Tired...

Today I am exhausted. I was at a very intense meeting all day yesterday (which was v. fun BTW I got to talk to lots of interesting co-worker peeps and spend some actual quality time with IHOEL who's a gem of a person!!) Anyway, I got home and chatted with my conscious (aka DB) about this person who I thought I had a crush on but then started thinking that maybe I only thought I had a crush on her because it would be nice to have a crush on someone and she's really quite nice and could easily be crush material so... anyway, I sort of sat next to her at one of our break-out groups and talked to her a bit but I just don't know. I mean I still think she's freaking FINE but maybe our connection is meant to be different than "sparky." What if she's just meant to be my friend. My really really good friend. Who I get to crawl all over sometimes and kiss and stuff... -- k. i'll stop. (The sign of a true dyke BTW is that she's got to engage in some sort of deeper analysis in order to have a crush on someone who could honestly care less about her...) so, we also talked about this other girl who I also feel kind of "sparky" about but then MC/DB says: well, why don't you get to know her then you can see if there might be something there" and I thought "Nah." I thought "nah" because I honestly feel (at this point in my life) that "getting to know people" for me is pretty much analogous to "making friends" and I don't feel sparky about folks who are in the "friends" category (at least not right now). Which is not to say that this can't change. And actually, even writing it doesn't sound entirely correct because I have no problem with having sex with my friends, it's just the "sparky" part; the tingley, can't wait to see you, can't wait to find out what dumb thing you did over the week-end, realizing that your eyes are actually kind of a light hazel rather than golden brown... all that crap, that's what I look for in my crushes and that's what disappears when I actually start seeing a person as a buddy. I dunno. DB thinks I'm being stupid. I think I agree.