girls I have ever met in my life and I haven't seen her in awhile. We exchanged info though so maybe I will attempt to restart what little friendship there actually was at the time and see if it can be expanded upon. Probably not though. I'm pretty satiated right now, plus I have TONS of reading to do for class! Anyways... week-end was great as always. I'm starting to feel things slip into a kind of a pattern and I'm realizing (well, at least admitting) that everything is at a great point of "set-ness" and that all I really need to do right now is maintain... which... I think... barring any unforseen drama i may be able to do. {fingers crossed} maybe...

Ünited Stätes Toughens Image With Umlauts

WASHINGTON, DC—In a move designed to make the United States seem more "bad-assed and scary in a quasi-heavy-metal manner," Congress passed a bill Monday changing the nation's name to the Ünited Stätes of Ämerica. "Much like Mötley Crüe and Motörhead, the Ünited Stätes is not to be messed with," said Sen. James Inhofe (R-OK). An upcoming redesign of the Ämerican flag will feature the new name in burnished silver wrought in a jagged, gothic font and bolted to a black background. A new national anthem is also in the works, to be written by composer Glenn Danzig and tentatively titled "Howl Of The She-Demon."

Ha! Sorry, back to work now...

Man Finds Self Back At Porn Store Again

"JASPER, WY—Gregory Steevers, 37, found himself standing in the aisles of the Pleasure Island adult bookstore again Monday. "I was out on a walk after I dropped off the electric bill," Steevers said. "I stopped and had a sandwich, then, before I knew it, I was perusing the shelf of anal videos at the Island. Weird." Steevers said he's "ended up" at Pleasure Island about twice a week for the past four years."

O.K. so The Onion is always funny but this week it is seriously killing me...

My Hero!

So, last night, we were treated to a FABulous B-day celebratory dinner by the wonderful and currently, indispensible Travelin' Man. Din was GREAT. We went to Emmy's Spaghetti Shack and, seriously, with the word "shack" in the title you KNOW it's allll gooood...! THEN, as if the lovely food/company weren't simply enough, Mr. Man proceeded to figure out how to set my VCR to record every Tuesday night so that I am now free to go to my public policy class without having to think "Crap! I'm going to miss my favorite show in the world AGAIN!!" For this we are grateful. Thank you TM! You are stellar and more than half of the "cream in my coffee"!

In other news, I'm expecting a wee one here any minute. My Boo is sick and the CP will be dropping her by so that she can be small and sniffley here with me until I get some stuff done, then I will take her home and snuggle her up and give her lots of toasty good lovin' so that she feels better tomorrow and ready to face the ratrace that is first grade!! In fact, I think they're here so I'm out...

msut be all the sugar!

First, let me state, for the record, that my Best Buddy Q is always right. At least when it comes to telling me what to do about MY life that is. I mean, she may be a bit MEAN about it sometimes (borderline abusive, really) but in general I find that the more I listen to her the more likely it is that i get what I want... hmmmm.... There's a connection there that I really MUST explore further someday. Anyways. Had some awfully (in my opinion) productive/edifying meetings today so while I didn't actually get some stuff worked on that really needs to be worked, i did get some stuff figured out in terms of "the big picture" which can't be all bad.

Had a very funny check-in last night as well from the awfully cute Dirty Boy (who is claiming to hate me due to some minor prank I may or may not have pulled whilst I was spending time with his family of origin in New Mexico) -- seems he got a call from his Mom which went something like this:

DB: Hello?
DBM: Hello, Sweetheart
DB: Oh, hey mom. What's up.
DBM: Oh nothing. I'm just wondering how YOU are???? (pregnant pause which may or may not have something to do with the fact that I might have told them he was engaged to a skinny, blonde, law student...)

Hee Hee! I love having friends to mess with!

Speaking of which, in about 17 minutes, I will be leaving the premises to go have a celebratory din-din with the ever-fabulous Travelin' Man (I think we're still celebrating my birthday but seriously, at this point, so long as the food is free and the company is fun, I'll celebrate just about anything!)

This morning I am at a loss...

Several key things are happening right now that perhaps you, my reading audience, can assist with.

1) There's this guy... Ha, just kidding. Well, not really because there is this guy... O.K. thing is there's this boy and he's my friend and we like each other and stuff but the last coupla times I tried to force him to hang out with me he was awfully sweet and everything but he also had "other plans". So, here I am with a sudden window as it were about to open in my (I think already quite well established extremely packed) schedule and I want to find him but I also REALLY don't know if I can handle the (again really very nice) rejection. I mean, i could use my evening in some other productive manner e.g. getting some sleep or going out with some other friends or whatever... thing is... I kinda... well. The thing is, I want to get l.a.i.d! That's right people, the Chickster wants to get touched in a way that is considered by most to be inappropriate workplace behavior.... {sigh} Oh, well. P'raps I will just not do anything and see what happens. Actually, now that i REALLY think about it, a decent night's sleep does seem pretty sexy ...

2) I just had M&Ms for breakfast. Not sure if that's good or bad; just thought I'd put it out there.

3) I have been offered a ticket to the Melissa Etheridge concert at the Filmore on Monday night (thank you OT and thank your Pops for the hook-up) but, were i to accept it would, in effect, mean that I was going to the concert with my child-friend's Dad which just seems REALLY wierd to me! especially since the child in question is always hitting on me! (DB could you try to control/satisfy your woman??!)... anyways, as with everything else in my life, I will definitely think about it but..... [Those of you who are paying attention may note that upon a similar occassion I accepted a ticket to watch Mr. Lyle Lovett playing at the Paramount from this self-same musically aware duo without even the SLIGHTEST hesitation and I would JUST like to say, in my defense, I didn't know where that ticket came from and even if I had -- c'mon! it's Lyle fer Chrissakes!!]

Anyway, my fingers are frozen and I think my files are through downloading so I'll be off for now... ta!

Three things...

Real quick, three things I've been thinking about lately (o.k. on my drive into work this morning -- I am nothing if not topical!)

1) I had one of THOSE dreams last night about an ex-co-worker Boy-friend of mine last night (I actually have had many dreams that I've been remembering lately. I kinda think it's because I've been being woken up smack in the middle of them the last few days so they're being seared into my conscious mind... anyway...) and the funny thing is that he's not (by a long shot) the one one would THINK that I'd have that sort of dream about if ya knawhattamean. I mean, no disrespect or anything, he's absolutely stellar/attractive/gainfully employed etc. Just not really my typical type. Dream was nice though. We both seemed to be having a pretty good time so it's all good.

2) I love my kid's teacher. There are a bunch of reasons why this is the case but the most recent happens to be that she cares not even a little bit about dumb stuff like TARDINESS in the first freakin' grade. I mean maybe she WOULD if we were always late or something but for the occassional "got stuck on the bridge" nonsense she's pretty cool. I know this because we were late this morning and we had to go to the office and get a tardy slip/"tut-tut, I am just amazed that SOME parents have such a hard time getting their children to school on time!" speech from the school secretary who is in charge of filling out those slips of paper -- said entirely for my benefit, I'm sure -- so we got our slip and slunk into Miss Boo Teacher's class and were greeted with "Hello! Got caught in the rain? You can put that right there, Hon." Paired with a cheery smile/finger indicating we should put that tardy slip directly into the garbage bin so she wouldn't have to do it... Miss Boo Teacher=cool.

3) Reverse psychology doesn't work on my kid. Boo gets to sleep in my bed with me on Thursdays. She would very much like to sleep with me more often but for some reason (which I'm not even super clear about) she's not allowed to. There's some rule that I'm vaguely certain the CP and I set up along time ago that I'm sure could use some re-visiting but I haven't got the energy to really do the research on it -- not unlike the sodomy laws in some states. Anyway, the other night, or rather morning (4am) kid has a bad dream and instead of calling out to her "Well, try to go back to sleep and we'll talk about it in the morning." followed by an hour of sniffling, half-sleep and calling out for assurance that those monsters had not only been been escorted OFF the premises they'd actually, in fact been shot and had their bloody carcasses put up on display in an area where the Boo could see them easily from her top bunk -- I elected instead to just go get in bed with her so we could both just freaking get some sleep. So, when she wakes up in the morning and discovers me there she inquires whether or not I had a good sleep. I reply "yes!" and go on and on about how much I like her bed. Then for added measure I say "I want to sleep with you ALL the time [this being where the reverse psychology comes in because that's what she says to me and this way, theorhetically, she gets a chance to tell me "no" which is empowering to her while at the same time supports my position in the matter] and she says "O.K.! If you really want to you can." {sigh} Who decided I should be allowed to parent??!