Is it wrong to be smug?

K. So tonight was Boo's Back-to-school night and all the regular suspects were there. Can I just say on the one hand I am delighted by the continuity on the other, seeing the same kids every year just really serves to point out how incredibly OLD I am. Seriously, some of those knee-biters are practically taller than me at this point. They're having relationships fer chrissakes! Which brings us to my initial point of "sure-I'm-going-to-hell" boasting: namely number of parental types who sought me out tonight to inform me that their child (usually of the boy variety) has a crush on Boo/says Boo is his girlfriend/really loves my child! = 4 sets! Of course, I know this. Of course, when one is parenting a Boo one must expect these parents to seek to secure their child's future happiness by somehow maneuvering them to the front of the "must-have-a-Boo-in-my-life" pack by mentioning (in a laughing way, always with a smile...) that their son says that "Boo and he are boyfriend and girlfriend!" and then (surprise!) the, "Ha! Kids. What will they think of next! [chuckle] so... has Boo ever said anything...??????" Get in line folks. All I can say is that of course, it's her decision who she likes but I would suggest you have your references handy! Besides which, Boo already loves Becky and Antonia [note: none of the children's names used in this post are real and even if they are -- so! What're you gonna do about it??] and so there's really only the couple of spaces left in her entourage. Boys who are fighting for prime positioning would include:

Caio - Surfer dude, super jock kid who's pretty much always in charge of whatever game is being played. This may be because he knows all the rules really well or it may be because he somehow always owns the ball.

Eli - Loner type whose parents are misplaced New Yorkers. Young E. has decided that he doesn't like girls but he does likes Boo. Two major points in his favor would be that 1) he's got one of the coolest moms I've ever met -- cool in a very New York kind of "big emotions!" way and 2) he has not washed his hair since school started three weeks ago.

Sammy - Young rock star type. Seriously sweet. Across the board beautiful (like in a Boy Bratz, clear green eyes, dirty blond hair and long curling eyelashes kind of way) a bit "slow" for Boo's tastes but good to have on board if you're looking for someone who could really care less that "dinosaurs aren't cool anymore!"

D'Andre - Very cool kid with very cool parents. Kind of like a young polititian without the smarm, just generally set.

Boo, of course, has gone on record noting that she has a "crush" on some kid named Jake whom I haven't really gotten to know all that well but whose Dad seems nice enough in a big friendly bear kind of way. And she doesn't even really play with Jake. She plays with Sammy although sometimes I think it's because he's part of a package deal that includes Becky. It's all so confusing... Plus, have I mentioned that they're only in the second grade?????? Anyway. I'm probably just as bad as the rest of the parental types but it is weirdly gratifying to have my kid be the one the parents want their kids to play with. Again, I take no credit for any of it. I'm just pointing it out...

Now then...

Took Spark to the Dr. today to see why she was screaming all the time/vomiting/patting her ears/running a slight fever and.... as you probably already suspected....

She is fine. Not a damn thing wrong with her that isn't about being 15 months old and having a slight cold. Huh. I swear. I had really forgotten that the definition of "normal" gets very elastic where babies are involved. So. This week-end I had the super-horrific epiphany that I am very capable of getting very mad and that I don't know how to handle it. I mean I know all the book stuff like leave the room, yell into a pillow, slam a door etc. but what I don't know is how to not have this look to Boo who notices everything like I hate her sister/how to not anticipate on-going anger after we've moved on from the specific situation and things seem to be going smoothly. Meaning (as anyone who know me very well knows) that I am someone who, if I can't fix it, would prefer to find a way to not have to continue dealing with it -- but how does one deal with something that makes you mad (ear splitting screams and flinging oneself backwards when one is informed that one cannot cross the street by one's newly walking self) knowing full well that after a resolution has been reached (child is distracted by shiny button thing on sweater) the exact same thing will occur once a similar stimulus is encountered. I mean, I can't not cross streets. I found myself saying this week-end "I'm not going to let you walk if you're not going to listen!" and I actually sounded like I meant it. Which means...? I carry Spark until she's 36 and/or interested in listening to her mother?? What I'm saying is I'm finding myself in positions that are frankly untenable and I don't know any way out of them. That having been said, however, being forced to spend the day with the baby today was actually a very good thing because it allowed me to interact with her in a space where we got along and she was remarkably "good" -- despite those heathens once again draining all the blood from her tiny body (what is it with the health-care profession that they see a baby and they immediately think "bloodwork!"??) and wherein while I had/have a ton of stuff to do I still got to just see her and her cool amazingness and to remember that I didn't get her just for the tax write-off; that I actually wanted/want another kid. I want her. I want to experience raising another individual. i want to see what she going to add to my life. She's mine and I need to treat her like I want and appreciate her. Much like the Boo, Spark didn't ask to be with me -- I went after her. Sigh. Doesn't help with the mad thing but probably worth remembering.

Lastly, school. Just got back from class. We're studying leadership models and my brillant professor is playing a game she calls "What does this have to do with leadership?" wherein she shows us a clip from an old TV show or a documentary or something and we have to figure out what leadership qualities are embodied within it. Tonight she played us Kenny Roger's "The Gambler." I won't go into what all was said about that particular choice of music but I do want to put it out there that I heart her and her "methods" and I sincerely hope I am 1/10th as brillant when I finally come through this program (assuming I get out alive...)

Bah! I'm tired. Nitey-night folks. Hope tomorrow's a good day for everyone.