Disturbing interludes…

In an otherwise perfect weekend. Weekend = great! Had the kid all day both days so you know it was all good. Sat. was spent running around to various birthday type events including stopping by the new Hayward residence of my girls and finding out that both of them are doing fine. Their moms moved them into a new house with four bedrooms so they all have their own space (at least for now.) Her new man seems fairly nice and the girls looked good. Stayed just long enough to pass out the prezzies and the contact info should they need to find me and we were off to the next get-together in SF. Second birthday party was very awfully fun as well with lots of cool parental interaction (there’s a neat little super-shy kid whose parents are trying to get him into Boo’s school. They’re from New York and they are FAB-ulous! I really hope we see more of them.) Then, back to the homestead for a bit before dropping the child off with the Misses B/ees et al for a sleep-over then it was off to the Big City to indulge in a little adult entertainment by way of a very swank dinner party thingie hosted by a wonderful lad who was celebrating the end of his first year with his lovely soon-to-be-an-aspiring-writer-boy-toy. Party was very nice. Super low key, fascinating people, aforementioned STBAWBT was A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E and quite a catch and I think extra congratulations are warranted! Congrats!! Got to confab with all manner of choice people and got to watch the fireworks go off over PacBell park (because, when all is said and done, what’s the point of having a swanky celebratory party if you can’t adjourn to the balcony for a festive lightshow…??) Last but certainly not least, I was able to round out my eve engaged in a much needed tete a tete with the ever elusive Pretty Boy who since he got THE JOB has become harder to pin down than a greased flea but he was home and up and willing to entertain me for a bit – bring me up to speed re: the job, the car, the gym etc. – before sending me on my way back to the snuggly cotton freshness of my green-ey gold bed…. We {heart} Pretty Boy! He’s a keeper that one…. Then, this morn, up and shower and off to get a bagel bribe to take to the B house in exchange for my Boo. Switch happened, short visit occurred then off, once again to yet another birthday party for one of young Boo’s very best-est friends at her house in Frisco.

And here’s where the weirdness begins…

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So, there are all these kids running around right, and there’s this one, Lane (that’s his real name by the way. Mark my words this kid will end up in the news -- and not in a good way) who is obsessed with Boo’s Best Friend like to the point where he keeps following her around and demanding to know where she is any time she manages to elude him. Both kids are about six years old but Lane is bigger and stronger and at one point he was pulling BBF around by the arm to wherever he wanted her to be. Now this is key. I’m all for the fun and games and I grant you that I don’t know this kid and his relationship to BBF but there was a point in there where he had dragged her to the couch and was kind of sitting on her and she was saying “I want to get up” and he wasn’t letting her and no one (by which I mean the adults present) seemed disturbed in the least. Everyone was smiling and discussing which schools were “good”. So, I went over and made him get off her and she RUNS away from him and climbs onto the couch next to her mom who is pregnant and resting and smiling and tries to kind of crawl back behind her. Lane comes over, grabs her leg, pulls her off the couch onto the floor and kind of crouches on her. She assumes a sort of balled up fetal position and once again all the adults in the room, mom included, sit there watching this little spectacle with these “kids will be kids" kinds of smiles plastered on their faces. Meanwhile BBF is not moving. Lane is continuing to terrorize her. I look at Boo who looks and me and we both shrug and look at BBF's mom who FINALLY sort of notices that her kid is kind of comatose and says “Are you O.K.?” I stand and stretch (in what I hope is a menacing way) toward Lane who finally moves away from BBF. She continues to stay huddled up though until her mom leans forward to touch her, then she springs up and runs behind the couch. Lane starts to go after her but he is stopped by her mom who says, “Not right now Lane, I think she needs a little alone time.” (!!!!) So. O.k. am I right in thinking “What the Hell??!” Is that not completely fucked up? Anyone?? Now, I know all the “not really my business”, “may not know the entire situation”, “shouldn’t assume that this is typical” blah, blah, blah bullshit but, seriously, is it just me?? I am completely disturbed by the fact that a roomful of adults would sit there while a five year old is tortured and I am amazed that this little psychopath is even allowed near BBF (apparently they are old friends. His nickname for her is “NumNum”) on a regular basis. What could I possibly be missing? Anyways, BBF managed to stay kind of away from him for the rest of the party – upon picking up her son and watching him grab BBF from behind and announce he was “bringing her” with him, Lane’s mom beamed and was heard to remark “Lane just loves BBF!” and I am in shock. I’m all over cutting BBF’s parents some slack because they seem like nice enough people and I know it can be hard to deal with tons of kids and birthdays and pregnancy and all of that but still, that kind of dynamic isn’t built instantly, right? It looked like it had been going on for awhile… {sigh}. Anyway. Not saying I’m the world’s best parent or anything but I do think sometimes that there’s some fucked up stuff being accepted as “normal behavior”. Then again, what can a person realistically do…?

You know what though, if anyone ever sees me being abusive or putting my kid in an abusive situation (even if I think I’m being normal and rational) please tell me your concerns. I’m not saying I’ll change anything right away but I’ll listen and I might snap out of whatever weirdness I’m indulging in.... Maybe. Maybe not. Probably if I’m not seeing that my kid is being potentially damaged, I’m not going to be in the mood to listen to criticism. Even so, tell me anyway.