I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired. If I say it enough times then it might actually become a soothing sort of mantra ... but ... as of this writing it doesn't seem to be happening. oh. well. I have a sort of headache thing too. I'm seriously considering skipping out early on work today if I can figure out how to do it without feeling HORENDOUSLY guilty about it. We'll see how the rest of today goes, though...

Sigh...

My mom is weird. What is it about moms that they gotta be weird all the time. Man. I hope I'm not weird at my kids. Or rather, I hope the type of weird I am doesn't make them annoyed and sad when they're in their late-thirties and needing to deal with my madness...

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Happy Day before Turkey Day folks!

Movin on up...!

Huh. I think I'm getting my Masters in May. I just got back from an impromptu chat with my cutie Prof wherein she made me sign things and referenced that game I made a million years ago and some policy analysis paper I wrote for her class -- blah, blah, blah. Interesting. I mean, cool if it's really that easy but, just seems odd that's all.

Alrighty! on to far more interesting topics. I - am - in - love. Completely, desperately, walking-on-air(ily), stupid in love with.... my new dress. Yup. It's official. I have found THE coolest dress ever to wear to the GV Holiday party and while I do feel bad for all the hearts and minds which will be rendered useless due to their gibbering idiotness, I will not, cannot, NOT wear this dress to the fete. Simply put, it rocks. In it, I rock. K. nuff said.

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Thanks to those of you calling to inquire/offer condolences re: the stitch. The latest news from the front is that the area itself is itchy as hell but appears to be doing fine. (I honestly don't know because I've never actually been stitched before -- well I WAS once before but that was post giving birth and I wasn't really in a position, if you get my drift, to look very closely at those tiny little knots!) Heh.

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Got to see my beautiful Green-eyed work buddy on several impromptu occasions today. Only ONE of which was so deeply ironic it almost brought tears to my eyes. Damn good thing I'm so jaded most of this crap just runs off mine back. Not unlike the duck as is to water. Sigh. Right. I'm actually, technically "writing" my final paper for Qualitative Analysis so I spose I ought get the hell back to it huh? Bye, my sweethearts. I'll check in tomorrow if only to wish each and every one of you a FAN-tabulous Thanksgiving Holiday! ;-]

Stitched! I've been stitched!!

Well. Stitch, actually. Just the one. Which, should NOT in any way cause anyone to think that having three cubic inch of flesh hacked from my body wasn't excruciatingly painful!!!! The simple fact that it took any stitches at all for me to escape the Doctor's office this morning is, in and of itself, telling...! eh. hem. anyway. So, back story here is that I have/had a freckle that was "changing shape" and as such needed to be "punch-excised" which it was and which my new favorite Dr. and I shared quite the chuckle over the naming of aforementioned procedure/implements. She says I have "tough skin." "Anyone ever tell you, you have tough skin?" Seriously. When would something like that come up? Although, I once had a boyfriend (a really very peaceful one) who put his hands around my throat and said "Wow. You'd be really easy to choke!" So I suppose it's not outside the realm of possibility that the relative toughness of my epidermous might have rated mention. I told her "Only when they're breaking up with me -- a la, 'You'll be fine; You're tough!" and she laughed which, I suppose, when one is having one's freckle "Punch-excised" may not be the best thing to incite in the person doing the punching but, heck. You only live once, right?

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This week-end I had the following conversation with my 7 year old:

Her:Mommy? Is it true that you can count how many babies you're going to have based on the lines on your hand?
Me:Well, there are some people who say they can tell your future by looking at the lines in your hand and that might be part of it but it's not a one-to-one relationship.
Her:Tiana says you can.
Me:Tiana is wrong.
Her:Good.
Me:Why?
Her:She says I'm going to have six babies and I don't want to have any babies.
Me:That's fine. You don't have to.
Her:No?
Me:Nope. Just remember to use precautions when you have sex.
Her:Like those things that go on a penis?
Me:Yes.
Her:O.K.

Seven. Heaven help us all.

I have cramps!

I know, TMI but so what! You all say you want to know the real me but then when all upon a sudden I'm crampy and agro... then we see who my REAL friends are...! Just kidding. Well, not about the crampy part but about the other... K. So. Moving on. I would first like to deliver a HUGE shout out to the B family without whom my littlest would be bereft (bereft, I tell you!) of warm, serviceable, and (I think more importantly) cute winter attire! I heart you guys and I am sooooo glad I'm on the receiving end of your toddlers' really very adorable hand-me-downs!

In other news, my darling Prof. K. told me last night that she really wished I could take her class next semester because she liked the "dynamic" (her word) my somewhat tangential/loose-canon (mine) presence had on her credential students. (!!) I really truly do heart that lady. {you know what I really want?? I REALLY want to be "her" grad student; all the profs have "their" grad students who do all their research for them, follow them around waiting for them to get around to discussing things with them, teaching their classes while they're off at some conference on "Ethnographic Classism and Didatic Reform", etc., and I really want to be hers...! (I know, too much "need to be dominated" not enough spanking. I'm sure i'll get over it -- wait was that TMI as well...?)

Nothing else really. Busy week coming up in terms of sheer amounts of papers that need to be written but I've got some quality Kid-sitters in place so I'm pretty sure it's all going to happen on time and under budget.... Sigh. Now i'm sitting here thinking about how really insanely cool it would be to sit around my Prof.s' office "coding data" while she edits some article of mine that I want to submit to Ed. Researcher.... God.

What the hell is wrong with me...??????

So...

For some reason, people have been listening to me alot more lately. Like really paying attention to what I'm saying. Now, no part of what's coming out of my mouth these days seems particularly different from what I've been saying all along, it's just that,recently, people seem to have been giving a bit more weight to whatever it is I'm expounding upon... to actually be considering the stuff I'm putting out there. It's weird. And I have to say, I don't know that I think it's a good idea; I mean, if people are going to start taking what I say seriously, there's probably some stuff I shouldn't say anymore...

the end of an era

Pretty Boy has cut his hair. [A moment of silence, please.....]

Right. So, while it is about two and a half feet shorter than it was, it's still shoulder length and I gots to say, he still looks pretty hot, so... It's just that I'm a little concerned about what seems to be happening in this world of ours. i mean, first Bush, now this...!

BTW...

So, I'm in a "Analyzing Leadership" class this semester and I'm supposed to go to my "family/friends/readership", explain that I'm in a "leadership training program" and ask how they/you view me as a leader and if they/you could share a story, photo or artifact that represents me as a leader as it relates to your life experience.

If anyone has a moment, and could put together a few thoughts in response to this question and send them my way I'd be vastly appreciative... (I need to have this assignment done by Thanksgiving so if you don't have time to write before then, no worries, i'll figure something else out. Thanks.)

I'll make this quick...

Notice how I always say that but then somehow still manage to ramble on and on and on (and on)

So anyway:

Week-end was o.k. I did not, in fact, have sexual relations (mostly because the boy in question is desperately in love with some other girl -- hmmmmmm, I'm noticing a theme of sorts...) but I did have a really very great outing nontheless including but not limited to snuggling, smiling and having deep, interesting conversations wherein some of my more positive qualities were referenced so, I have to say it was still all pretty good. I even got to meet the "competition" which was wierd and unplanned but which, since it was pretty much inevitable, went not unwell. She seems nice. I'm sure they'll be happy together. Like ducks in a rug. Anyway. Moving on.

Went to see my new Dr. about a little bump in my finger + "butterfly-shaped" mole on my sternum (unrelated) and found her to be HILARIOUS! Really. V. funny. I told her my mole used to be "round" but now it was "butterfly-shaped" and she replied (absolutely deadpan) "Hmmmm. Are you sure it wasn't originally "caterpillar-shaped? Because then it would make sense..." Har, Har, Har. Everyone's a comedian! Anyways, she's going to "punch-excise" it in a few weeks which is just wrong and will probably be horrifically painful. She told me I'd only need one stitch but I explained to her that I was going to be complaining about it quite a bit so perhaps the dressing should somehow reflect that. She agreed and remarked that they could probably provide me with some sort of full-body wrap and a sling... Like I said -- a true meeting of the minds.

Full-day meeting yesterday wherein I accomplished NOTHING other than finding out about a whole bunch more work me and mine department are expected to deliver in the next two weeks then duo kid pick-up, home for fifteen minutes then off to school.

Speaking of which, My beautiful professor gave me a copy of an article she's about to have published in some magazine for me to "look at and comment on." (!!) Eeek! So, on the one hand how cool is it that she seems to want my opinion on her writing and on the other how scared am I to actually read the thing onna counta what if she's a really bad writer and I have to find someone else to idolize? {sigh} Life is so difficult when one begins to actually become friends with one's mentors....

K. Nuff of that. I have things to do and people to be. I'm out. Stay (relatively) dry people. Peace!

T-2 and counting...

I am one and a half days away from just possibly getting up close and personal with an actual boy-body (pure speculation on my part, BTW, as far as the gentleman in question is concerned we are "going to the movies" -- Which could be one hell of a euphemism, but somehow I doubt it...) and can I just say, I really need to take a long, hard, (tee-hee) appraising look at the overall structure of my life because, while I get that I am waaaayyyyyy too busy to actually have any kind of real relationship, this little body of mine could still sure as heck use some petting!

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In other news, had a festive little impromptu get together with Spark's new CaseWorker who delighted me by being from the "adoptions" (instead of the "placements/foster care") part of the department essentially meaning that we're a mere month + veritable sheaf of paper signing away from actually finalizing this thing! (Although, I may not see an actual court date until mid-Feb. Still, once those papers are signed, it's all over but the singing as I am sometimes wont to say...!) Whoo Hoo and all of that!

Second big plus being that I have my Big Girl from yesterday til Wed. (!!) which is just unheard of and beyond great because then I lose her for a day after which I get her back on Thursdee!! {happy sigh} I'm such a lucky goil.

"Smart as a whip!"

Now, I know there are those who might get tired of having heaps of praise lavished upon their children at each and every parent teacher conference it might be their lot in life to attend -- I, for one, am not one of those people! "A joy to be around!" Making excellent progress!" "Let me show you what she wrote in journal today! Oh, and look at what she wrote last week!" and "Did I show you this picture of her singing for the Mayor?" I'm telling you. And, of course, the amusing part of all of this is the fact that inevitably the focus shifts to us and our parenting -- as if we had anything to do with how amazing our child is, as if she had not sprung fully formed, perfection incarnate, from mine womb not unlike one of those greek gods...! As if!! Yet and so... people will believe what they want to believe and if they need to think that CP and I do anything more for our child than simply holding the world of admirers at bay (at least we try) until the Boo is a little bit taller and has completed her Karate classes, well then... so be it.

Spark had her first PT conf. as well! Developmentally she's doing fabulously. She's climbing and running and "owning her space." There is some concern about her diet (the concern being that I can't cook and that she's getting all this great food at daycare whilst I feed her slop!) Her teachers, however, love her. She, in turn loves them so it really is an all-round love-fest at ole Monte Tavor! In addition to just generally thriving, my littlest one is getting to sing and to dance and is learning how to hold crayons without eating them (I know!!) Plus, she's 18 months old now so she's officially a toddler!!! Whoo Hoo! How (I know I ask this fairly frequently, but seriously) am I so blessed?

I had long hair for Halloween -- basically a throwback to my "Hootchie-esque/Late-all-the-time-but-cute-so-it-doesn't-really-matter" ex-life and this girl here at work got all hot and bothered by it. She's cute. She thought the long-haired me was very cute. Emphasis on "was." Emphasis on "long-haired." The short-haired me ... she thinks is "nice!"

Great.

Anyone else out there feeling the cosmic sucki-tude of this particular interaction?

Dammit, I think I'm getting a coldsore!! I REALLY need to not have a coldsore right now!!!! Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!!!

Two party systems suck!

So, I voted for Leonard Peltier. Sorry folks. If Bush wins i will take complete responsibility for every single future attrocity he commits. I just have to say I am really over this whole fear/evil thing we've got going on with this election. There are more than two candidates people. That's kind of the point. Then you get to vote for the person who best represents your views/the direction you'd like your country to go in. If that's Kerry then have at it but if it's not, then don't vote for him. This whole "lesser of two evils" stance is crap. Horribly naive of me -- possibly but whatever. I've already lost quite a bit in terms of financing for my schools, my kids, my neighborhood; I get that Bush makes some pretty poor decisions and is a big ole liar to boot still -- I'm just not really convinced 1 ) Kerry is going to do a hell of a whole lot better and 2) that should the evil one stay in office for four more years the world will definitely end. In fact, I think that should BJr win this time the various parties might offer up some real candidates for consideration next election. I also think that if Kerry wins and he doesn't immediately "fix" everything he loses in 2008 to someone even more dysfuctional. All else fails, there's always Canada. (I happen to know some people who know some people who just might let us stay on their couch up there so...) K. As far as the rest goes, straight Barbara Lee ticket all the way. Especially with the three strikes ammendment/money for community outreach initiatives. Ah, Babs... So pleased she's in my district.

In other news, someone got run over outside of my polling place so there were firetrucks/cops/paramedics everywhere. Then the line inside got a little out of hand when some old people had the gall to try to cut. It almost came to fisticuffs there for a minute...! {sigh} Right. Glad that's over. Now then, what shall I be disatisfied with for the next little stretch?

My week...

So, today I have my big kid here with me (she's sick. Awwwww!) I have a meeting in about an hour and a pseudo interview for someone else's department this afternoon. I need to hire another person for my department at some point over the next coupla days. Then we're having a "really, we mean it this time!" good-bye lunch for my LA today. My New LA is in trainings for a huge part of the week so I need to cover her/their daily tasks as well. I need to vote tomorrow. I also have a paper due tomorrow. I have another paper due Wed. I have to interview this work chick for my final paper (draft due Nov 17th), write up my fieldnotes and catch up on my reading for my Wed. class. CP is going to England for a week or so, so I have both the babies beginning Tuesdee (I think through next Monday...??! - I need to check the dates on that one). Ideally, this week-end I will have a "date" (if I can get my babysitter to agree to come over on Sunday - please, please, please...!) which, while technically only providing a 34% chance that I will "get some" at least provides a 100% certainty that I will be out on the town with an adult whom I adore and who I haven't seen for awhile, so no matter how you look at it, it pretty much = cool!

{sigh}

Week-end was great. I {heart} daylight savings time ending more than I do any other "holiday" so you know I'm happy. K. That's it. Back to the life...