Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me. Happy birthday dear... me-ee. happy birthday to me. And many more! Wow. Who knew being 39 was so much work?

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

One week ago today, my little girl had a massive asthma attack so we went to the hospital. That was at 4:00am. My baby brother's baby passed away at 7:00pm that same day.

Spark was released on Thursday so we all (me, Spark and Scoot) flew out to NM for the funeral. Everyone was amazing. My brother and his partner are being so strong and centered about the whole thing. Realistic and accepting but still expressing their sadness. They're super supported by their family and friends out there and they are really leaning on each other so I think they're going to pull through just fine. I love them so much and I'm really glad I got to go out there to see them for a little bit, just to make sure they're o.k. Anyways...

Miss Alyssa Kianna, thank you for joining our family. You are a miracle and you accomplished more in your eleven weeks here than some people do in eighty years worth of living. You touched more hearts than you'll ever know and you showed your parents how much strength and love they are capable of summoning which is a huge amount and a tremendous gift. We'll miss your fighting spirit, your wrinkley "displeased" face and your beautiful grey eyes. Maybe someday you can come back in another body that's not quite so broken and we can enjoy you for a little bit longer but regardless of when and if that happens, we're grateful you were here even if it was for so short a time.

My brother's baby almost died last night. Poor little bub. I wish there was something I could do for them... this sucks.

Happy New Year!

Hope the coming year is rewarding, interesting and extremely low in stress for everyone! Thank all of you angel-peeps for being a significant part of what makes my life so grand! Hopefully 2007 will NOT prove to be the year in which, I will drive all of you away with my craziness...!

Ahhhhhhhh.....

Quick check in. Just to say... you know... hello. Um. hi. How's it going? Really? good. Great to hear. I'm doing fine as well. What? Oh, not all that much really. Holidays were rushed but strangely relaxing. Nothing broke which was cool. At work I mean. I don't think anything broke outside of work either but I haven't been paying all that close attention to the rest if you get my drift.... No really. I'm good. work is good. life is good. We had a great X-mas with the CP here for the morning present opening finishing with dinner at the L-Ls. Quality all round. then just kind of bumming around on tuesday. Got some serious planning done on the "houses-within-a-house" project so that was cool. heard from my favorite female texan about her plans to be out here within the week so that's something to look forward to. I've had a fairly significant change of heart/attitude vis a vis her since the break-up (hers not mine -- and truth be told, since this birthday marks the passing of her 26th year on this earth which just doesn't seem as icky for some reason ...) but luckily while my mind may be all about justification my body is still following the god-fearing, upright little path it was intended to walk along and has trashed any plans I may or may not have had by breaking out in all manner of cold-sore gross-ness so.... guess we're gonna stay "just friends." At least this time around. ;-]

Hmmmm. What else. I'm tired but strangely upbeat which is FAB. Wrote THE CHECK to my school today which pretty much ensures that 1) I have no life savings left so it is particularly lucky that I also have no life and 2) I actually think I'm going to buckle down and work this semester so I can start writing THE DISSERTATION this summer. eek. Anyway. I'm gonna go put some babies to bed. Hope everyone's holidays were amazing and that I'll actually get to see you all in the coming year.

Well hello!

You know what sucks? What sucks is that I JUST glanced at the clock to figure out if I was getting anywhere near close to the time I get to go get my Big girl sprout from her winter session camp but then I realized "NO! Actually it's not getting near that time because I DON'T HAVE HER TODAY." Man. You'd think after nine years the sharing thing would get a little easier. Wait, have I written that before? Am I getting redundant?? Say it int so!

Anyway, long time, no chat! So much really wonderful stuff has been happening that I have been wanting to blog about and... practically simultaneously... so much silly/stupid stuff has occurred that it's made me instead want to crawl into my bed and wish for death (not MY death, mind you, just, you know, DEATH!!)

Let's see.... two really superb kid performances happened. The little girl at her daycare and the big girl in a Hip Hop version of the Nutcracker (the latter of which WAS in fact captured for posterity and will be making a limited run showing at some point during the coming month on the small screen -- that is unless I can find someone with a larger screen to let me have a big ole viewing party in their house...[hint, hint, Mistah L-L])

We did in fact go to the Grease sing-along and (barring unfortunate work related episode) had THE world's best time. I love my kids. i love that the 3.5 year old knows all the words to "Sandy"!! After which went to hang at the Bees which was GREAT. I like those guys. they're good people. Then home to bed where I spent some time reflecting on my, now two, totally inappropriate crushes -- one of which, i guess isn't so bad as it wll only get me fired. the other might actually cost me a friend (not really. i treat my friends pretty poorly and luckily rather than just writing me off, they've come to expect it! KIDDING! I love you guys! Really. :-])

Speaking of totally inappropriate, who's little pink-haired, newly single gal-pal to the stars is going to be in town this week and is planning on dropping by for a quick night out?? (Bless you Sue-bean for providing kidwatching coverage. And thank you soooooo much also Mistah L-L for risking death by asphyxiation to watch the Sprouts while me and Travelin' Man got our party on at the GV Holiday shin-dig-diggity the other night! I swear. I don't know why or how I got folks like you to be interested in my life but I sure am glad you all are the kind of cool you are! Now hurry up and have a baby so i can return the favor...oops! did I say that out loud?)

Let's see... not much else to say i spose. I'm THIS close to being done with my X-mas shopping which is swell. Noone is here at work so it's a little quieter than it's been (which is nice.) I'm seeing the BBQ tomorrow which is also grand as I haven't seen the braces yet and I kind of need to.... K. I'm outtie. I need to reply to all these pissy-manager types who want stuff from me. Hope everyone is having a spectacular holiday season so far. kisses to all of you!

I realize I've written this before (many times) but THIS GUY RULES! [Although, technically, i spose i haven't ever written that before because I JUST found out the author of this blog is a guy. I've been reading his blog for literally years so I don't know why I'm just figuring that out but.. blame it on my need to see "Dykey-ness" in everything]

http://www.girlsarepretty.com/blog/fishing_buddies_day.html

the good things in life

This week-end, I went with my kids to get a Christmas tree. We met up with the Bees at the tree lot and went to their house to do some crafty stuff after which we returned home and decorated said tree.

I heard from a friend of mine that he will be able to cover an emergency kid-sitting event and in doing so allow me to go smooze at the holiday party that's coming up.

I heard from another friend that there's going to be a "Grease" showing/sing-along at this kick-ass theatre and that she wants us to go (of COURSE!)

I found out the dates when my Big Girl is going to be performing in a Hip Hop version of the Nutcracker and that I will have access to a video recorder so I can tape the entire event and play it back years from now each and every time she attempts to introduce me to anyone she's "interested in."

I had my little one "read" me five of her books (in a row) because she was so excited to get the newest in the "Bing the Bunny series"

Three people have told me they appreciated hearing my "straightforward" answers in a meeting I participated in today.

I just got the new Dixie Chicks CD which I'm listening to right now.

I'm happy. I'm healthy. I have great, supportive (scarily attractive) friends. My kids are safe and growing and (for the most part) content. I have chocolate chip cookies at home and ice cold beer in the fridge. It would seem that despite what I've been writing, saying and sometimes actually thinking, life is pretty good. :-]

Aaaaahhhhhh....

I feel refreshed! See that's the thing about giving up on boys. You get to go back to your super-sexy short-haired self!

I swear my Baby-girl has got photo-taking talents that are not to be believed!
or how about this one where I look like my baby brother during his "R.Suave" period...

Speaking of whom -- how kick-ass are he and the woman and the baby doing?? Very, that's how! My little Angel-niece has already gained an entire pound and is learning how to stay awake the whole entire night! Yay. You grow, girl!

{Sigh} So, as we all know and as I am getting a little tired of saying, work = kicking my ass. I stayed home today though and co-incidentally enough got a whole TON of stuff done! I got my kitchen window repaired, got my hairs cut, worked on this thing I promised BBQ I'd do, went food shopping, even did some work-related stuff! I KNOW! It was pretty awesome if I do say so mee-self. And, of course, since there is noone else here except the librarian, I feel I must. So. Hope the various Thanksgivingess were good for folks. Thanks for the shout out Mr. L-L. We'd all taken a vow of not-answering-the-phone and so couldn't immediately respond but upon later discussion it was unanimously decided that you and your lady friend are indeed Good People! Our holiday was spent lying around the house eating chocolate chip cookies that we made from scritchety-scratch so that was sort of lovely (and fattening) as well. I feel very well prepared for the coming cold season. Insulated and whatnot. Hm. I spose that's it really. I've got another crush on someone completely inappropriate (I think though that's it not so much that it's just my "thing" to fall for the "What the hell??!" types but more that I just don't meet a lot of "appropriate" folks. At least not ones that aren't deadly dull and/or full of themselves. Besides which, at least I know enough not to act on these things! Well. most times I do..... O.k. well practically never but in this case.... oh. nevermind.)

Straight chicks ROCK!

You know, I tend to forget how very much straight girls rock! I mean yeah some of them are all cool and strong and empowered and impressive, and cute blah blah blah but they also a hella fun-loving bunch when they let thier hair down and get a little crazy (e.g. at least the ones who were at the Dixie Chicks concert me and the BBQ went to this past week-end! Yee Ha!)

eh, hem.... sorry. where was I? Oh yes. Hating my life. Major hardware issues at work which are ONLY not causing me to slit my wrists because THE reason we're not totally dying right now is because we actually implemented my stupid project which I've been fighting to get finished for the last 3 months... so, totally unrelated but nevertheless catastrophic silliness going on at the old ranch and I for one am glad 1) I have kids who need picking up thus giving me a perfect excuse to sneak out and "test from home" and 2) that this is a short week. honestly. I'm not sure i could take another one like the last one. Except for the seeing "The Chicks" with the best friend part. I'd do that again! :-]

School buses have seatbelts now!

Who knew?? ahhhhh. I feel much better. Lovely day today hanging with the child and her class. Stellar bunch of small people. Really, first class!

where i thought i'd be when I was 40...?

I just sent off my last work related e-mail for the day. I also sent off this cartoon

which I stole/modified from an illustration on a card a friend of mine sent me, so I could send it to some programmer/QA chick I'm working with who lives in Florida and who has a killer South African accent.

For the record, I am officially over this shit. I am tired of getting yelled at for things that are not only outside my direct sphere of influence but that I am nontheless working late every f*cking night to try to correct. I am tired of wondering if really wanting a Sierra Nevada (or two) every night means I "have a problem". I am sick of not hanging out with my kid because I "need to finish one last thing". I am tired of "holding it together" and remembering that it's all gonna fix itself in "like, a week"... I want it fixed now. I want to do things I enjoy doing without feeling like I'm letting someone down. F*ck it. I'm taking tomorrow off (gonna go see a ship with my kid and her class) Work can kiss my ass.

So did we all go out and vote...?

Good. And now onto the real question for tonight -- Why am I still up? i don't have a good reason other than I can't sleep. i mean the kid is in bed. the favorite TV show ended over an hour ago. i've already finished sending the "sorry I screwed up" note to the Boo's teacher for mistakenly taking my newly assigned duties as "classroom book order monitor" to frenzied heights of independence by taking it upon myself to tally and mail the class orders (on the special sheet provided) to the Scholastic Book Club never realizing that yes, she wanted the tally part done but um, maybe I could have waited to send off the order until THE REST OF THE SCHOOL was ready! She didn't actually come out and call me a big ole loser but really, this is just not the best way to support my bub in being embraced by her new school culture. Christ. I really need something to go right right about now. Anything. anything at all...

I just wrote a very long post for my "other" blog (no worries if you're not checking there regularly. Most of what's up there is stolen from here anyway...) which got me all mentally worn out so instead of re-capping it here, I'm just gonna link to it... :-]

Please forgive...

The sudden disappearance of your dear friend Chick. I am living the life from hell right this second (mostly due to gnarly project roll-out at work) and am not finding myself able to write or call or just generally check in with anybody who is not currently living at a hospital while thier baby undergoes her latest surgical procedure. Do not take this to mean that I love you any less. Just that I am either working, sleeping or drinking and therefore cannot come to the phone. :-]

Halloween was fun though. Did some T&T on this side of the bridge and had an grand time! O.K. going back down...

Blah

Broke up with the boy yesterday for what I think are ultimately extremely well-thoughtout and carefully considered reasons but which, notwithstanding, leave me feeling crappy and sad.

that's it actually. I'll write more when i'm in the mood to think about it....

If the mountain won't come to Mohammed...

So. Just found out that the new Magnet Baby-Girl is gonna need some specialized medical-type attention that is not readily available in New Mexico (in whom's NICU she's currently residing) but which is available in SAN FRANCISCO -- Now, Riddle me this, Bat-peeps: whose Baby Brother, new daughter and current partner-in-birthin'-babies are going to fly out here in approximately two weeks to stay for a little bit (where I can pretty much photograph every single expression to cross that tiny little face 24/7) while a certain someone has some surgery?????? Whoo Hoo! I swear, just when I'm THIIIISSSSSSS close to thinking I'm maybe not exactly THE luckiest human being on the planet, I am reminded that, YEAH I kinda am!!!

Happy Birthday!

And welcome AK, the newest addition to the Magnet clan! Just so we're absolutely clear, I am the "good auntie" who you can absolutely come stay with at any point for as long as you like because unlike your Dad, i am "hip to the ways" of you "young-uns"! Congrats, Baby Bro and Missy R. on getting your little one here in one peice and relatively healthy. i love you all and am crossing the ole fingers that everything continues to go well-ish and that all the attendant surgeries go as planned....

is it just me...

or is spam getting more interesting?

Eh hem. Anyways... Week-end = lovely. Had dinner with the Lovah-Lovahs at their new digs which are eerily close to my old (very old) digs and which I'm just not o.k. with because that either means the neighborhood has improved considerably or they've come down in the world. i'll just go ahead and believe the former since the latter is just so sad. Nice apartment though. Fabulously laid out and with really beautiful diningroom chairs to boot! The boyfriend was kind enough to join us which was also delightful. Then got to see the Bees yesterday which is just so ALWAYS a pleasure it borders on ridiculous. Our combined, fabulously talented children spent some time constructing not only a cast of super-cool hand puppets but also a puppet theatre, instruments for the orchestra and "newsheets" as well! Genius, i tell you, genius!

Tonight, I'm hanging with the boy, which should be fine. (Just between you and me and the big blue sea, I'm getting a little over this whole "being in a relationship" thing -- not because the boy in question isn't very nice but more because of the constant need for on-going/additional upkeep. For instance, I am currently exhausted. I could call my boy and cancel our date and crawl into bed early but because I care about him and his feelings, I am instead going to go home, clean my house, take a shower, put the baby to bed and try to "relax" enough to feel "in the mood" to be kissed whilst not allowing myself to "unwind" to the point where I instead fall asleep. {sigh} Honestly, sometimes I feel bad for anyone who has decided to subject themselves to me-as-girlfriend. I'm sooooo "Wow! this is great! You are great! Let's hang out and get stupid about each other and have mind-blowing sex" one second and "I'm sorry... you are? Oh never mind, just hand me that blanket and the remote, wouldya..." the next. Damn good thing I'm so adorable/smart/sexy/rich else I'd have nobody to nibble on ever! ;-]

It's all about the support...

So, can I just take a moment to say how essential to an on-going sunny demeanor, a good bra is? I've been sick all week and I keep having to drag myself out of bed to go meet people (important to our company for some reason people) and "present" stuff and I've just really not been in the mood and today (this morning) I was REALLY not in the mood and I tried on everything i own and nothing looked right/cool/professional-while-still-retaining-some-individuality and I was just about to give up when i happened across the world's cutest bra hidden by a pile of socks and which, upon being put on with one of the formerly rejected outfits, lent just the right amount of uplift + color + snappiness to make the entire clothing proposition suddenly work! K. I gotta go talk to people. Just wanted to put that out there in case anyone else is looking for a way to improve their day...