It's begun
Wandered in late today cause I had to go by my kid's camp and drop off some "gym clothes". That's right, folks, my kid calls me last night and announces "So, tomorrow I'm going to the gym so I need some clothes." The gym. The kid is a walking muscle. Anyway, it just threw me is all. I'm positive this is the first in a long line of causual pronouncements that will render me speechless. "Mom, I'm thinking of going out for cheerleading."; "Mom, I'm thinking of going on a diet."; "Mom, I'm moving to Somalia to track indigenous waterfowl. I won't really be reachable by phone, mail or fax but it's only for two years..."; "Mom, this is Brad...we're getting married!!" {sigh} At any rate, I'm in a happy mood because I got to see my kid an extra time and she's great!
In other news, Our Angel-Baby got some Sunday night although he's totally denying it right now. Apparently he met a boy and they "spent the night walking around the city and talking." Uh...yeah...
Had a great conversation with Miss Tail last night about this whole isolation thing that me and Mistah L- L began discussing earlier in the day. Basically, my deal is that I'm feeling alot like the older I get the less I feel a part of a group. Any group. I mean, I have my friends and stuff and i love them but whereas we used to sort of get along because we had tons in common now I think it's more like we stick to each other because we just feel like it.
There's a shared history there and a certain amount of trust and commaraderie; it's a great support system and I'm lucky to have it. But that finishing each others sentences thing, that ability to just go out and hang out and know the other person is having the same kind of time you are, that's diminishing as we all get further into our separate lives. And maybe it's supposed to. I mean the whole point of growing up is that you (hopefully) learn more about yourself and we're all basically unique so maybe the thing you realize is that there isn't a group of people out there who are exactly like you and you just need to learn to be o.k. with it.
I'm really beginning to think that relationships (friendships and otherwise) are mostly about just deciding to stick around -- I mean hopefully you get something in return but sometimes you don't -- it's that whole better or worse thing. Whatever it is about these people that made them valuable might morph into something else or disappear altogether but if you're committed to the friendship, does it matter if the person changes? Maybe it's just about staying present. People don't change all that much and the odds are pretty good they'll never completely loose whatever it was that was so compelling... I dunno. I'm babbling now.
One last thing though, I was talking to a buddy on the phone the other day and we were trying to make plans to get together and I was flipping through my datebook reading off dates which she kept shooting down (for admittedly valid reasons. She's a busy gal) until finally I got a little annoyed and said "You know what, just call me when you have time." To which she replied "You know, if you ever really needed me, I'd be there." I throw this out there because while she meant it to be comforting and while I definitely know and appreciate her support, the whole point of me trying to be self-sufficient and drama-free is so I won't really need her. Does that mean we never get to hang out?
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