Am I still going to hell...?

If I think "Aw, honey that's too bad..." BEFORE i think "Whoo Hoo! That's one f***buddy back in the fold!" :-]

Why do I think this is so funny...?

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

Who just got an e-mail mere moments ago from her high school boyfriend (who is now living with his lovely wife and two children in Oregon) -- I did that's who! Weird. I think I last spoke with him when Boo was a toddler and the little Missus was pregg-ers with the first! Ah, well.... Speaking of e-mail, who also got a "follow-up" from one of the cutie girls at the trade show letting her know that aforementioned cutie girl was "90% sure" she'd be coming to Frisco for another show in August...! Tee Hee. May have to pull in some of those evening babysitting offers for this one; after all can't let the poor dear wander around a city as scandalous as this alone now can we??

Note...

Apparently for an item of clothing to be "distracting" one needs first to have some measure of simple attention from somebody... [sigh - i'd be funny if it wasn't so sad.]

Today I am "distracting"...

I have just been informed by a second person today that my "shirt is distracting" -- the first was my beautiful, finally home from jammy-maka Boo, who told me that my shirt made her want to "do my buttons up" (a really very nice gesture which I chose to decline) then here at work, I was told that I needed to "close my shirt" because it was "distracting" that particular comment however came from someone who not only has no power over me and/or my position here but who also has been nursing a tiny crush on yours truly for a bit now and so, it too, was summarily dismissed. I do, however plan to test the distraction potential of this shirt on one or two people in this building who I would actually like to stir up so stay tuned for more on that subject.

In other news, I got my beautiful brown tired looking Big Girl back on Sat. eve and I just have to say I am STUPID in love with that girl. She's just so very much one of the primary reasons I am having so much fun existing right now -- anyhoo spent Sundee morning picking out a bike/staring at her (also got the world's coolest tiny bike for my little girl, a-freaking-dorable!) then headed over to hang with the Bee kids and the super fabulous Travelin' Man for the afternoon. Cute. Sweet. Brillant. It never ceases to amaze me how me and my buddies managed to get all the cool kids. Ah, well.. ours is not to question why... :-]

And lastly, I was going to put a note in here about the Trade Show an the various hijinks that may or may not have gone on but instead I will simply say that if all of the lovely ladies that I met and flirted with and subsequently invited out for the Company Holiday party/to stay with me personally actually take me up on the offer... Well, I'm screwed pure and simple. Fun to throw it around like I meant it though! ;-]

I'm in Pasadena at a convention/industry show. This one is not nearly so Sexually charged as the last (which is ironic since it's actually about S-E-X and the toys and videos and various acroutemont one might need to better facilitate that but I suppose that's neither here nor there) -- I'm here with a bunch of co-workers and while I love them to the very ends of whichever earth it is we're on they are a for the most part settled lot, with wives and partners and boy-toys back home, who are really interested in getting some sleep more than anything else (as am I typically but when one only has the few minutes of "alone adult time" one want to make the most of it!) so the actually going out part isn't really happening. Although we did go out last night for a few seconds to a club to dance with a bunch of people we met at the convention. Fun for the most part, I have to say though, I'm noticing a lightly disturbing trend in that I think I'm becoming attracted to the same kind of ladies my dad likes. There's a certain type of down home, smart but not necessarily "educated" beautiful, tragic type of lady-friend that my dad seems to get himself involved with who you just take one look at and you fall instantly into "Aw, honey! C'mere Let me show you how nice life can be...!" and I kind of knew I was trending in that direction with Stripes but I met another lady last night (the husband of Bert who "has 40 stores!" and is living in Florida now where it's not "so dang hot!") who I LOVE! I want to take her home with me. I want to take care of her. I want to see that she gets every single pretty thing her sweet little Kentucky bred heart desires; plus I want to mess up her long black hair and make her beautiful green eyes roll up into the back of her head but that's another story... Anyways. I know, FOR A FACT that were pops here, we'd be fighting over this gal. Which is interesting. And disturbing. And kind of cool.... :-]

sad.

then too, something I just realized is that having a little extended alone time with the new little big girl without having to "share" is not such a bad thing either. (Not that that makes it o.k. that my sweetie is being cruelly ripped from my arms mere days from now but I would say extra Spark time does constitute a significant silver lining...)

I'm waaaayyyyyyy into these boys right now (well, technically I'm way into one of em -- guess which one and you can win one of four fabulous prizes!) Check out the video and tell me they're not HOT!

In other news, kid is leaving on Friday morning. I'm nowhere near o.k. with it but at least I'm saying it aloud which I gather is the first step toward acceptance.

That's it really. Work is going o.k. (finally) although I've had my feet kicked out from under me enough times now to know that it's probably just the calm before the crap but at least it's nice to be able to relax for a little bit even if it's all a mirage.

pathetic...

God, I'm in a wierd mood. First though, big shout-out / good luck starting the fancy new top level military security job BBQ -- just knowing you're in bed with the big dogs makes me feel that much better about our prospects on a country-wide level!

Now then, week-end was o.k. Got to hang alot with the peeps that matter (with an occassional foray into the world of straight women who care waaaayyyyyy too much about my child's hair) so all good on that front... No, I have to say, what is making me wierd right this second has nothing to do with whom I'm being exposed to it's, quite simply, that my Boo is leaving me in a few days to go to Jamaica for 10 days with CP and I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. I mean OF COURSE i know what I'm going to do -- I'm going to f***ing soldier on and stop treating this like some kind of cataclysmic event but for just a minute, can everyone please take a quick step with me into the tiny part of my brain that is screaming on a non-stop basis "the single most dear thing to you in your entire world is going to be on a different continent with someone who you've not exactly held in the highest esteem for a few years now, and, that in the event of any sort of even kind-of emergency you [I] am not only not going to be able to do a damn thing -- in fact, the odds are incredibly good that you [I] won't even know anything has happened until 1) they fail to show up at the Oakland airport at 10:33pm on July 23; 2) the ransom note arrives attatched to a blurry video tape and/or the CIA phones and tells me "not to panic." Seriously, I get that I'm overreacting but can I please ask that you all feel me on this??! My baby is leaving the country! God. I'm making light of this but seriously, this is freaking me out. Sigh. Sorry. I'll apologize in advance if I'm irritating my nearest and dearest but I don't think I've ever been so freaked out (in a low-level I know it's really not that big a deal so why am I losing my mind over this) kind of way...

Me and my babies!

At Pride -- Holla back!

Good luck!

Just a quick shout out to the fabulous IHOEL, hope your "event" this afternoon goes swimmingly and you get every single little thing you ask for!

In other news, check out my article...

Coupla things...

First and most important being HAPPY B-DAY, BBQ! I ::heart:: you more than almost any other living adult and I am THRILLED that you not only exist but that you continue to find value (albeit generally of the "entertainment" sort) in my humble company. I just got off the phone with the "image" guy for Sephora BTW (aka Angel) and he says we need to either go with Cargo cosmetics line or "whatever that new line is they have at Walgreens!" Nice. Anyway... I ran into my always impeccably turned out ex-co-worker today in the lunch line and he (looking as impeccably turned out as ever) enlightened me as to two important facts. The first being that Ernest Boy ex-coworker and his loverly illegal immigrant wife have just had a beautiful bouncy baby! (Whoo Hoo! Couldn't have happened to nicer folks!) and that he himself is due to be wed/shackled/whatever the heck it is when you basically sign yourself into some sort of bizarre shared indentured servitude in just a few days! Double yay! Again, really couldn't happen to a more impeccably turned out individual! All the best wishes and mazel tov to you and yours!

K. So, now that that's out of the way, did I tell everyone that I very nearly got a time-out the other day for showing up late for a Boo performance (one in which she performed heart-stopping feats of acrobatic skill on a contruction of ropes and pvc piping known simply as "the birdcage"!) barely catching her "group act" and missing her solo entirely? She was mad. Now, I've never really had the Boo mad at me beforeand I have to say, it's not something I would wish on mine worst enemy. kinda sucks truth be told. Anyway, during my groveling I inquired (somewhat jocularly) if I "was in trouble" and needed a time-out to which she snapped "Yes!" and returned to her arms-crossed-staring-silently-out-the-window stance which very near killed me. We made it all up later when we got home (and I ahd access to cookies with which to bribe her) but I tell ya, it was hairy for a minute!