He came...

He saw, he annoyed me, he left. That is I think he left. He SAID he was leaving and not coming back but I've heard THAT before so... fingers crossed though. Although this particular visit was admittedly unlike most of our other interactions, i'm still just not feeling like I want to try parenting three kids. :-]

Good-bye DB. Thanks for stopping by. Let's do it again in a few years! I'm exhausted. I think i'm going to go to sleep now.

Blah...

I am UNBELIEVABLY tired. I had a VERY nice (hot, sexy, sweet) visit from my boyfriend last night which lasted until the wee hours (I do this awfully adorable thing where I stay awake as long as I can then fall asleep on him and he has to show himself out. Cute that he hasn't robbed me blind/given up on my pathetic ass yet! ;-]) This was tiring in and of itself but THEN, right around 4am i hear an eerily familiar "tap, tap, tap..." I wake up disconcerted. I stare around. i swear under my breath. put on my robe -- go open the front door and ... lo and behold ... guess who's back from Texas? Hopefully, it's just for a (short) visit. Hopefully, someone is not planning on staying at my place beyond last night/today. Hopefully, I will remember the (albeit still being "discussed") vows i've made to the very nice boy I'm dating vis a vis not having extra-relationship sex in general/screwing 20+ year olds in particular -- even if those 20-somethings seem to have vastly improved their attitudes and/or are still scarily attractive. Man. See, this is where I could really use a "sponsor", preferably someone who has been able (for at least 10 years) to resist having sex with random beautiful boys who show up in the middle of the night promising to "finish" what some other boy "started"...!

Never kiss your baby...

So, I was telling my kid about this study i heard about on This American Life which was focusing on love as it affects babies' development. So, there's this guy Harry Harlow who did this series of tests with baby Rhesus monkeys where he gave the baby monkeys two "mommies": a wire one and a "cloth"/soft one. the upshot of the experiment was that even though the wire mother was the one with the food, the baby monkey preferred to spend time cuddled up to the "cloth" Mommy. The upshot of recounting this upshot was that at one point last night I had both of my babies on my lap and the eldest one announces: "Mmmmmm... Cloth Mommy!" Killed me. seriously. what did i do to deserve such a sweetie????? k. This is what else we managed to accomplish this week-end.

1) Made THE world's coolest mix tape for the Spark (we made one for Boo about a month ago but I was waiting for some specific CDs to show up before I put together the littlest one's. Serious, Jason mraz singing "Rainbow Connection"? A ska version of Animal's "Manamana"? How you gonna top that???? Yeah, I couldn't think how to do it either so we waited...)

2) introduced the big girl to the world's second coolest musical, Jesus Christ Superstar (Grease being the first) and while explaining why all those dancing people want to kill the nice guy with the sweet smile to a kid who hasn't exactly been raised "within the christian church" was a bit of all stretch, it all worked out in the end. (I mean, really it's all about belting out the soundtrack at the top of your lungs in the car/restaurant/laundrymat etc. so watching the movie itself is more just to provide context.)

3) Had breakfast with the CP. Boo got a drink named after her (half and half lemonade and orange juice. Next time you're at the Park Restaurant on Piedmont Ave. in Oakland, ask for a "Dakota" and see what they give you!

4) Did more laundry than should be allowed in a free state

5) Went on the world's nicest walk in the world's nicest weather to the store where we ended up getting A-Freakin-Dorable halloween hat things; one of which has cool purple braids attached.

All of this and still managed to get my work done for work so.... have to say it's been a good coupla days! :-]

---

Note to Travelin' Man -- I need your phone number! Yes, i am just that lame but i would also like to add that it is customary, even among friends who have known each toher forever, to occassionally leave a number at which they'd like to be called back when leaving a message just in case the person they're trying to hook up with is away from their datebook, or out wnadering the streets armed only with a cellphone or really just that lame...! Please??? I want to talk to you! :-]

Just got back from Boo's new school

So, basically Boo walks into her new class and it's like Cheers, circa 1990 -- "Boo!"

I'm telling you, man, I don't know where she gets it but that kid's a freaking celebrity. At least she's low-key about it. One smallish queenly wave then straight to her seat where she instantly becomes VERY interested it her new text (which I'm gonna assume is the same as her old text but whaddaya want. She's being modest fer chrissakes!) Oh! And yay me, the *new* school's back-to-school-night is TOMORROW! {grumble} At least they have a really amazing garden. :-]

YES!

My kid got into her new school!! Whoo Hoo! O.K. for those of you who haven't had to listen to me obsess about sending my sweet little baby into the middle school hell of suddenly being one-of-2000 instead of one-of-450 students, here's the sitch...

Kid is currently in the 4th grade at a medium-sized K-5 elementary school; meaning next year we were faced with three scenarios:

1) Try to get her transfered into a K-8 school along with every other parent who is also terrified that their children will be swallowed whole at the bigger middle schools.

2) Send kid to uber-middle school and pray she doesn't get squashed.

3) Spend what was supposed to be her college tuition sending her to a private middle school which (on all sorts of levels) just seems really wrong.

OR

we could try to get her switched to a K-8 now since she's guaranteed to have a place for the next year or so in a school we know we like so if she doesn't get in for whatever reason we've still got some wiggle room... And now we've just heard she's IN. Yay! new school starts tomorrow.

Super cool things about new school include: Boo already having friends there, the fact that she still gets to go to the same aftercare program at ther "old" school so she'll still see all her same friends and that there's now a slightly greater chance (not like I'm crossing my fingers or anything but you never know) that her little sister can go to her same school since SF has that sibling policy thing and i could maybe get a working-in-SF waiver so my officially oakland-based little one could come here as well..... (!!) It's all just so exciting!

Funny strange, not funny "ha-ha"...

Witness the following conversation [setting: a standard san francisco birthday party]

Relative of the birthday girl: [to another relative whilst watching some cliff climbing happening] So, who's the boy she's climbing with?
2nd Relative: that's J. they've known each other forever. He's kind of got a thing for her.
ROBG: Really?
2R: Yeah, he tried to invite her over for dinner last year for Valentine's Day but it was her brother's birthday so she had to go to his party instead. {smug} But I think she likes him too.
Me: No. [both turn to look at me, eyebrows raised] {knowledgeable tone} I mean, she likes him alot as a friend but D. told me she actually likes K. in her class. [shrug as all three of us turn to look sadly at poor unrequited J.]

K. So. typically SF drama, right? Except these are 9-YEAR-OLDS we're discussing!! I know. At some point I'm going to get all blase about his but seriously. right this second it's FREAKING ME OUT.

{sigh} Anyways. Thanks to the Bee fam for short-notice little girl watching so I could go be a party to this cliff climbing, non-gift giving (we brought a gift and were soundly reprimanded by the kid's mom) hen party party. You guys are the best. And I'm NOT just saying that because I secretly harbor a fantasy of all of us riding off into the sunset of our middle years safely esconsed mere doors from each other in lovely Las Vegas, NM. Also, Happy B-day to the precocious-est five year old I know! Good job getting older. Your moms and I couldn't be more proud!

Not a huge fan...

of Back-to-school night. Oh sure, I mean, I get the concept all about going to the school and meeting the kid's teacher and finding out what the child will be learning and all of that but honestly, isn't that what open house is for? Actually, this whole thing is like an open house but not as much fun. The kids are supposed to be in "childcare" so they don't detract "from the message" which is just plain wierd since the whole point of the message is the KIDS -- and also slightly ill-planned if you have little-little kids and you're single-parenting them since the kid-care has a nice open door and only two adults and lots of OTHER kids so your littlest one gets to experience the thrill of hunting you down (three flights of stairs and around a corner!) but again... not the worst experience just a little, well, a little tiring/stressful for the grown-ups is all. Actually, I'm sure all the other parents were fine. Probably just me who was thinking about all the other ways I could be hanging out (or not) with my kids. {sigh} Anyhoo....

Dammit!

I was thiiiiissss close to having this whole work situation wrapped up! Shoot. o.K. sorry. breathe..... back to the drawing board. :-]

A so goes another week-end...

In the overpacked life of a single-parent(ish) 30-something working, schoolgirl mother...
So, this journalism student over at SFSU just called me to do a phone interview (she's doing a piece on "women in technology" -- no idea how she ended up with me (more like "women who front in technology!") and we went through the standard questions, what do you do, what do you like, what is difficult, blah, blah, blah and she wraps up with "O.k. enough about work, kids, school -- what do you do for fun? Like do you go out or watch TV or what?" I have to say, I was a little stumped. I mean, I describe the LIFE to someone my age and they nod sagely and offer me more wine, but to a kid...? Seriously. What do I do for fun? I think hanging out and looking at my kids is fun. I think getting a sitter and going to my BBQ's house for the world's most amazing chicken/squash/red things dinner party with my new boyfriend and my favoritest set of "happily-marrieds" is fun. I think (in a kind of sick way) staying home from work so I can crank out yet another 30 page paper on my way to my doctorate is fun.... Which (I think) either means I am unable to ascertain any longer what "real" fun looks like or it places me pretty soundly in a whole other category of life-being from this aspiring journalist that may not be easily understood but it seems pretty authentically come by and so is jest fine by me. (Tee Hee. I just used the word "authentic" in a non-ironic way. I'm such a grown-up!)

Alyssa Kiearra!

My baby brother and his lovely gal-pal have chosen to name my newest niece Alyssa Kierra I was gonna call her "Ally" but now that I've seen the most recent sonogram pics, I'm thinking she looks more like a "Ki-Ki!" Yay!

Yesterday I was in a bad mood (I think i'm getting sick again. Grrr!) and I was being all snappy and short-tempered and so of course the childrens were all miserable too (although, remarkably the baby isn't being as tantrumy of late. This time when i snapped at her to finish her supper she just got all sad warbley voice and sat up and ate. Sniffed alot and did the lip pooch out thing but no screaming. Interesting.) So, at one point i go looking for the big kid and she's in her loft and I notice that she's written "Nobody loves me" on her white board with a sad emoticon face! Seriously. If the Feds weren't so busy fighting terrorists, I swear CPS would be knocking at my door tomorrow! Sheesh...

WHO just gave their kid the cutest haircut ever?? Yup. That would be moi. Of course, said haircut was helped along greatly by the fact that I have the cutest kid ever pretty much regardless of current hairstyle but still. Not nearrly as short as we'd originally discussed but she kept pointing to seriously short layered cuts as examples but then talking about having ponytails so... I went with the "O.K. we'll do this in stages" cut and let her check it out every so often so we ended with layered bob thing with chin-length bangs. A-dor-rable! Yay!

Forth freaking grade!!!

The big girl started school today. Weird in that all her school chums are taller than I am. Also that we (parents) are such a blubbery bunch of silly-heads (You'd think we'd get used to them just marching off to class with nary a backwards glance!) This year ALL the girls in Boo's cohort are in the same class. You'll have no doubt gleaned from reading these things over these last several years that the overall number of gals in Miss Boo's school that were to be distributed year after year mongst the two Boo-age-English-language classes has shrunk (there were only about ten to start and we've lost three to other schools...) so they just said "f*** it!" and put em all together this year. The other English-language class is a "Blended" class of fourth and fifth graders so there are fifth grade girls in that one. Funny. Way to widen the gender gap. Fourth grade boys with fifth grade girls! Ha! Sorry. Nice for my kid because she tends to get snatched up by one or two "alpha" girls and is then a little monopolized for the rest of the year. By adding in the alpha chicks from the other class I figure she has more of a fighting chance to pick who she wants to be pals with (assuming the alphas want to hang together. i'm probably wrong on that one but again, we shall see...) The coolest mom in the world (besides me an CP, natch) has her kid in the other class so i don't get to hang out with her at class get togethers which is sad but whattayagonnado? :-]

K. So, this week is starting off GREAT! Saw the boy yesterday and that was fab. he's a little sad/obsessed/bothered by the not geting to see me as much as he'd like but we all, i think, expected that so really it's just a matter of seeing where he goes from there. Work is good. A recent development has enabled me to start looking for a new Web Developer which I am DELIGHTED about so if anyone knows anyone who's kick-ass in a webdev way let me know. Alrighty then, I'm off to get some something done. Hope everyone has a great week!

Back to the grind...

Yay, "school" started for me today. I think I'm going to like this new "roll up to the campus at or around 5:30, drop off the sprouts with the world's best kidsitter, check in/chat with the world's best advisor, head on over to the library, read a little. Head on over to the tea shop read some more. Pick up the girls at or around 7:30 and head on home..." thursday evening lifestyle. It's like all the perks of school without the papers/deadlines/running-just-a-little-late bits....

Completely tangential but funny: the world's best kidsitter is a student as well and she's staying in the sophmore/upper classperson's dorm and ALL the bathroom doors in this sprawling residential hall are labled "Men." All of them. Now let's take a moment to rememeber that Mills was established as an alll-girl school and has remained an all-girl school up until last year when they finally buckled and let in some male grad students. Now, I ask you... WTH???

"Don't get attached..."

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THE MEDICAL COMMUNITY IN ALBUQUERQUE????! "Don't get attached"????? How the HELL is that functional advice to give to a couple who you've just scared the hell out of, who you've done fifty-thousand blood/genetics test on and still not been able to come up with anything "conclusive", who have decided despite all the evidence before them, to deliver to term, who can feel the baby growing and moving and hiccuping -- Seriously, what the HELL is wrong with people??! "Don't get attached." Idiots.

All I can say is "wow!"

Yesterday was AMAZING. It started off a bit sketchy since i had to take the day off from work to get two things accomplished 1)figuring out the financial aid sitch since money i thought the government was going to give me so i could go to school seems to have suspiciously "not been credited to my account" and 2) to take one really big girl and one little big girl to the dentist for check-ups.

So, I get to the school and find out all about this new law passed by Mr. Bush to the tune of "no federal funding for more than 8 semesters of grad school TOTAL!" translated to mean I am facing 16,000.00 in fees that I need to pay by Monday. Being a sensible girl I sat right down and cried. But then I picked myself up and took myself over to the Office of Grad studies where I officially took a semester's leave of absence hoping to buy some time to sort all this nonesense out. But wait, you're asking, when does the amazing part come in??? Well, I headed over to let my beautiful, smart, perfect-in-every-way advisor know about the situation and the following conversation ensued:

Her:So, what does that mean? Does that mean you're going to stop working?
Me:Um. Doesn't it sort of equal that? I mean, I guess I could do some more reading or something... then in the spring--
Her:[turning to her computer, pulling something up, printing it and handing it to me] Here. This is a reading list. I've been thinking about this and I don't think you should use the proposal you turned in last Spring. It's good but it's not you. You should do fictive narrative.
Me: Uh. O.K.
Her: Read these authors and let me know when you have a sense for where you fit in thier conversation. We'll re-write your proposal then start outlining your basis for considering this form legitimate theory...
Me: Uh...
Her: Hmmmmm. Who are we going to get to sit on your committee...? [looking through her rolodex] O.k. while you're doing all of that I'm going to call Susan Krieger, she's written some stuff around this. And let's see... I can probably get Pavitra [Sundar. aka "Marking Time: Gender, Sexuality, Nation, and Temporality in Hindi Film Music"] or Christina [Mendoza. "Crossing Borders: Narrative Identities of Gender, Class and Citizenships among Domestic Workers on the U.S.-Mexican Border"] to sit in. Let me see what I can do. [quick wink and smile in my direction] Don't worry, we'll have you out of here by May!
Me:... I love you. (not really but I did sit there staring in mute adoration until she shooed me out.)

{note: to any official Mills types who may inadvertantly have stumbled upon this blog, all names and situations have been changed. I am IN NO WAY SUGGESTING that my beautiful professor would ever violate a school/pupil contract by assisting a person scholastically who was not legitimately registered for the appropriate semester!}

Heart.

THEN pick up the girls and take them to the dentist where... they behaved BEAUTIFULLY! And this was Spark's first time! I mean sure there was the clingy and the "no. I no wan to!" but once she saw what a trooper her big sis wa and once she got to sit on my lap (and once we all understood that she was simply not down with being an "alligator" but had NO problem opening up like a "dinosaur" well... let's just say it was alllll good. Plus, no cavities! And "good spacing (whatever that means.) Although Boo's midline is apparently .5 milimeters off on the top -- there's a shift to the left. I am soooooo not worried. :-]

sigh. so basically a great day all round. Today was swell too. Boo was with me at work so that was fun. The week-end promises to be lovely. School shopping, Santa Cruz, my new boyfriend... just full of yummy goodness!

all day meetings should be illegal. Alright...{takes deep breath} going back down....

And she's only eight...

Me: [noticing my kid is sitting on the couch looking sad] What's up?

Boo: Do you ever have the feeling like you just want to take a day off and not go do what you're supposed to do [for her: daycamp] you know, just go to the beach or something?

Me: {sigh}Yeah. [long pained silence as we both reflect on how impossible that would be to do today...] K. Let's get going...

Mommy's little helper!

My three-year-old is so helpful. she helps me carry in the groceries. She brings her plate into the kitchen when she's through eating. She helped me load the laundry into the washer on Sunday.... So very useful!

Speaking of Sunday, how nice was it to get together with the world's cutest families for a little pizza-fest night before last. Very that's what! the hangout with grown-up friends without feeling guilty for ignoring little ones time was long overdue and much appreciated. Plus I got to see my boy an extra time this week (in a non-me-demanding-that-he-strip-immediately setting which he has been wanting so it's good that we got THAT out of the way!) I'm not mad at him anymore BTW. He was appropriately open to discussing and i was uncharacteristically open to not just writing him off so we talked and kissed and made up. (We made up more last night which was also REALLY nice but again, more in a put-your-hands-here-and-kiss-me-hard kind of way which I like alot but which doesn't exactly mesh with his ideas about what girlfriends and boyfriends DO. Apparently we're supposed to go out or something. Hmmmm. I'll have to look into that....

Today got off to a poopy start and although most of it has resolved itself, i'm still in a bad mood.

1) My boy came over last night and while the visit was mostly sweet, there's this thing he does about me being pretty (e.g. Me -- "Man, today was hard. I'm trying to get my boss to approve this thing we're doing and she's just not taking me seriously." Him -- "Ah, don't worry about it. Just flash her that pretty smile of yours and I'm sure she'll give you whatever you want!") which is becomming extremely annoying mostly because it feels dismissive (even though I know he doesn't intend it to be) the consequence of that being that I spent way too much time writing him a note letting him know why I think that sort of response is annoying/sexist and he has not yet replied so it's making me a little crazy.
2) I locked my keys in the car
3) I spilled coffee on my shirt
4) I'm freshly back from vacation so every single human being in my entire work-world wants to "check-in" and honestly i'm a little sick of talking to some of them.

{sigh} but, whatever. it's all good. I just got to talk to my BBQ and am now in a MUCH better frame of mind. :-] A little lunchie lunch with someone I do actually feel like talking to, then maybe (just maybe) I'll be able to face my afternoon chats with some sense of equamnity. (Plus, I JUST found out my co-worker sent me a coconut from Florida where she's on vacation so that's got me pretty delighted as well...)