I'm here...

I'm a mom, I'm tired. Get used to it! So, I'm not out as an dyke tonight. I tried. I really did but after a full morning/early afternoon meeting with caseworkers, attending AcroSports classes and browsing Haight St. rummage offerings (followed by 45 minutes of driving around the Mission looking for parking) I glanced over at my two sleeping babies and realized that it was more important to me that they continue to sleep than it was for us to join that glorious sisterhood known as the Dyke March! I figure 1) they'll do just just fine without me, 2) I'd probably get really sick of telling all those peeps I only run into once a year at this particular event the history of my suddenly being with two childs and 3) I don't really need reminding re: the sheer numbers of dykes in the world who aren't even really considering having sex with me right now.

So, instead took the babies to the children's park at Lake Merritt where swinging happened, faces were painted and babies got supper. All in all a vastly superior evening I must say!

Except for this one thing. K. so I know I need to get used to this kind of thing but still....

Lady who was painting Boo's face kept telling her she was beautiful (which, as we all know, she is!) thing is after she finished she glances at Spark and says "She's yours too?" I say "Yup!" She says "they look different." I say "They are different." She continues to stare at my Spark with a non-smiling, kinda perplexed look on her face. I say (and I'm kicking myself now that I didn't just leave it...) "She's adopted." Face clears up. "Oh!" she says "Well, congratulations. But she's your real daughter right?" with nod at Boo. "They're both my real daughters!" (SHOULD have said.) "Yup." (actually said. Then walked away with painted Boo feeling weird so promptly started this inappropriate conversation with my up until then quite happy/oblivious child)
Me:"So, when stuff like that happens it makes me sad for Spark."
UUTQH/OC:Why?
Me:Because she's me "real" child too.
UUTQH/OC:So....
Me:Well, that lady was saying that you're really pretty and by NOT saying that you guys are alike she's sort of implying that Spark isn't....
UUTQH/OC:is she?
Me:Pretty?
UUTQH/OC:Yeah.
Me:Of course!
UUTQH/OC:As pretty as me?
Me:Um... differently pretty. I mean, you're REALLY pretty
UUTQH/OC:[sad]...
Me:Honey? What's up?
UUTQH/OC:[very sad] She's already cuter than me, now she has to be prettier too
Me:No!
UUTQH/OC:...
Me:That's not what I'm saying! You're beautiful!
UUTQH/OC:But you got sad because that lady liked me.
Me:No! That's not what I'm saying...
UUTQH/OC:[blinking away tears] then why are you sad?
Me:I'm not! I'm just.... I'm sorry.

I suck.

Anyway. Tomorrow I'll be out and proud. Tonight, I'm just trying to not completely suck as a parent.