"It doesn't matter if you're a star...

Doesn't matter who or what you are!
Just grab a guitar
And get to rocking
That's rock and roll!

Found a Shaun Cassidy tape at Community Thrift for a dollar (is it just me or have they gotten hella expensive?? C'mon kids, it's not like you're Amoeba West!) And I have just got to say, my goodness, it's been a long time. Let me begin by putting it completely out there that I was an active member of the SC fan club; I had his album on vinyl (in fact it was my number one make-out partner during those lean years between 11 and 17); I watched every single episode of Hardy Boys (including re-runs) and I even went so far as to temporarily disown/stop speaking to my best friend Cammy when she dared to suggest that perhaps, just perhaps (she later recanted) Parker might be the better boyfriend of the two...(!!) So, anyway, popped in that tape and hand to God, I was twelve again - bouncing around in my seat, grinning like a maniac at the boys in the Chevy Malibu next to me ("Da Doo Ron Ron Run"? Anybody?? c'mon, they were in a Malibu you know they were feeling me!) I even teared up a little when we got to the "sad" song: "Mornin' Girl...."

"Well, a man is hard to find in a woman's land"
Oh, don't let too many tears, wash away your dreams!
Just tell yourself that nothing matters {sweeping musical crescendo}
just be prepared..."

I mean, sure it makes no sense ("hard to find a man in a women's world? WTF?) but still!!! That little emotional warble he throws in at the end freaking slays me!!

---

K. So, last night I went to the 8th annual Miss TrannyShack pageant with my buddy Angel which basically means, I went by myself.

{This is us preparing for the evening in the tiny, crowded, yet still disturbingly tidy bathroom at Angel and Dirty Boy's aparte-mont}

Chick: Don't leave me tonight.
Angel: {peering intently into cracked mirror - applying the second set of false eyelashes} I will not leave you tonight.
Chick: Promise.
Angel: I promise.
Dirty Boy: What're you guys doing tonight?
Chick: We're going to Tranny Shack. Angel says he's not going to leave me to go running after some girly boy but I don't believe him.
Dirty Boy: {to Angel} What about Texas guy?
Angel: {rolls eyes} What about him? I am not going to pick up boys. I am going to hang out with my dear friend Chick whom I never see and who I love {stops for a moment to survey what I like to call an outfit} and who needs to change her top.
Chick: Change my top?? What's wrong with my top?! I love this top! And who even says "top" anyway??! It's a shirt! I'll bet you say "soda" too...!
{Angel rolling eyes again flicks light switch on wall shutting off primary illumination and magically turning on black light revealing thousands of shimmery cat hairs and what looks an awful lot like a Monica Lewinsky-style man-juice stain smack in the middle of my chest} Fine. What have you got for me to wear. {Angel produces fairly cool sequined baseball shirt; DB smirks at stain, Chick mumbles through disconcertingly complicated "top"} Promise me you won't leave me.
Angel: {back at the mirror} I promise I will not leave you.

{At venue}

Angel: Ohmigawd, look at her!
Chick: You said you were going to stay with me!
Angel: I am staying with you. God woman, you have got some serious abandonment issues -- As far as I am concerned we are Martin and Eng.
Chick: Who?
Angel: Martin and Eng. Those Chinese twins. The ones that were stuck together...
Chick: "Martin?"
Angel: Whatever. Didn't they end up getting married?
Chick: Who?
Angel: Martin and Eng!
Chick: I don't think the one twin's name was "Martin"
Angel: Whatever darling... {scans crowd} I'm getting drinks. Wait here. Don't want to lose my better half, ha ha! {moves off into crowd smiling happily into beautifully mascaraed faces}

And, yes, for all of those of you who guessed that that was the last time I saw him you are correct! Diane, tell em what they've won! Bitch.

No worries though, our Chick is nothing if not resourceful and quickly made friends with some German chick and her "here for six months to study dance -- have you been to the Lexington club?" eentourage. All brillant people and particularly nice to have someone my size to commiserate with when the sweaty, vaseline covered (albeit still rather hot) gay boys finished their musical numbers and decided to climb en masse onto the platforms where we we also sort of trying to occupy space. They were pretty respectful though -- asking if it was o.k. that they were sitting on our feet/leaning their stinky, man-sweat-soaked bodies against our pristine, formerly girl smelling thighs -- so it was all good.

For the record, my love affair with the beauty that is the tall, goddess-like, drag queen continues unabated. I mean, seriously, you would be hard pressed to show me a gesture that is so completely evocative of a swan sailing past on a warm summer night as the gesture that is an impossibly tall, amazingly sequined, pink-haired creature bending forward with an accomodating smile (always with the smile!) to better hear what some lackey has to say to her. Simply put, I was dazzled. By the way, last year's Queen performed this year as well - that girl is hot!

I was also introduced to a new concept - Girl Drag Queens. Not Drag Kings, but Female bodied persons dressed in Tranny drag, lipsyncing to catchy pop songs. There was a girl there last night who was amazing (her performance was so freaking awesome it practically brought the damn house down) and I'm sure if audience response was any measure she won hands down (I left circa 1:00ish to drop some Germans off in the Mission then crawl back into my oh-so-inviting bed -- right this second? Dying from lack of sleep. Thanks for asking.) so I didn't see who won but it does beg the question of what one has to be to be TrannyShack Queen. I mean, isn't kind of the point that you're Transgendering it up in some way or another. Not that girls in general are somehow closer to Drag Queens than boys thus giving them some kind of unfair advantage -- they're not, I checked -- but I dunno, it still sort of seems unfair, maybe because she was sooo good. It's like "Martin" and Eng being allowed to take part in the annual South Valley Pride picnic three-legged race... Anyway. VH-1 was there so look for me soon on your local cable station. K. This is already far too long so I'm outtie but I just have to say on a final note: Spoken word? Especially if you're not Laurence Fishburn; has NO place in the talent portion of a TrannyShack show... Sorry, but it's just not the crowd-pleaser it once was....

One last freebie...