Warning...

I’m in a bad mood today. I’m in a bad mood because my ex-girlfriend pissed me off yesterday. I’m in a bad mood because part of the fall-out from the incident that pissed me off was that my kid was pretty seriously disappointed and was sad all day. I’m in a bad mood because despite 8+ hours of damage control including a movie, ice cream, and riding bikes the last thing my kid said to me before she went to bed was “today was a bad day… But, I love you.” I’m in a bad mood because I was awake all night thinking about how stupid it was on my part to think that a pleasant exchange meant that everything was going to be o.k. and that we were all going to be able to move the hell on and acknowledge the good things we could still contribute to each others lives.… Whatever. I’m over it. I’m through trying to prove what a basically decent person I am to people who are invested in believing that I suck. I am particularly annoyed that I let my kid be dragged into it but again, all I can do is make sure it doesn’t happen again. Forget the tiptoeing around feelings, forget the hyper-awareness of where I can and can’t go. I’m sick of spending a whole bunch of energy trying to be a decent person only to be accused of being (continuing to be) devious, inconsiderate and above and beyond all else, someone who makes people feel like shit. If I am that person then good riddance, you should be glad I’m gone. If I’m not, then whatever, nothing I can do is going to change that perception and I’m sick of trying. I repeat. I am done.